


Worth It

by Lord_UnarmedSparrow



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Awkwardness, Coming Out, Confessions, Dildos, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Masturbation, Slow Build, Switching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-03-26 12:37:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 45,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19005949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lord_UnarmedSparrow/pseuds/Lord_UnarmedSparrow
Summary: Jared has liked Jensen for a while, but he never wanted to talk about it. His sister ruins that for him, but when Jensen is willing to give him a chance he can't help but worry he'll ruin everything.





	1. Revelation

****

**Chapter One**

Jared was cold. To be fair, he was always cold, but today, he was especially cold. He and Jensen were stood outside of the airport, looking for a free cab. Jared was surprised that Jensen had agreed to accompany him home for the first week of their mid-season break. Last year, Jared didn't see Jensen at all during their weeks off because he was with his family and his friends from Dallas, but Jensen had said that he wouldn't mind spending time with Jared outside of work as they had been so tired for the last few months that Jensen had spent a lot of his free time sleeping. Jared convinced his dog to sit on the sidewalk beside him as they waited for their ride to arrive. 

Jared's house was less than twenty minutes away from his parents'. Jared headed to his parents' first to say hello, but Jensen decided not to come inside. "Are you sure?" Jared asked. "I won't be long." 

"I'm good," Jensen replied. "I'm way too tired to interact with people." 

"You've met my folks before," shrugged Jared. "At the up-fronts, remember?" 

"I know, I know," Jensen said. "But I'm way too tired, man." Jared rolled his eyes and left his friend in the driveway while he headed inside.

~~~ 

Once they arrived at Jared's house, Jared showed Jensen to the guest room on the second floor. Jensen smiled and flopped onto the bed. Jared smiled softly at him before shutting the door on his friend. 

~~~ 

Jared convinced Jensen to get out of bed before midday so he could go with him to his parents' for lunch. He heard Jensen whistle as he strode into the bathroom and forced himself to stay away, as he supposed Jensen would be uncomfortable if he lingered outside while he showered.

Jared enthusiastically led Jensen and his dog into the house. Through the kitchen window, he could see his mother in the garden. He filled a bowl of water and placed it on the floor for his dog before glancing over his shoulder at Jensen, who was stood awkwardly in the doorway. "You hungry?" Jared asked. 

"I thought lunch was the point of this?" questioned Jensen. 

"Well, yeah, but it probably won't be ready till one," shrugged Jared. 

"So why did you drag me here at ten to twelve?" groaned Jensen. "I miss my bed." 

Jared chuckled and slung his arm over Jensen's shoulders, careful not to let his hand rub against his neck so not to invade his space inappropriately. Jensen smiled at him and held back a yawn. "Relax," Jared told him. "You will be fed." Jensen chuckled.

"Alright, alright," he sighed. 

~~~ 

Jared took his dog for a lap around the garden while Jensen slumped into the living room. Jared's sister and his father were sat on the couch, their eyes on the TV. "Hello," Jensen said awkwardly. They nodded at him. 

Through the window, Jared could see Jensen and Megan, his sister, talking in hushed voices. He chuckled and threw another stick for his dog to fetch as he had bitten the first one into two. "Watch where you're throwing that thing," barked his mother. "I don't want his big paws trampling all over my lovely flowerbed."

"Alright, alright," Jared sighed. His mother tutted and dropped her trowel onto the grass. Jared chuckled. 

"How's Jensen these days?" his mother asked. "We didn't see him yesterday." 

"Yeah, he was tired," shrugged Jared. "He's good, though." 

"Is he still coming for lunch?" Jared's mother asked. Jared nodded and pet the top of his dog's head. 

~~~ 

Jared was conscious not to drink too much at lunch, but Megan and Jensen seemed to be taking a different approach. Whenever Jared looked up from his beef dinner, he saw that they were always sipping their beer. Jared had a feeling that that would not end well, but he didn't want to bring it up while they were eating.

~~~ 

Jared found that he wished he _had_ intervened, because he found that sitting in the garden with Megan and Jensen, who were both drunk, was not a fun experience. "Want to play truth or dare?" Megan asked. Jensen shrugged. 

"Yeah, alright," he said, finishing the beer in his bottle. Megan nodded and sipped the glass of cherry she was drinking. 

"I don't think that's a good idea," Jared piped up. 

"Why not?" Megan asked. 

"Yeah, Jarebear, don't be such a killjoy," chuckled Jensen. Megan sniggered. 

"You guys have been drinking too much," Jared sighed. "This won't end well." 

"Lighten up, Jarebear," said Jensen. 

"Yeah, have a beer," Megan shrugged. "Relax." 

"Want me to get you a bottle?" Jensen asked. 

"No, no," Jared said. "I'm driving us back." 

"Suit yourself," shrugged Jensen. 

"Truth or dare, Jensen," said Megan. Jared rolled his eyes. Jensen rubbed the back of his neck. 

"Dare," he replied, a smirk playing on his lips. Megan glanced up at Jared, who huffed. 

"Take off your shirt," Megan said, grinning. Jared bit his lip and refused to let himself watch as Jensen pulled his grey t-shirt over his head. He thought he heard Megan laughing at him, but he glanced down and saw that Jensen's cheeks were flushed, so he assumed she was laughing at him.

"Okay, your turn," Jensen said, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortable. "Truth or dare?" 

"Dare," replied Megan. 

"Can Jensen put his shirt on, now?" Jared asked. 

"No, he has to leave it off until the end of the game," replied Megan. "That's how it works. Don't worry, you get to sit there and ogle him." 

"Are you complaining I'm showing skin, Jarebear?" chuckled Jensen. Jared rolled his eyes. "I dare you to give me your phone," Jensen told Megan. Megan groaned and took her phone out of her pocket. Jensen stared down at the device, his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration, and began to tap.

"What are you doing?" Jared asked him curiously. 

"Changing her wallpaper," shrugged Jensen, before he handed the device back to Megan. 

"To what?" Jared questioned. 

"Apparently a picture of a donkey," replied Megan. 

"Not just any donkey," said Jensen. "It's a donkey in a cowboy hat." Jared chuckled. "Are you sure you don't want to join in?" Jensen asked him. Jared nodded certainly. 

"Truth or dare, Jensen," Megan said.

"Dare," shrugged Jensen. 

"I dare you to show us your underwear," replied Megan. Jared widened his eyes. Jensen chuckled sheepishly and stood up. He unbuckled his belt and slid his jeans down to his knees to show the pair his black boxer shorts. Megan chuckled as he flushed while he pulled up his jeans.

"You're lucky mom didn't see you," Jared said. "The lack of a shirt is bad enough." Jensen chuckled. 

"Truth or dare?" he asked Megan. 

"Truth," she replied. 

"What's the worst thing Jared ever did as a child?" Jensen asked. Jared groaned. Megan chortled. 

"One year for Christmas we went to our grandparents and Jared was too awkward to shuffle past our drunk uncles to get to the bathroom so he pissed in the pot plant behind the couch," she said. "He was eight." Jared felt his cheeks blush red as Jensen sniggered. "Truth or dare, Jensen?" Megan asked. 

"Truth," Jensen replied. "Your dares scare me." Megan laughed and Jared chuckled nervously. 

"Are you dating Jared?" Megan asked. Jensen cocked his head. 

"No," he replied. "Why would I be?" Jared widened his eyes as Megan smirked. 

"Well, Jared's liked you for _ages_ ," Megan told him. "He was, like, _obsessed_ when you were on Dark Angel." Jensen chuckled lightly and glanced over at Jared, who had turned his attention to his dog and was trying to pull a piece of rope out of his mouth. 

"Well, uh... we're not dating, to answer your question," replied Jensen. "Truth or dare?" 


	2. Conversation

**Chapter Two**

It was a silent affair, driving back to Jared's house. Jensen tried to start a conversation a few times, but Jared was unresponsive, and he was too tired and drunk to force a response out of him. Jensen stared at his feet and resigned himself to the uncomfortable silence.

Jared stormed into the house as soon as they pulled into the driveway, leaving Jensen and the dog in the car. "Come on, boy," Jensen muttered. "Let's get you your snack." The dog yapped and followed Jensen into the kitchen. 

Jensen gave the dog a few pieces of chicken and poured himself some orange juice. He couldn't hear the TV, so he supposed Jared had gone to his room. He sighed.

~~~ 

Jared sat on his bed with his head in his hands. He could hear Jensen laughing at the TV downstairs and felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He wiped his eyes and groaned. Jared slipped into his bathroom and dried his eyes, before he wandered downstairs. He didn't want to speak to Jensen, or be forced to look at the man, but his throat was dry and sore, so he plodded to the fridge to pour himself a glass of orange juice. "Jay?" he heard Jensen call. Jared did not reply. "That you?" Jensen asked. Jared remained silent and began to stride out of the room. Jensen stood up and paused the TV. He watched Jared approach the stairs and sigh. "Hey, Jay, will you come here for a sec?" he asked.

"Can you- can you just leave it?" Jared sighed. He shuffled awkwardly and refused to make eye contact with his co-star. 

"Look, pal, I just want to talk," Jensen told him softly. 

"I'm not in the mood, Ackles," Jared said, before he proceeded to march upstairs. Jensen shook his head. 

~~~ 

Jared awoke early in the mornings. He put on a pot of coffee and filled his dog's bowl with kibble. The dog munched it all down while Jared sipped his coffee. He rapidly changed into his running clothes and took the dog out of the house. 

Jensen was in the kitchen when Jared returned. Jared was not expecting this as in Vancouver, Jensen was never a morning person. "Hey, Jay," Jensen said absent-mindedly as he stirred his scrambled eggs. Jared grunted. "Do you want bacon and eggs?" Jensen asked. 

"I, uh... I need to shower," Jared said shakily. "I'm sweaty." 

"I'll leave a plate out for you, anyway," sighed Jensen. "In case you want it after your shower." Jared nodded and marched upstairs. 

Jared smiled when he collected the plate off the counter in the kitchen. He sat on the wooden stool at the counter and began to eat. It appeared that Jensen heard him wander downstairs as when he exited the bathroom he padded straight into the kitchen. "Hey," he said, dropping his plate into the sink.

"Uh... hi," Jared murmured, not looking at Jensen. 

"How's the boy?" Jensen asked, leaning on the counter. Jared began to cut up his bacon and continued to ignore Jensen's gaze. 

"He's alright," Jared sighed. "You know, I have things to do, lines to learn, I'd better go eat in my room." He stood up and grabbed his plate, but Jensen gripped his forearm. 

"I know you think I hate you, but I don't," Jensen said. "I really, really don't, so you can relax, yeah?" Jared huffed. 

"Thank you," he murmured. "But you don't need to lie to me; I get that this must make you uncomfortable." 

"No, it _doesn't_ ," Jensen insisted. "So what, you liked me when I was on Dark Angel, it doesn't mean anything." Jared sighed. 

"It- it's not that simple, Jensen," he said. He found that he did not want to eat his breakfast. "I-uh... I-I," he stammered. 

"Relax, yeah, Jay," sighed Jensen. "It's only me, come on, man, I've seen your arse at least twice, you can tell me." 

"First of all, it's not my fault you wandered into my trailer while I was changing," huffed Jared. 

"You should have changed in the bedroom instead of the living room then, shouldn't you?" chuckled Jensen, tutting. 

"Look, Jensen, it's not the easiest thing in the world to tell your best friend that you think he's hot," mumbled Jared. "Let alone explain that you've thought he was attractive since before you actually met him, which is creepy enough without mentioning how obvious it was that your little sister mentioned it." He bit his lip as he heard Jensen sigh. 

"Okay, so you think I'm good looking?" he muttered. "So what? You're my best friend and that's not going to change, right?" Jared shrugged and stared at his eggs. "Like, you're not going to stop hanging out with me because of this, right?" Jensen continued. "You know I still love you." 

"I-I- thanks," murmured Jared. "Yeah, we-we're good." Jensen smiled and ruffled his hair. 


	3. Caution

**Chapter Three**

When they returned to Vancouver, Jensen spent five hours sleeping on the couch in his trailer. Jared laughed when Jensen picked up the phone sleepily that afternoon. "Wha' do ya want?" slurred Jensen.

"Do you uh... do you want to get drinks tonight?" Jared asked. "I-I don't really like being alone up here, it's not very homely." 

I like m' trailer," yawned Jensen. "It's quiet, but alright. I'll see you at eight, right?" 

"I was thinking six," said Jared. "I'm hungry." 

"Okay," shrugged Jensen. Jared thanked him and hung up the phone. 

When in Vancouver, Jared and Jensen had a favourite bar that they went to after work on Fridays, but it didn't open until seven, so Jensen led Jared to a different bar a few metres away. Jared had never been to the bar before and he didn't particularly like wandering in Vancouver on foot in the winter evenings, so he was not looking forward to the night as much as he had been previously. "Come on, Jay-Jay," Jensen said, slinging his arm around Jared's shoulders. "Lighten up." Jared flashed him a smiled and followed him into the bar.

Jared liked the burger that Jensen had ordered him, and he liked Jensen's conversation, but he found the beer too bitter, so he soon turned to water. Jensen, however, stuck to the beer. Jared thought he was quite cute with the foam on his upper lip, but he didn't say that primarily because he knew, at least in public, Jensen liked to keep up a manly image and being called 'cute' would not please him, but also because he did not want Jensen to be reminded of his crush. Jared rolled his eyes as Jensen licked his upper lip and smiled.

~~~ 

Jared and Jensen ate their lunch on one of the wooden benches outside of one of the catering trailers as they usually did the following Monday when they went back to work, but instead of sitting next to each other, their broad shoulders rubbing against one another, Jared sat opposite Jensen. His friend didn't mention it, but he did notice a few of the aids and crew members shooting quizzical glances in their direction. 

Once they had wrapped for the day, Jared followed Jensen into the trailer park. However, instead of accompanying Jensen to his trailer to relax as they usually did, Jared rushed straight to his own and began to pack up his things so he could leave as quickly as possible. He threw his rucksack onto his back and strode out of the trailer. He spotted Jensen sat on the steps of his own trailer behind him, but did not glance at him as he left. 

Jared did the same thing all week. He made sure that he wasn't cold towards Jensen as he did not want his friend to think that he was mad at him, but he wanted to diminish the jokes the crew made about him hitting on Jensen and reduce any worries Jensen would have had about Jared invading his personal space. Every afternoon once they wrapped he would head home and take his dog for another walk on top of his morning jog so he could fill his time. However, on Friday, as Jared turned to leave the studio, he felt Jensen grip his bicep. "Uh... hey," Jared said, cocking his head. 

"Are we watching the game tonight?" Jensen asked. 

"Um... what?" Jared asked, shifting out of Jensen's grip and rubbing the back of his neck. 

"Last year I came to your apartment for the games, so we could watch the season together, remember?" sighed Jensen. 

"Oh yeah, right," Jared said awkwardly. 

"Do you uh... do you want me to come over or not?" Jensen asked. "It's totally okay if you don't," he added quickly. "I get it, you're busy, but, y'know, it's more fun to watch with your friend than alone." Jared looked at Jensen and smiled. 

"Yeah, no, I'm game if you are," he said. "Let me take off these boots first, though." Jensen nodded and followed Jared to his trailer. 

When they got to Jared's house, Jared ushered Jensen into the living room, while he strode into the kitchen. He petted his dog's head and took a couple of beers out of the fridge. "You coming, Jay?" Jensen asked. 

"Yeah," Jared called. "Do you want chips?" 

"Sure," replied Jensen. Jared poured some doritos into a bowl and took the beer and bowl into the living room. Jensen smiled at him and tapped the couch beside him. Jared smiled back and sat down. "How're you?" Jensen asked. Jared raised an eyebrow. "I feel like I never see you any more," shrugged Jensen.

"Y-Yeah, I guess," replied Jared. 

"Why is that?" Jensen asked. 

"I-I guess I was just being cautious," shrugged Jared. "I didn't want you to dwell on the whole liking you thing and wanted to prove I could still be your friend." 

"By avoiding me?" questioned Jensen. 

"No, no," Jared said. "I haven't _avoided_ you. If you'd have approached me I'd have spoken to you, but I just wanted to sort of be normal friends." 

"What do you mean?" asked Jensen. 

"Well, we don't have a usual relationship," shrugged Jared. "Do we? We're pretty touchy-feely and I didn't want to put you off." 

"Jay, seriously, you don't need to change our relationship," sighed Jensen. "I don't really care about this "liking me thing" so you can relax, yeah? You're a huggy sort of guy and I don't mind." 

"Thanks," Jared said, smiling softly. Jensen nodded and stuck his hand in the bowl of doritos. 


	4. Deceleration

****

**Chapter Four**

Jared did not have to try very hard to fall back to his original relationship with Jensen. It was easy for him to feel comfortable around his friend and he found that he was much happier when he spent more time with him, not just because he was enamoured with the man's gorgeous eyes and freckles, but because he was quite lonely and homesick so far away from his life in Texas and was thankful that he had a close friend to alleviate some of the sadness. Jared didn't dislike filming in Vancouver, but he found that it was more difficult whenever he went home and then returned as he was so used to his own home near his family and now he didn't have that. 

Both Jared and Jensen preferred to be at Jared's place to Jensen's. This wasn't because Jared disliked Jensen's home, but because his loud neighbours could be very annoying. Every day, Jensen would recommend a restaurant for him and Jared to check out, but on Friday's they'd stay in at Jared's to watch the game. 

On the fifth Friday, there was no game, so Jensen asked Jared to head to their favourite bar with him. Jared agreed and raised an eyebrow. He noticed than Jensen was quiet and seemed sheepish but, as he thought about it, he realised that Jensen had been off all week. Jared supposed that the stress of and ever busy job that he had kept him from noticing how over the past few days Jensen had cracked less jokes and had seemed more and more quiet as the days went on. Jared led Jensen to their usual table not far from the door. "I'll get the drinks, yeah?" Jensen murmured. Jared nodded and shrugged off his coat. 

When Jensen returned, Jared sipped his beer and smiled at him. "You good, man?" Jared asked. He could not work out why Jensen was acting off and he had hoped that he had not done anything. 

"Yeah, yeah," Jensen said. "I-I'm great. Just great." He sipped his own beer and sighed. 

"Are you sure?" pressed Jared. "You seem a little... off with me." Jensen gulped down some of his beer and shook his head. 

"No, pal, no," Jensen said quickly. "It-it's not you, okay." 

"Okay," muttered Jared. 

"Look, I um... I need to tell you something," Jensen murmured. "And you need to promise not to freak out." Jared nodded, eager to find out what was bothering Jensen so much. Jensen sipped his beer and exhaled shakily. "I-I'm gay," he muttered. Jared raised an eyebrow. 

"Really?" he asked. Jensen nodded. "Wow...uh... wow," Jared mumbled. "I-I didn't expect that." 

"Not at all?" Jensen asked. Jared shook his head. "Yeah, well, now you do," sighed Jensen. "Do me a favour and don't spread it around, though, I don't need an expose article written about me." 

"Yeah, yeah okay," Jared said, sipping his beer. "Do, uh... do many people know?" Jensen shifted uncomfortably. 

"Not really, no," sighed Jensen. "A few friends from Dallas and my family know, but that's pretty much it. I-I just thought since Eric thinks it's likely we'll be picked up for a third season and I spend much more time with you than any of those friends and, Christ, Jay, we've slept in the same bed, man, it was- it was only fair to tell you." 

"Well, thanks for telling me, Jense," Jared said. "But I-I hope you didn't tell me because you think you had to. " 

"No, no, no," Jensen said quickly. "I just felt bad that I hadn't told you yet. I mean, I know you're not entirely straight so I knew you wouldn't exile me or something, but I thought you ought to know." 

"Thanks, Jense," murmured Jared. "If you knew I wouldn't hate you over it, though, why have you been so weird?" 

"I just worried," shrugged Jensen.

"Does this normally go well for you?" Jared asked. "This coming out thing?" 

"Uh... my parents didn't react," sighed Jensen. "My father is okay with it and while I think my mother still wants the wife and 2.5 kids from me, she's stopped asking me if I'm dating my female friends and she doesn't ask me if I have a girlfriend, so that's good. My brother was cool with it; he said he's known since I was like 16 but he didn't want to bring it up. I-I guess my friends and my sister were cool with it, but my sister told my grandparents who did not like it." 

"Sorry about that," mumbled Jared. "I've never had anyone react badly before." 

"Yeah, well, I just sorta worried you'd tell people," sighed Jensen. "But also I guess I didn't know where or how I could tell you. Also I... uh, I don't want you to think I'm like teasing you or something over the liking me thing." Jared nodded and sipped his beer. He ruffled Jensen's hair, who chuckled. 

"Want to go back to mine after this?" Jared asked. "We can order pizza." Jensen nodded and smiled. 


	5. Masturbation

**Chapter Five**

Jared's favourite thing about where his house was located was the park. Last year, he had rented and apartment where there was nowhere ideal to take his dog, but now he could run a few laps in the morning before work and then head off. He knew Jensen was often annoyed by how long it took him to shower and change in the morning, but he gave Jensen some danish pastry and his friend shut up about it. 

There was one particular night, however, when Jared couldn't sleep. He woke at around three and could not return to unconsciousness. He didn't know if it was the cold, the fact that his dog had decided to climb up onto bed with him, or something else, but by five he gave up on sleeping and filled his dog's bowl with kibble. The dog thanked him with a sloppy lick to his hand before wolfing it down. 

Jared was well and truly shattered when nine o'clock rolled around and he heard Jensen knock on the front door. "Hurry up, Jay," he heard Jensen call through the door. "Hurry or we're gonna be late." 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Jared called. He yawned and forced on his trainers, before realising he was putting the left one onto the right foot. He groaned. 

"You okay, man?" Jensen asked loudly. 

"Yeah, yeah," Jared said dismissively. "I'm just an idiot sometimes." He heard Jensen chortle as he laced up his shoes. 

"You don't have to tell me twice," Jensen said after he had recomposed himself. Jared rolled his eyes although he knew Jensen couldn't see him, bid farewell to his dog, who was not paying attention to him, and left the house. 

Jared didn't realise he had fallen asleep until he felt Jensen slap his cheek. He had fallen asleep with his head on Jensen's shoulder, his face pressed into the crook of his neck. "Hey, Jay, we're here," Jensen whispered. Jared yawned and sat up. 

"Sorry, sorry," Jared said quickly. "I didn't try to do that." 

"It's fine," laughed Jensen. "You looked rough getting into the car." 

"Isn't it a little awkward, though?" sighed Jared as he unbuckled his belt. 

"Not really," shrugged Jensen as they clambered out of the car. "Nothing we haven't done before, just we're sober this time." 

"Yeah, I guess," murmured Jared. 

"However, if you drool on me I will throw a fit," laughed Jensen. Jared chuckled. 

When he went home, Jared was close to falling asleep on his feet. He left some food in the bowl for his dog and dived onto his couch. He covered his head with a cushion, but as he started to fall asleep, his phone began to ring. Jared was tempted to let it ring, but eventually he decided it had been ringing for too long and that it was hurting his head, so he answered. "Hello?" he grunted.

"Hey, man, what took you so long?" came Jensen's voice. Jared grunted. "Look, uh... I need to ask a favour," Jensen murmured. 

"What?" Jared asked. 

"So, uh... my boiler's completely tanked it, man, so I've had to turn it off so my house doesn't like, explode," grumbled Jensen. "Which means I have no running water. So, I was wondering if I could crash with you for a few night? Just while I get it fixed?" 

"Yeah, sure," Jared said. "Come right over." Jensen thanked him and hung up the phone. 

Jared had a bowl of chips and two beers on the coffee table in the living room when Jensen arrived. He came with a black suitcase and a dark green rucksack hung over his shoulder. "Thanks," he muttered as he followed Jared into the living room. "This isn't as much as it looks," he said, gesturing to the suitcase. "I just have some bulky jackets." 

"It's fine, it's fine," Jared said dismissively. "You know where the guest room is, right?" Jensen nodded. 

"Thanks again, man," Jensen sighed. "I know this isn't the best timing and all that." 

"No, man, you can crash any time," said Jared. "Why would it be bad timing?" 

"Well," Jensen said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Last week I told you I was gay and now I'm asking to crash with you. It-It's not far-fetched to assume I have er... _ulterior motives_ if you catch my drift." 

"Do you?" Jared asked sharply. Jensen shook his head. "Then we're fine then, right?" Jared sighed. Jensen nodded. 

~~~ 

Jared liked living with Jensen. He enjoyed not being alone as it made him feel less homesick and he and Jensen were a perfect match; they liked the same shows, had the same work schedule more or less and neither cared if the other fell asleep in front of them. Jared did whatever he could to ensure that Jensen felt welcome in his home without making him feel as if Jared was coming onto him.

Jared came home from work late one evening as he had to shoot a particularly hard scene a few times in a row as one of his co-stars could not remember her lines. Jared didn't mind; he understood that it was tiring work and that she had not been on the show for long, but he would have found more relaxing if their usual director or Jensen was on set with him. 

When he got home, Jared saw that the TV was off and a few empty beer bottles were left on the counter, so Jared assumed Jensen had gone to bed. He yawned and padded downstairs to where Jensen's room was and ratted his knuckles against the door. "'Lo," Jensen called. 

"Can I come in?" Jared asked. 

"Sure," shrugged Jensen. Jared pushed open the door and smiled at Jensen, who was sat on his bed, flicking through a book. "How're you?" Jensen asked, gulping down half of the bottle of water he had on his bedside table. 

"Tired," shrugged Jared. "How're you?" 

"About the same," yawned Jensen. "Wh-what's with the knocking, anyway? On set you just barge into my trailer whenever you please, which is _fine_ by the way." Jared shifted uncomfortably.

"I wanted you to feel at home," shrugged Jared. "You deserve your privacy." 

"Oh cool," Jensen sighed. "I thought it was- never mind, just know you can relax, yeah. Still your house." 

"What did you think it was?" Jared asked curiously. 

"I thought maybe it had to do with the you having the hots for me thing," shrugged Jensen. Jared felt his cheeks flush as he shook his head. "No matter, it's cool." 

"Do you know when you're likely to have the water fixed?" Jared asked. "Not that I'm trying to get rid of you or anything." Jensen chuckled. 

"I dunno, man," sighed Jensen. "Truth be told I haven't actually rang the guy, yet, I've been busy all week. I will soon, though, I swear it." Jared nodded. 

~~~ 

Jared was at the vet with his dog when he received a text from Jensen telling him that he had gone to his house to show the plumber around. Jared told him he'd pick up microwavable pizzas on the way home and put his phone in his pocket. 

Jared was happy to fine that there was nothing terribly wrong with his dog, just that he had probably eaten too much, so he headed back home. He let the dog wander around the kitchen while he headed up to his room. 

Jared noticed that the pile of dirty clothes next to his bed was bigger than he had remembered it being, so he scooped them into his arms and padded downstairs. He forced them into the washing machine and sighed. He took his phone out of his jacket and forced it into the washing machine also. He checked his phone and saw that he had no further messages from Jensen, so he decided to be nice and do Jensen's laundry for him. 

Jared knew that Jensen put all of his dirty clothes back into the suitcase he had brought with him. Jared knew that Jensen didn't bring many clothes with him, so he wore them a few times before he threw them into the suitcase, so Jared presumed that the clothes reeked of sweat by now. He plodded down the stairs to Jensen's room with his hands stuffed in the pocket of his jeans. He could hear faint sounds as if the mattress was squeaky as he approached Jensen's door, but he assumed that Jensen had left the window open. He made a mental note to talk to Jensen about that later, as if it was open when no-one was home people may break into the house, but he continued to plod downstairs. 

Sometimes Jared was teased for being 'too nice'. When he was a child, he gave away most of his sweets to his sister and her friends, so he watched them eat instead of having any himself. When he was a teenager, he allowed one of his friends who had been too hungover to do an essay to hand in his project while he pretended he had left his at home. When he stared working, he spent most of his pay buying his friends and family presents, like a car for his dad and a PS2 for Jensen. Jared had never seen an issue with this as he _liked_ making the people around him happy, but as he quickly slammed shut the door to Jensen's bedroom, he wished that he hadn't thought of helping his friend and had just done his own laundry. 

Jared opened the door to see Jensen lying naked on the bed. He was drenched in his own sweat and he was biting on his knuckles. In his other hand he gripped the base of his throbbing dick and in his ass was a long, nude coloured dildo. Jensen's eyes were tight shut so Jared assumed his friend had not seen him, but there was no doubt that Jensen would have heard him slam the door. 

Jared rushed upstairs. He turned on the washing machine and headed up to his room. He covered his face with his pillow and groaned. There was no way that Jensen would still want to be his friend after that and that would break him. 


	6. Confrontation

**Chapter Six**

Jared cooked his breakfast quickly the following morning. It was Saturday, so he didn't need to be up early, but he woke any way so he could take his dog for a walk. Once he returned, he got to start on his bacon and eggs. He heard the toilet flush downstairs as he plated up his food. He poured himself some orange juice as he heard Jensen march upstairs. "You're up early," he heard Jensen say. 

"Yeah, well, the boy wanted a walk," shrugged Jared. 

"Makes sense," sighed Jensen. "Got any eggs left?" 

"There's two in the fridge," replied Jared. He glanced over at Jensen and noticed that the man wasn't looking at him, but at his sock-clad feet. "There's some of that cereal you like in the cupboard though," he added. 

"Oh, thanks," muttered Jensen. He gave a faint smile, but did not look up. Jared nodded and shuffled out of the room. 

~~~ 

Jared did not see Jensen on Sunday and awkwardly stood beside him as they waited for their car to arrive on Monday. "So, how are you?" Jensen asked him. 

"Bit tired," shrugged Jared. "How're you?" 

"Okay," Jensen said. "I-I uh... spoke to the plumbers, yesterday. I should be able to move back home next week." Jared nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. 

"Oh, okay," said Jared, unsure how to reply to that. He still preferred having someone stay in his house with him, but he felt _awkward_ around Jensen recently and he hoped maybe time apart would improve his relationship with his best friend. 

"I, uh... I want to say thanks," Jensen murmured. "You didn't have to let me stay and I-I would have understood if you asked me to leave, but I-I just want you to know I appreciate it." Jared smiled and lightly punched Jensen's arm. He wanted to question Jensen on his words, but he did not want to discuss it as the car approached. 

~~~ 

Jensen fell asleep in the car on the way home that evening. He had been shooting a pretty physical scene for about three hours and Jared understood why he was exhausted. He gently petted Jensen's sweaty hair as the man's head fell onto his shoulder. When the car stopped outside Jared's house, Jared lightly tapped Jensen's face. "Huh?" Jensen murmured. 

"Uh... we're home," Jared said. He didn't know why he felt so uncomfortable as Jensen studied his face.

"Oh, thanks," Jensen said. He sat up and ran a hand through his hair as he and Jared clambered out of the car. Jared bid goodbye to the driver as Jensen unlocked the front door and pet the head of the dog. 

"Hey, Jensen," Jared said as he entered the house and shut the door. 

"Uh huh," Jensen said, his eyes on his phone. 

"I need to talk to you," Jared sighed. Jensen put his phone on the counter and stared intently at Jared, an eyebrow raised. "Uh... what did you mean earlier when you said, you said that I would kick you out?" Jensen sighed. 

"I didn't say that you _would_ ," he said. "I just meant that after- after Friday night I'd understand if you didn't want me to live with you anymore." 

"Cos you're gay?" sighed Jared, looking down. 

"Cos I was jerking off in your house," replied Jensen, grimacing. 

"You're staying for like a fortnight, I'm not expecting you to - to not do stuff for two weeks," Jared murmured uncomfortably. 

"Yeah, well, I shouldn't have done it on your bed," muttered Jensen. 

"I-I don't care," Jared said quickly. Jensen raised an eyebrow. 

"Clearly you _do_ ," he said. 

"Let's-let's just forget about it, yeah," Jared sighed and he went to walk away. Jensen gripped his forearm. 

"No, no, no," he said. "While we're talking about it let's talk about it. Are we still friends?" Jared nodded. "You still want to hang out and watch the game together and stuff?" Jensen asked. Jared nodded again. "Then why do you look so uncomfortable?" Jensen sighed. 

"Finding out your friend has a fucking dildo isn't the best conversation to have," Jared mumbled. Jensen chuckled. 

"Doesn't everyone have toys?" he asked. Jared shook his head. "Damn," Jensen murmured. "Anyway, why were you in my room anyway?" 

"Oh, I thought you were still out so I was going to do your laundry for you," Jared replied. 

"Oh, thanks," Jensen said. "You can do that tomorrow, if you want." 

"Do it yourself, you lazy dick," Jared chuckled. Jensen laughed. He took a step forward and pulled Jared into a brief hug before padding into the living room. "Love you too," Jared called after him, flushing. He heard Jensen let out a bark of laughter and smirked.


	7. Proposition

**Chapter Seven**

Jensen did not stay at Jared's house for much longer. He left as soon as his new boiler was placed in and Jared was left with an empty house again. There had been a few times during the week after Jensen left that Jared considered buying a small apartment just for himself as his house felt so big and lonesome, but he supposed that that wouldn't be fair on his dog, who enjoyed roaming the unkempt garden. 

Jared was happy to have a half week at work. Kripke and McG had a meeting with studio executives on Thursday, so they decided to give everyone Thursday _and Friday_ off. Jared texted Jensen when he arrived home after they had finished work on Wednesday to see if he wanted to make any plans for their long weekend, what Jared didn't expect was for Jensen to ring him.

"Hey, man," Jared said apprehensively. He knew Jensen and knew that his friend did not like phone calls, so he was curious to why he had rung him. 

"Hey, buddy, how's life?" Jensen asked conversationally. 

"Nothing drastic has happened in the last few hours since I saw you, so pretty good," shrugged Jared. "What about you- are you good?" 

"I-I dunno," sighed Jensen. His voiced sounded shaky and so filled with emotion that Jared barely recognised it. "Do you want to head to the bar, my treat?" 

"I dunno," Jared said. "I wasn't planning on drinking tonight." 

"Please," Jensen begged feebly. "I-I-" 

"Do you want to come here, man?" Jared asked. "We can order take-out from that thai place you like." 

"Yeah, yeah alright," Jensen said hurriedly. "Cool. I'll see you soon." 

"Yeah, see you," Jared said before Jensen hung up the phone. 

Jensen took more time to arrive than Jared had expected. He sat on his couch and sipped a root beer while he waited. He was slightly worried that his friend would not be arriving, before he heard a knock at the door. Jared rushed to open it and and smiled. After he studied Jensen, he dropped his gaze and the frown fell from his lips. Jensen looked tired; his hair was a mess and his eyes looked as if he had been crying. "Hey," Jared said, forcing his voice to sound cheery. "Come on in." Jensen smiled at him. 

"Thanks, buddy," Jensen said. "I appreciate this." Jared smiled and beckoned him inside. 

"Do you know what you want to eat?" Jared asked. Jensen shrugged. "Do you want your usual?" Jared questioned. Jensen nodded shortly and threw himself onto Jared's couch. Jared smiled and sat beside him. "What took you so long?" he asked. "I expected you to be here twenty minutes ago." 

"I-I felt like having some fresh air," muttered Jensen. "So I walked. It took longer than I had anticipated." Jared nodded. 

Jared plodded into the kitchen to order the food while Jensen flicked through TV channels. Once he had finished, he wrote the price the man had told them onto a piece of paper before he joined Jensen in the living room. Jensen nodded at him as he sat on the couch. "How're you?" Jared asked. "You sounded pretty distressed earlier." Jensen shrugged. He switched off the TV and turned to face Jared. 

"Do your family know you're into guys?" Jensen inquired. Jared raised an eyebrow. "Like, I know you're not 100% gay but do they know you like guys?" 

"Not really," sighed Jared. "I've only really liked two guys, so while my siblings worked it out, I never felt the need to tell anyone else. Why?" 

"Just curious," mumbled Jensen.

"Has someone said something to you?" Jared asked. 

"I-I," stammered Jensen. He groaned. "You know I told you my sister told my grandparents that I'm gay and they didn't like it?" he sighed. Jared nodded shortly. "Well, now she's told one of my uncles, too, and he's _really_ mad. He was spurting nonsense to my dad about how he 'ruined' me and accused him of molesting me, which obviously didn't happen. My brother defended me, but then my uncle just got pissed at him and apparently my mother told my father to 'hear him out' when he tried to kick him out of the house." Jensen groaned. Jared placed his hand on his shoulder comfortingly. "I-I," Jensen continued. "I got home to about fifty missed messages from my brother freaking out and from my sister swearing she's not homophobic, just concerned for me. I-I dunno what to think, man." Jensen rubbed the back of his neck and let his head flop back against the cushions. Jared snaked his arm around Jensen's shoulders and gripped his other bicep. 

"It's gonna be okay, Jense," he whispered. "All that trouble is away from you and you're fine here, right?" Jensen sniffed. 

"I-I just _hate_ this right now," he murmured darkly. "I can't be comfortably out because I'm terrified of ruining my career or being type-casted as the gay best friend forever so I like going home and being able to freely talk about things, but now I can't even do that without worrying someone's gonna spread the word." 

"I'm sorry this happened to you," Jared whispered. "Twice nonetheless." Jensen nodded. 

~~~ 

Jared did not see Jensen for the entirety of Thursday. Usually, he would assume his friend was just tired and sleeping, but after seeing how distressed he was on Wednesday, he couldn't help but worry. Fortunately, around lunchtime on Friday he received a text from Jensen inviting him to the bar that night and this time Jared accepted.

Jared arrived at the bar at exactly six o'clock, but Jensen was not there yet, so he ordered a beer and approached their usual table. Unfortunately for him, a couple was already sat there, so he took the table beside them, opposite the window. He sipped his beer as he watched people go past and waited for Jensen to arrive. 

When Jensen did arrive, he headed straight for the bar and ordered himself a whiskey. Jared raised an eyebrow as his friend approached him as usually Jensen drank beer. Jared smiled as Jensen sat opposite him. "Hey," Jensen said, smirking. 

"Hey," Jared sighed. "How are you now?" Jensen shrugged. 

"Better, I guess," he said, sipping his whiskey. "How're you?" 

"Fine," replied Jared. 

Jensen finished his whiskey before Jared finished his beer, so he padded to the bar to order another glass. However, Jared noticed that he didn't hurry back and began speaking to the blond man sat on one of the stools. 

Fifteen minutes later, Jared shuffled to the bathroom. Once he returned, he noticed that Jensen was still whispering to the man at the bar. Jared felt something rising in his stomach as he watched his friend laugh heartily at whatever the other man had said. Jared knew that Jensen had every right to flirt with whoever he wanted, but Jared couldn't help feeling jealous when Jensen gave the laugh that he had only given Jared before to the stranger. Jared downed the rest of his beer and left the bar. 

~~~ 

Jared was awoken at three in the morning to someone banging on his front door. Groaning, Jared stumbled out of bed and pulled on his robe, before marching downstairs and opening the door. Jensen was stood outside with a woman he vaguely recognised, although it was dark so he couldn't make out many of her facial features. "Hullo?" Jared questioned, yawning. 

"Hey, Jared," the woman said. He recognised her voice. "I found Jensen completely pissed so I thought he'd better lay down." Jared raised a quizzical eyebrow at her. "Isn't he staying with you?" she asked. 

"No, he went back home a little while ago," Jared muttered. "He can stay the night though, if it's urgent." The woman nodded and helped Jared maneuver Jensen onto the couch. "Where did you find him?" Jared asked as he helped Jensen take off his shoes. The man was so out of it he didn't even notice. 

"He was leaving a club in Vancouver," replied the woman. "I was visiting a friend's mother who lives nearby because she broke her glasses and as I left I saw him wobbling down the street." Jared chuckled. "It wasn't as amusing at you'd think," she muttered darkly. Jared nodded. 

"Thanks for helping him," Jared said, before he led her out. 

~~~ 

After Jared took his dog for a walk, he was met with the face of a grumpy Jensen when he opened the front door. "Morning," Jared said cheerily, shuffling past him to get to the kitchen. "Coffee?" 

"Don't play nice with me, Padalecki," snarled Jensen. "You abandoned me." 

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jared asked, filling a bowl with water for his dog. 

"Yesterday, at the bar," Jensen said. "I went to get a glass of whiskey and I came back and you were gone. What the hell, man?" 

"No, you _had_ a glass of whiskey, went up for a second one and decided to spent almost half an hour flirting with some guy at the bar," Jared replied. 

"So?" Jensen sniffed. 

"I'm not just gonna wait around and watch you flirt with people," Jared said. "I have other things to be getting on with." 

"So you got bored and decided to just piss off without telling me?" snapped Jensen. 

"No, _you_ got bored of me, after barely saying a word, and then ditched me for some blond guy," Jared grumbled. "I'm not gonna sit around and drink alone when I have things to do." 

"I was coming back," Jensen insisted. "Yeah, I talked to the guy for longer than expected, but I was gonna come back and sit with you, but you were gone." 

"Shut up, Jensen," Jared snarled. "You were quite happy without me and now you're trying to guilt trip me. Fuck you." 

"Woah, man, calm down," said Jensen flatly. "I just wanted to know why you left." 

"And now you know," snapped Jared pointedly. 

"Yeah," sighed Jensen. "I'll have a black coffee, by the way." Jared scowled. "You did ask," shrugged Jensen. Jared rolled his eyes. 

"What did you do after I left?" Jared asked. 

"Pouted for a bit," shrugged Jensen. "I contemplated calling you but I-I kinda worked out why you'd left, so I went back to the bar to talk to Matt-" 

"What, to spite me?" muttered Jared. 

"No," Jensen said. "Because I enjoyed talking to him and I didn't have anyone else to talk to. Look, man," Jensen dropped his voice and placed a hand on Jared's shoulder. "I love you, dude, _so much_ , seriously, but I-I'm gonna flirt with guys and, yeah, I might end up doing it in front of you, but it's nothing personal and it's not that I'm bored of you, okay? I-I know it kinda sucks for you right now, all things considered, but don't take it personally, yeah, it's not you." Jared rolled his eyes. 

~~~ 

Jared and Jensen drank too much again that night. Fortunately, this time they were already sat on Jared's couch, laughing at nothing. "Y'know," Jensen slurred. "Matt wasn't even that into me. Wouldn't fuck me. Bastard." 

"Is-is tha' why you went to the club?" Jared asked. "To get laid?" 

"Oh, yeah," sighed Jensen. "Haven't been fucked in too long, man, drives you insane." 

"You-you like to get fucked?" Jared asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"Why, Jarebear, you want me to fuck you?" Jensen questioned. Jared sighed. "Don' worry, man, I don't mind. Yeah, I like it, I like it a whole fucking lot, but I give it sometimes too, depends on the situation, I guess... and the person." 

"Do you go out looking to get laid often?" Jared asked. Jensen laughed. 

"You know I don't, Jarebear," Jensen murmured. "I hang out with you all the time." Jared hung his head. "Not that that's a bad thing, dearest-boy," added Jensen. 

"I'd totally fuck you," Jared muttered. Jensen laughed. 

"Sure you would, Jarebear," he said, rolling his eyes. 

"No, think about it," Jared said. "I like you and I _really_ like your ass and you wanna get fucked. It's a win-win and there's no awkward small talk needed." 

"You bein' serious right now, Jarebear?" Jensen asked. Jared nodded. "I-I'm in no fit state, man," Jensen laughed. "Probably couldn't get it up if I tried. Y'know what, if you're serious, we'll talk tomorrow." Jared nodded and rested his head on Jensen's shoulder. 

"I love you, Jense," Jared murmured. 

"Love ya too, Jarebear," whispered Jensen sleepily. 


	8. Negotiation

**Chapter Eight**

Jared woke up on Sunday morning with the worst hangover in his life. He yawned and pushed away his dog, who was excitedly licking his face, clearly hoping for a walk. Sighing, Jared got to his feet and led the dog out of the door. 

As he pieced together more and more of what had happened the previous night and what had been said, he hoped that Jensen had left while he was out, but when he returned home an hour later, Jensen was sat at the counter, drinking his coffee. Jared inwardly groaned and struggled to keep a straight face as he led the dog into the kitchen. "Are you feeling as shit as I am?" Jensen asked as he filled the bowl with water. 

"Probably," grumbled Jared. "My head feels awful." Jensen nodded. 

"I fucking hate myself right now," he mumbled. 

"Do you, uh... do you remember much from last night, Jense?" Jared asked, not looking at his friend. Jensen nodded. 

"I remember most of it, yeah," he sighed. He finished his coffee and winked at Jared. "I remember _you_ had an interesting conversation planned for when we were sober." Jared bit his bottom lip and inwardly groaned. "You still game?" Jensen asked. Jared didn't even think before nodding. He flushed as Jensen smiled widely at him. "Good, good," he said. "So am I," he added quickly. "Just so we're on the same page."

"Yeah," Jared said awkwardly. "You hungry?" 

"I could eat," shrugged Jensen. 

"Do you want to go out for breakfast?" Jared asked. "I haven't got much food." 

"Don't try and weasel your way out of this now, Padalecki," Jensen said playfully. "You've already told me you're swooning." Jared rolled his eyes. Jensen chuckled and strode past him to drop his mug into the sink. Jared shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck.

~~~ 

After breakfast, Jared planned to drag Jensen to the nearby park. This was because while he still wanted to spend time with his friend, he did not want to start a conversation that would likely embarrass him and he knew that Jensen would not do so in public when they could be overheard. However, Jared supposed that Jensen saw right through this as he refused and insisted that they headed back to Jared's. "Are you sure?" Jared asked, hoping he masked the nervousness in his voice. "We spend loads of time at my house and it's such a nice day."

"Jared," Jensen said firmly. "We're heading back." Jared nodded. He felt Jensen pat his arm comfortingly. 

"I-I'm not trying to back out," Jared muttered, as they wandered down his street. "I-I'm just nervous. I - I don't want to be embarrassed by anything." 

"Jay, look," Jensen sighed, stopping. Jared froze and turned around to face his friend. "If you don't want to do this, you can back out at any time, alright, no judgement from me." Jared shook his head and opened his mouth as if to say something, but Jensen strode past him towards Jared's garden.

~~~ 

Jensen pretty much forced Jared into sitting on the bed with him in the spare room that Jared had let him stay in. Jared had never felt more out of place in his own home before, but Jensen was smiling at him, so he tried to will himself to relax. "I mean it, Jay," Jensen muttered. "If you're not into this, we can stop now, no hard feelings." Jared shook his head. "Jared," Jensen said slowly. "I need you to know that after you confessed to being attracted to me you didn't lose any of my respect, yeah, honestly that has not impacted how I view you at all, so please, please don't think you have to do this to earn something from me." Jared nodded. "Also, please don't do this for any other reason than because _you want to_ ," added Jensen. "If you're doing this to make me happy or because you feel jealous when I flirt with other people or to prove something to yourself or anything, please don't, okay. Seriously." Jared nodded. 

"I-I'm not," he rasped out. His throat was dry and his voice was a little hoarse. "I do want to be intimate with you but-but-but man I first thought you were attractive almost five years ago, man, I was like nineteen. It's embarrassing talking about this." Jensen nodded and hummed. 

"I get that, man," he said. "But you need to stop viewing me as some guy you like who might judge you or hate you if you do or say something wrong or embarrassing and start thinking of me as your best friend. If you say something I'm not into, I'll tell you I'm not into it, if you say you want to see a part of my body I'm not confident with, I'll tell you, okay. As much as this is about pleasure and intimacy there has to be communication and we-we can't do it if you're too scared to be honest." 

"Why do we need to talk about it?" huffed Jared. "Why can't we just figure it out as we go along?" Jensen sighed. 

"Because that's entirely irresponsible," he said shortly. 

"How?" argued Jared. "We're both adults, we both know how- how sex works, why do we need to discuss it?" 

"Believe me, Jay, I'm not one for a vulnerable conversation if it's not necessary, but it _really_ is right now," Jensen said slowly. "We need to be certain exactly what we're going to do because we can't just go in head on." 

"I-I'm gonna get a beer from the fridge," Jared mumbled. Jensen shook his head and gripped his wrist. 

"Please, don't," he said simply. "I don't know what you're thinking right now, but please don't try and feel as if you need to escape this with drinking at eleven am." Jared nodded and hung his head. He felt quite bad and as if he had hurt Jensen, but he was uncomfortable talking about sex. He was aware that that was probably why many of his relationships didn't work out as most of the girls, like Jensen, did not want to just try stuff out as they went along, but Jared couldn't help his awkwardness. "Can you tell me one thing you're thinking right now?" Jensen asked. 

"Uh... mainly just a mantra of 'don't say anything stupid' over and over," mumbled Jared. Jensen sighed. 

"Nothing is stupid," Jensen said. "Say whatever you feel needs to be said and if I disagree I'll tell you why. I won't get mad, I won't disrespect you." Jared nodded. Jensen sighed. "This is you and me, Jay," he said comfortingly, releasing Jared's wrist and rubbing his knee. "Just you and me hanging out and talking, yeah?" Jared nodded. He exhaled shakily and felt himself release the tension in his shoulders a bit as he studied Jensen. The more he thought about it, he realised Jensen was right; Jensen wasn't scary, he was his best friend and there was no reason to panic. "Are you looking to top or bottom?" Jensen asked him. Jared widened his eyes, surprised his friend was so blunt. 

"Uh... you sounded like you wanted to- wanted to receive so I'm good with that," murmured Jared. 

"I like either," said Jensen. "But I knew that. I asked what _you_ want, because I don't know that, and I'd like to know that."

"I- I'll do whatever you want," replied Jared. Jensen shook his head and stared pointedly at Jared, an eyebrow raised. "Um... I dunno... um... I-"

"Come on, Jay," Jensen said, leaning closer to his friend. "What would you prefer? Forget what I've said, just tell me what you want."

"Top," Jared whispered. "I wanna be on top." Jensen nodded. 

"Fine with me," he said, smirking. He shuffled around on the bed so he was next to Jared, pressed against the footboard and slung his arm over Jared's shoulders. "Have you ever been with a guy before?" he asked. 

"I kissed a boy once," Jared said. "But never anything more than that." Jensen nodded.

"How old were you?" Jensen asked. Jared raised an eyebrow. "Well, you said 'boy' not 'guy', so I assumed that you hadn't done anything with a guy for a while." Jared nodded. 

"Yeah," replied Jared, flushing. "It was in spin the bottle when I was like fifteen." Jensen chuckled.

"That's fine," he said. He rested his head on Jared's shoulder and yawned. Without realising it, Jared felt his hand stroke through Jensen's hair. "What do you normally do when you hook up with people?" Jensen asked him. "Is there usually a lot of making out and foreplay?" Jared nodded. 

"I've never had a one night stand before," he mumbled. "So I've always been with people I care about." Jensen nodded. "Not that I don't care about you," Jared added quickly. "Just that-"

"Wasn't accusing you of anything, Jay," Jensen said. He sat up again and Jared's hand fell to his knee. Jensen covered Jared's hand with his and smiled. "Do you like that, all the kissing and foreplay?" Jensen questioned. Jared nodded, his eyes on Jensen's hand. "Would you want to kiss me?" Jensen asked him. Jared felt his cheeks blush as he nodded. Jensen laughed and gripped his hand tighter. "Nothing wrong with that, Jay," he muttered. "'S great, actually, cos I like the foreplay too." 

"Have- have you had many one night stands?" Jared asked nervously. He didn't know which answer he'd prefer; if Jensen _had_ had multiple one night stands Jared might feel jealous or inadequate, but if he hadn't he thought that this might be even harder to work with since he'd never had a one night stand so he didn't know what to expect. 

"Not many," shrugged Jensen. "I had one after the Devour premier a few years ago and two over the summer." Jared nodded. "You _can_ ask questions, you know. Anything you want to know, ask." 

"Do you care that I don't know how to give a blowjob?" Jared asked. It wasn't a real question that was bothering him, but he wanted to see how Jensen responded. 

"Not at all," Jensen replied. "Do you want to blow me?" Jared shook his head. "Then there's nothing to worry about," Jensen shrugged. "Do you want me to blow you?" Jared bit his tongue as he felt Jensen stare at him. "Jay?" he questioned after Jared had been silent for some time. 

"Only if you want to," Jared whispered. Jensen laughed. 

"I'll take that as a 'yes', then," he chortled. "Which is fine, okay?" 

"Do you mean it when you tell me you won't judge me?" Jared asked quickly. "Like, honestly. I understand you're not gonna tell me I'm sick for wanting you, but if I say something that makes you uncomfortable, how can you honestly say it will affect nothing?" 

"Okay, look, you 'wanting me' is not an issue," Jensen said. He looked directly at Jared's face as he spoke, and Jared dropped his gaze to Jensen's lips. "Why would it be? Look, if you're too nervous about this we _don't have to do it_ okay, this is supposed to feel good, but if you're second-guessing yourself it won't feel good and that's not fair." Jensen studied his friend. "Tell me honestly what's worrying you about this, please. I mean, I've told you I'm more than prepared to suck your dick so I don't understand why there needs to be any walls up now."

"I'm terrified of you hating me," Jared whispered. His face was pale and he spoke softly. "I-I need you, you're one my only friends up here and I'm so far from home and I-I get homesick and lonely easily and the one thing I do to stop that is hang out with you and if I say something that sounds perverted and I ruin that I'll never forgive myself." Jensen sighed. He shook his head as he thought over Jared's confession. 

"Give me one thing that you've thought about me that you consider to be perverted," Jensen said. "I will give you my honest thoughts. It doesn't change anything, it's not related to the hooking up or the kink negotiation, just conversation." Jared nodded. 

"I'm feeling stuffy, are you feeling stuffy?" he asked, rubbing the back of his neck. "Can we go to the living room?" Jensen sighed. 

"If we do, we have to keep the windows closed," he said. "I don't need your neighbours listening in."

"I doubt they care," shrugged Jared. 

Once they got to the living room, Jensen pulled Jared onto the couch and wrapped his arm around the man's shoulders. Jared smiled softly at him. Jensen smirked. "Come on, Jay, give me something wild," he said. 

"You don't actually want to know," sighed Jared. Jensen raised an eyebrow. 

"Come on, hit me," he said. 

"I dunno, I-I saw a porn magazine at a gas station once where the guy looked like you and the woman was hitting him in the face with a strap-on," shrugged Jared. Jensen cocked his head. 

"You want to hit me with a dildo?" he asked. 

"N-No," Jared stammered. "Just, y'know, get you-you on your knees and hit you with my cock before you suck it." Jensen raised an eyebrow as he thought it over, before shrugging. 

"We can do that, if you want," he said. Jared shook his head urgently. 

"No, no, no, no, no," he said quickly. "That-that was before I met you and you said that question was not related to the hook up so no." 

"Okay, okay, I get it," said Jensen. "I must say, it _does_ sound a bit more perverse knowing you thought that before we met, but whatever. Back to the matter at hand, what do you usually do for foreplay?" 

"Just, like, kissing and necking and licking, I guess," replied Jared. "What do you do?" 

"Depends who it's with," shrugged Jensen. "Sometimes the vanilla stuff like you said, sometimes nipple play, sometimes light spanking, it all depends. What would you like to do?" 

"I don't want to be spanked," Jared said softly. Jensen nodded. "But-but if _you_ do, I'm up for that." 

"Alright," Jensen told him, his voice huskier. "But no dramatic BDSM-style over the knee stuff, just a few taps and I don't want to hurt afterwards so I'm not going fully red either. Pink, fine, and rosy, fine, no more colour than that." Jared nodded. "You like hickeys?" Jensen asked. Jared shook his head. "Do you want to give me hickeys?" Jensen asked. Jared thought for a moment. 

"Honestly, yes, I really would," Jared murmured. "But I get it if you don't want to." 

"Yeah, I'm gonna pass on that," Jensen said. "I don't have a vampire kink and I don't really want to be bitten anyway." Jared nodded. "You like being licked, then?" Jensen inquired. 

"Uh, I guess," shrugged Jared. "Not like a dog or anything, but some people like to kiss down the body and I don't mind people licking the naval region." Jensen nodded. 

"Do you want to lick me?" he asked. Jared nodded. "Fine with me," Jensen said. "What about nipple play, do you like having your nipples tweaked?" Jared shook his head. 

"Do-do you like having your hair pulled?" Jared asked Jensen raised an eyebrow. 

"Excuse me, Goldilocks," he drawled. "Have you seen your locks? If anyone's hair looks like it should be pulled, it's yours." Jared chuckled. 

"Well, y'know, when you give a blowjob, do you like people playing with your hair?" Jared asked. Jensen hummed thoughtfully. 

"I guess," he said. "I've never really thought about it before. I don't like having it pulled, though, but you can play with it. Don't be too rough, either, though, I don't like being forced to deepthroat." Jared nodded. "Are you okay with prep?" Jensen asked. 

"What do you mean?" Jared questioned. 

"Are you okay with prepping me or do you want me to do it myself?" Jensen asked. Jared bit his lip. 

"I-I can do it," he eventually replied. "But you may need to talk me through it." Jensen nodded. 

"That's fine, Jay," he said. "Good to know, actually," he added as he noticed Jared flush. "I'd prefer know you weren't confident before hand." Jared nodded and smiled at him. "Are there any toys you want to use?" Jensen asked. "I know you said you don't have any, but are there any you want?" 

"No," Jared replied. "Do you want to use your toy?" 

"Not really," replied Jensen. "I tend not to use toys with people, just by myself, generally just being with someone else is enough of a turn on to get me going." 

"Really?" Jared asked. 

"Yeah," Jensen sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Just having someone pressed against me or kissing my neck is- it's nice." Jared nodded. He felt Jensen's arm snaked around to rub his back. "Anything else?" Jensen whispered into Jared's ear. "Is there anything I haven't mentioned you really want to do?" 

"No," Jared replied quickly. 

"Are you sure?" Jensen inquired. Jared nodded. "Okay, well, in that case, let's leave it there, then. You okay to uh... proceed on Friday?" 

"Friday?" Jared questioned. 

"Yeah, well, we have work tomorrow and I'm assuming if you're at all proportional I'm going to have issues sitting down, if not walking, and I'd hate to go to work more bow-legged than I already am," Jensen said. Jared nodded. 

"Okay, yeah, Friday," he said gruffly. 

"Cool," Jensen said. "Can I stay for lunch, I'm starving?" 

"We're gonna need to go shopping then," Jared mumbled, slightly concerned that Jensen could so quickly go from talking about his ass to lunch.

"Alright, I'll come," Jensen said.


	9. Discontinuation

**Chapter Nine**

Jared left set during his lunch break Tuesday so he could take his dog for a walk. He had overslept as he had been overworked on Monday as McG had wanted to make up for lost time. Jared didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Jensen before he left he set, so he was understandably grumpy when Jared returned. Jared rushed to the canteen and bought a sandwich, before locating Jensen and his stunt double, Todd, at one of the benches. Jared smiled at nodded at him, but did not join them, instead deciding to head back to the stage. 

Jensen followed him and slapped the back of his head when he finally caught up. Jared scowled and turned around. He relaxed a little when he noticed who it was, but raised an eyebrow at Jensen's pout. "Where've you been?" Jensen asked. Jared explained. Jensen sighed. "You could have told me," he said. 

"I didn't think it would matter that much," shrugged Jared. "I can't have the dog getting restless." 

"We _always_ eat lunch together," said Jensen. "It was weird without you." 

"Sorry," Jared said. "Won't happen again." Jensen nodded and ran his hand through Jared's hair. 

"Good," Jensen said pointedly, before he smirked. Jared rolled his eyes. "You want to get thai tonight?" Jensen asked. "I'm too lazy to cook and I always feel pathetic having take-out by myself." Jared hummed thoughtfully. He had purchased the ingredients to make a chili tonight, but he didn't want to turn down Jensen's company. He sighed. 

"Sure," he said. Jensen cocked his head. 

"If you have other plans, that's fine," he said. Jared shook his head. 

"No, no, I'm good," Jared said. "Thai it is." Jensen nodded as Kripke entered the stage and clapped his hands. 

~~~ 

Tuesday night was calm and nothing out of the ordinary. Jensen and Jared ate on Jared's couch and watched old cartoons just to laugh at them and Jared listened to Jensen's story of his old family dog. "You looking forward to Easter?" Jared asked, once Jensen fell silent.

"I dunno," Jensen sighed. "I haven't heard anything from my parents yet so I don't know if I'm invited to go with them." 

"Oh," was all Jared could say. 

"Yeah," Jensen chuckled. "My brother and my cousin are going to Europe for the week so I might not even bother going, though, because without my brother it'll probably suck." 

"You could come hang out with us, if you want," Jared said. "Not- not that you have to and I'm sure you have lots of other options, but Megan likes you and my brother and his fiancee are going to her family's so, y'know, if you want." 

"Thanks, Jay," Jensen said, smiling softly. "I appreciate it, man." 

"You don't have to," Jared repeated. "I'm sure you have other stuff to do but, y'know, offer's there." Jensen placed his hand on Jared's knee and smiled at him. 

"Thank you," he said sincerely. Jared beamed despite himself. 

~~~ 

Jensen ensured that Jared sat with him for lunch on Wednesday. One of the guest stars was talking loudly to a producer beside them, so they were able to talk with relative certainty that they were not being overheard. Jared sat opposite Jensen again as he thought they would look suspicious if they were practically whispering into one another's ears. "You still want to do this, right?" Jensen asked. Jared raised an eyebrow. "Friday," Jensen explained. 

"Oh right," Jared sighed. "Yeah, yeah, I'm still game." 

"Not what I was asking," Jensen said gruffly. "I want- I _need_ to know that you genuinely want to do this. If you say no, nothing changes, I won't be annoyed, but I can't do this if you're making yourself." 

"No, no, I want to do it," Jared muttered. "It's just awkward to talk about." 

"You don't have to tell me twice," Jensen said. 

"Can I ask you something?" sighed Jared. 

"Shoot," shrugged Jensen, biting into his sandwich. 

"Where are you-we- I don't know- where are you planning on doing this?" Jared questioned. 

"I don't mind," replied Jensen. "Obviously not in the back of some bar or something, if that's what you're worried about." Jared shook his head. 

"Where would you have gone with Matt?" Jared asked. 

"I don't know, maybe his place, maybe my car," sighed Jensen. 

"I've never had car sex before," mumbled Jared. 

"I doubt you could," snorted Jensen. "You're too big. I struggle to maneuver myself properly. I suppose I just assumed we'd do it at one of our places; it's not like it's a hook-up we arranged with a stranger who might kill us, is it?" Jared chuckled. 

"Can-can we do it at your place, please?" he asked quietly. "I-I don't know why I just don't want to do it at mine." 

"Sure," shrugged Jensen.

~~~ 

Jared ate lunch alone in his trailer on Friday. He saw Jensen walked past, also alone, and assumed that he knew where he was. Jared appreciated that he hadn't come to confront him as Jared was feeling more and more nervous by the second. He told himself that it was just the excitement of getting to be with Jensen, but he wasn't sure if he actually believed that.

Jared had to work for three hours after lunch, whereas Jensen only had to work two, so the latter waited in his trailer for an hour and met Jared outside of the main stage. Jensen shot him a comforting smile as they began to stride towards their car. Jensen studied Jared; his breathing was rapid and he looked very pale. Jensen stroked his arm and held the door for him as they clambered into the car. "My place today, please," Jensen said. The driver nodded and the car began to move. Jared chewed on his bottom lip as they sat in silence. 

Jensen led Jared up the stairs to his apartment and to his kitchen. Jared gripped the side of the counter and stared down at his white knuckles. Jensen smiled at him, attempting to reassure him, but Jared felt his stomach drop. He felt as if he was about to be sick. "Do you want a beer?" Jensen asked him. "Or soda or something?" Jared shook his head. Jensen shrugged and took a beer for himself out of the fridge. "You want to watch the highlights from last week's game?" he asked. Jared shook his head and gulped. 

"I'm sorry," he blurted out. "I'm so, so, so, so, _so_ sorry, but I can't do this- not today- I don't know why, I just can't. I'm sorry." Jensen rushed to him and placed his arm around his hips, steadying his friend and placing his hand on the small of his back. 

"It's okay," he whispered. "It's okay, you're fine. Relax. Do you want some water or something to drink?" 

"I'm sorry, Jense," Jared continued. "I-I-I don't know what went wrong. I-I-I _can't_." Jensen nodded. 

"I'm not going to make you, Jay," he said. "You wait here, I'll get you some water." Jared gripped the counter as Jensen got him a bottle of water from the fridge. He opened it and handed it to Jared, who gulped half of the bottle down rapidly. "You okay now?" Jensen asked. He rubbed Jared's back and smiled at him reassuringly. Jared nodded shortly. "Do you want to sit down?" Jensen asked. Jared shook his head. "Do you want to lay down?" Jensen asked. Jared shook his head again. "Are you hungry?" Jensen asked. 

"I-I'm fine," replied Jared. "I-I'm sorry, I really am." 

"Hey, it's okay," Jensen said. "You don't need to apologise, you have every right to decide you're not into it." 

"It's not that," sighed Jared. "I- I just don't feel good about it today." 

"And that's alright," shrugged Jensen. "You sure you don't want a snack?" 

"I'm sorry," mumbled Jared. "I wasted your time." 

"You didn't waste my time," said Jensen, narrowing his eyes. "It's fine." 

"I told you you were going to get laid and I failed to deliver," sighed Jared sadly. 

"Jared, there are more important things in life than how often Jensen gets dicked down," muttered Jensen. "It's not a big deal, please relax." 

"But we spent all that time talking about it and trying to work it out so it could be perfect and I ruined it," Jared said miserably. He was close to tears now and his voice showed it. Jensen sighed. 

"You've ruined nothing," Jensen said firmly. "We can try another time, if you'd like, and if not, it's cool." 

"Please don't think I was leading you on," Jared murmured. 

"I don't think you were leading me on, Jay," Jensen sighed. 

"How?" questioned Jared. 

"Because I know you and I know that we didn't spend nearly a week discussing this while you knew the entire time you'd decide not to do it," Jensen said. "Which, of course, isn't an issue, I'm not going to make you do anything." Jared nodded and finished his water.

"I still wasted your time, though," he mumbled. 

"No, you didn't," Jensen said pointedly. "Every second we spent was worth it because if we _do_ get round to doing this we have an idea about what the other likes, and if we don't our intentions were good." Jared nodded wordlessly. Jensen patted his back slowly and sipped his beer. 

"I-I'd better go," mumbled Jared. 

"No, no," Jensen said quickly. "Stay. I thought we could order Chinese or something and watch James Bond. What'cha say?" 

"Jensen, it's fine," Jared muttered. 

"Come on, Jay," insisted Jensen. "Relax." 

"If I stay, you're not getting laid," murmured Jared. 

"Fine with me," shrugged Jensen. "It's been a long week." 

"I'm sure if you head out tonight, without me, you're likely to find someone who'll want to hook up with you," mumbled Jared. "Make it worth your time and all that." 

"Why would I go to the club alone?" sighed Jensen. "It's more fun with a friend." 

"I-I-I can't watch you flirt with other guys," Jared murmured. "I know you said you'll probably do it, but I-I can't." 

"Woah, woah, you're the one who brought up heading to the club, Jay, not me, _I_ just said I didn't want to go alone," Jensen said quickly. 

"If you do, you'll probably get laid," said Jared. 

"Jared, once again I must remind you that some things are more important than getting fucked, one of which is food," Jensen told him softly. "So, are you staying or not?" Jared shook his head. 

"I'm gonna go home and see my dog," he mumbled. "Have a nice night, Jensen. I am sorry." Jensen rolled his eyes as Jared left the apartment. He put down his beer and rushed down the stairs after his friend. 

"JAY! JAY, MAN, COME ON!" he called. Jared stopped and looked up at him. 

"What?" he asked. 

"You're my best friend," Jensen said, walking down a step so he was only one above Jared. "You're my best friend and I-I can't have you just walk away." 

"'M sorry," mumbled Jared. 

"Don't be sorry, Jay," Jensen said. "Relax. Me and you, remember?" 

"Do you want to order a pizza at my place?" Jared asked. Jensen smiled. 

"Sure," he replied. Jared smiled softly at him. 


	10. Elation

**Chapter Ten**

Jared walked his dog around the park on Sunday morning as he usually did. He let the dog off his lead so he could rush around the park when he spotted Jensen stood under a tree, talking to a man with black hair that he didn't recognise. Jared sat on a bench and watched his dog rush around with two other dogs and willed his eyes away from Jensen.

After Jared whistled to call his dog back to him, he felt someone hit his shoulder. Jared scowled and spun around and found Jensen smirking at him. Jared wondered why he didn't assume it was Jensen first, but he supposed that he hadn't realised Jensen had noticed him. "Morning, Jay-Jay," Jensen said. "How're you?" 

"I'm fine," shrugged Jared. "Slightly hungry. I haven't had breakfast yet. What about you? I don't think I've ever seen you out of bed this early before."

"Yeah, well, my neighbours decided to, uh... partake in very loud activities this morning so I decided to take a walk," replied Jensen sheepishly. "Do you want to go and get breakfast? There's a place that does Danish pastry around the corner." 

"Sure," Jared said. He strapped the lead back onto his dog's collar and, without glancing back at Jensen's raven-haired friend who was definitely watching them, he followed Jensen out of the park. 

Jared and Jensen sat on the bench outside the pastry restaurant as they did not allow dogs inside and Jared didn't want to abandon his furry companion who was used to heading straight home after a walk. Jensen yawned and smiled at Jared as he bit into his food. Jared smiled back as Jensen ran a hand through his hair, which Jared realised he hadn't bothered to put product in this morning. Jared thought it made him look quite cute, but he didn't say that. "You okay?" Jensen asked "You're staring." 

"Sorry," Jared said quickly. "Lost in thought." Jensen nodded and sipped his coffee.

"Want to head to mine?" Jensen asked. "I can set up the PlayStation and beat you again." Jared laughed. 

"Oh, you wish," he chuckled. "You've won, like, once." Jensen shrugged. He dropped an arm around Jared's shoulders and smirked at him. "I should probably take the boy back," Jared sighed, patting the dog's back. "And I am in desperate need of a shower." 

"I agree with you there," laughed Jensen. Jared smiled and stood up, causing Jensen's arm to drop to his side. "See you, then," Jensen murmured as he stood up. Jared nodded. 

~~~ 

Monday was a night shoot. Jared and Jensen sat in one of the golf carts that the first AD had brought and watched the scene that two of the guest stars were acting out. "Why are we here?" questioned Jared sleepily. "We're not even in this scene." 

"We're in the next one," shrugged Jensen. 

"Why couldn't we do that one first?" Jared asked. 

"That's selfish, Jared," tutted Jensen humourously. "Other people need to go home too." Jared chuckled. 

"I know, I know," he said. 

"Is it that much of a chore to hang out with me?" Jensen asked. Jared rolled his eyes. 

"No, no," sighed Jared. "But, I don't live alone, Jense, I have a dog to feed."

"Why didn't you ask someone to go and feed him while you work?" Jensen asked. 

"I always forget how long this takes," shrugged Jared. "I hoped we'd be home by now." Jensen laughed, earning him a glower from the man holding the boom mic in front of them. 

Jared allowed a sleepy Jensen to accompany him home as their driver was equally as tired as they were and Jared didn't want to force him to drive Jensen home as well. "Can I have a snack?" Jensen asked as Jared unlocked the door. The man was pressed up against him and spoke practically into his ear, causing the hairs on the back of his neck to stand up. He pushed the door open and turned around to smile at Jensen.

"Sure," he shrugged. Jensen ran a hand through his hair as he followed Jared into the kitchen. Jared smirked as he watched Jensen's shirt rise up, showing off his flat stomach as he stretched. He was aware that Jensen was considerably athletic, but he was fit and he also looked very cuddly. 

"Got any chips?" Jensen asked. Jared nodded and dropped his gaze, hoping that Jensen wouldn't notice that he had been watching him. Jared took a pack of doritos out of the cupboard above the fridge. He handed it to Jensen, who grinned at him. Jared smiled back as Jensen strode into the living room. 

~~~ 

Jared fell asleep beside Jensen. He woke up to find his friend still sat on the couch, his feet on the coffee table and watching the TV opposite them. The bag of doritos was still rested on his lap and he was laughing slightly. Jared sat up and smiled at him. The older man didn't seem to notice and ran a hand through his hair, causing it to stick up. He licked his lips and sighed, his hand falling to Jared's shoulder. Jared didn't think before leaning in and kissing him. 

Jared internally cursed himself. He scrunched up his nose and froze almost the second his lips touched Jensen's and went to pull away when he felt Jensen's hands snake into his hair and his tongue piercing into his mouth. Jared smiled into the kiss and allowed Jensen to pull off his jacket. Jensen pulled away, his lips redder than they had been, a ran a hand through Jared's hair. "You okay?" he asked softly. Jared nodded slowly. Jensen pressed his lips to Jared's and shrugged off his own jacket. He began unbuttoning his shirt and Jared ran a hand through his soft hair. Jared nipped his bottom lip a little, but Jensen didn't react, simply pulling off his shirt and turning his attention to Jared. He pulled away and tugged Jared's t-shirt over his head. "We good?" Jensen murmured. Jared nodded, feeling heat rising in his cheeks and blood rushing to his groin. Jensen grinned back and began unbuckling Jared's belt. Jared gulped and brought his hands to Jensen's jeans, slowly unbuttoning them. Jensen smirked and kissed Jared's shoulder as he pulled the man to his feet. 

Soon they had rid themselves of trousers, shoes and pants. They were stood in the living room in just their socks as Jensen leant in and nibbled on Jared's ear. Jared shivered and pushed him back onto the sofa. "Are you okay?" Jensen asked, his hand rubbing Jared's back. "Everything good?" Jared nodded and kissed him. It was a slow kiss, surprising in the heat of the moment, but Jared relaxed into it. He could feel Jensen's cock rub against his thigh as Jensen pulled away and began to kiss his way down Jared's chest. Jensen's fingers lightly brushed over Jared's nipple, but they then went behind him as he began to rub Jared's back. Jared let his fingers wander to Jensen's hair and smoothed the silky strands as Jensen kissed the top of his thigh. Jared felt something turn in the pit of his stomach as Jensen stopped and stared up at him. "If you need to stop, now would be a great time to say so," he said. Jared shook his head. "This is okay with you?" Jensen asked. Jared nodded. "You need to say it," Jensen said.

"It's okay," Jared murmured. "More than okay." Jensen smirked and kissed the top of Jared's right thigh before slipping his lips around the head of Jared's painfully hard cock. Jared bit his lip to stop himself from moaning and widened his eyes. Jensen's tongue lapped along the side, most likely tasting his precum, and Jared let his eyes fall shut. 

"We can stop here," Jensen muttered huskily, pulling off. "We don't need to go any further and I can help you finish now." Jared opened his eyes and raised an eyebrow. 

"You-You don't want more?" he asked. 

"No, I do," Jensen said. "But if you don't, we don't have to." Jared shook his head. 

"I-I want you," he said, blushing. He felt the redness spread down his neck, towards his collar as Jensen smirked at him. 

"Okay then," Jensen said, taking Jared's fingers into his mouth. Jared resumed petting Jensen's hair as Jensen added licked up Jared's third finger, before releasing them. "We can- we can stop at any time," Jensen panted. "Just tell me if- if you're uncomfortable or you're not enjoying it, yeah?" Jared nodded and kissed Jensen's forehead. Jensen grinned sheepishly at him and fell back onto the sofa, his legs either side of Jared's hips. "Do you know what you want?" he asked. "What do you want me to do?"

"I want your ass," Jared murmured without thinking. Jensen's eyes widened. "Sorry, sorry," Jared said quickly. 

"Don't be sorry," Jensen said. "Relax, feel good. Do you know what you're doing?" 

"Uh... I understand the theory," mumbled Jared. 

"Start with the index finger," said Jensen. "And start slow." Jared nodded. Slowly, he brought his finger to Jensen's hole and began to rub slowly. Jensen nodded at him in appreciation. Jared rubbed his second hand up Jensen's thigh and kissed just below his knee as the finger slipped in. Jensen gasped at the intrusion, but smiled encouragingly at his friend. 

Soon Jared was full seated inside Jensen. He felt as if he was suffocating and overwhelmed with pleasure at home warm and tight Jensen was at the same time. His thrusts were shallow but forceful and Jensen groaned at everyone. Jared rubbed his hand up Jensen's back, copying what he had done early, and kissed Jensen's neck. Jensen thrust his own hips onto Jared's couch as Jared thrust into him. "'M close," Jared whispered. 

"I'll help," Jensen muttered. Jared nodded and pulled out slowly, kissing the bottom of Jensen's spine as he did so. Jensen spun around and helped Jared sit beside him on the couch. He licked his own palm and worked his hand along Jared's cock, his fingers dancing over the head, before forcefully jerking him. Jared felt his eyes roll to the back of his head as he moaned and finished, the result of that landing on Jensen's chest. Jared gulped and rest his head on Jensen's shoulder as he attempted to control his panting. Jensen smiled and kissed Jared's neck. He went to grip his own red dick, but Jared's hand batted his away. Jared rubbed his hand along Jensen quickly, spreading his precum around, until Jensen finished, adding to the mess on his own chest. "We need to shower," Jensen whispered, nibbling at Jared's ear. 

"Sleepy," Jared muttered. 

"Well, I'm going to shower," said Jensen. "Enjoy being covered in sweat." Jared rolled his eyes.

"Night," Jared yawned. Jensen nodded and plodded to the bathroom, yawning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are my chapters getting too long? I'm thinking of writing more shorter chapters but idk.


	11. Observation

**Chapter Eleven**

Jared awoke naked on the couch under a green blanket he vaguely recognised. He supposed Jensen must have fished it out of one of the draws for him and yawned. He had no idea what the time was, but he was surprised that his dog had not yet woken him up. 

Yawning, Jared plodded upstairs to his room. He switched on his en suite shower and rustled through his wardrobe for some sweatpants and a t-shirt. He didn't know where his clothes from the previous night were, but he supposed Jensen must have put them somewhere. Jared smiled at the thought of his sweet, cute friend. He regretted not taking the time to study him as he knew Jensen had last night, but he supposed he could always find other ways to make Jensen's green eyes widen at him.

Jared didn't take long in the shower, he just washed off all the dried sweat and put some shampoo in his hair. He speedily changed and frowned when he heard barking outside. He glanced out of the window to see Jensen in the garden, throwing a ball for his dog to chase. Jared smiled, watching them for a few moments as Jensen pet the dog softly, before he threw the tennis ball again. The dog ran wildly after it, causing Jensen to chuckle. Jared noticed that Jensen was wearing his jeans but a t-shirt he definitely borrowed from Jared. Jared smirked, thinking to himself that his friend looked very cute, before wandering downstairs. 

Jared made some coffee and headed outside. He leant against the tree behind Jensen and watched as he pulled the tennis ball out of the dog's slobbery grasp. Jared snorted. "Hey," Jensen said, throwing the ball again. "Are you okay?" 

"Yeah," replied Jared. "Why wouldn't I be?" Jensen shrugged. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Tired?" Jared asked. Jensen chuckled. 

"A little," he said. "Your friend here seemed agitated he didn't get his morning walkies so he decided to start yapping wildly. I thought it'd be best to let him get some fresh air." 

"Thanks," Jared said, sipping his coffee. "I appreciate it." Jensen smiled. 

"'S nothing," he shrugged. "You sleep well?" Jared nodded shortly. "How that dog didn't wake you up, I'll never know," Jensen muttered. Jared chuckled. 

"I sleep like the dead," Jared said. "He normally licks me to get my attention." 

"He must have had other plans today," chuckled Jensen. 

"He must have sensed you were in the house," laughed Jared. Jensen nodded and snorted. "Is that my shirt?" Jared asked, already knowing the answer. 

"What? Oh, yeah," Jensen shrugged. He didn't seem uncomfortable or embarrassed by this. "Mine's covered in sweat and... other things, so I stole this from your washing machine. You can't complain, cos I leant you shorts last time you slept in my trailer." 

"Alright, alright," said Jared, rolling his eyes but smiling nonetheless. Jensen laughed. "You want breakfast?" Jared asked. 

"Do you want to go and get pastries again?" Jensen questioned. "We can take the boy out then, wear him out a bit." 

"Do you really want to go out in public wearing a shirt two sizes too big for you?" Jared asked. "People might start talking." 

"Saying what?" sniggered Jensen. "That I don't know how to dress myself." 

"That maybe you're stealing your boyfriends clothes," shrugged Jared. 

"If someone asks, I'll tell them I used to be super fat," replied Jensen. Jared scowled. Jensen stuck his tongue out at him. "Think I could borrow a jacket as well?" he asked. 

"Sure," sighed Jared. "But make sure you wash it." Jensen nodded. 

~~~

Their next night shoot was Thursday night. Jared had remembered to ask his neighbour to go round to feed his dog at eight o'clock and was more relaxed this time. He and Jensen sat on the golf cart again, waiting for the rain to stop so they could resume shooting. Jared smiled to himself as Jensen spoke. He wasn't really paying attention, but Jensen had that look in his eye that he always had when he spoke about something he was passionate about, which Jared found adorable. "You good, Jay?" Jensen asked. 

"W-What?" Jared questioned.

"You were staring at me, all spacey again," Jensen said gruffly." 

"Just admiring your good looks, pretty boy," said Jared. Jensen rolled his eyes. "Sorry, lost in thought," Jared sighed. 

"Am I that boring?" Jensen asked. Jared shrugged. 

~~~ 

When they finished shooting, Jared and Jensen retreated to their respective trailers. Jared changed out of his costume, which he laid on his couch, and jumped into his shower. The water was always cold in the evenings, so he didn't shower for long, but he needed to remove the sweat from his back. Once he had finished, he quickly dried himself with a towel and threw on the grey v-neck and sweats that he kept in his trailer before padding outside. 

Jared returned his costume to the costume department and put his earphones in as he wandered back towards the end of the lot. He couldn't hear his own footsteps as he walked past the other trailers. He noticed that there was a light on in Jensen's trailer, so he shuffled to the right and knocked the door. He heard some sort of grunt from Jensen, so he pushed open the door. He pushed open a second door to the living room and smiled. However, Jared did not find Jensen packing his things as he expected, but laying on the couch, thrusting his hips up in the air and down onto the nude toy under him. Jared slammed the door shut and groaned. He pulled out his earphones and forced them back into the pocket of his sweats with his phone and sighed. Jensen's groaning stopped and Jared sighed. He wanted to flee, rush out of the trailer and hide, but he also wanted to talk to Jensen. Sighing, he knocked the door. "O-One second," Jensen rasped out. Jared ignored him and opened the door anyway. "J-Jay," stammered Jensen. He was naked, covered in beads of sweat. In one hand he clutched a pair of red underpants and in one hand he held his toy. Jared dropped his gaze to his feet. 

"What-what does it feel like?" he questioned. 

"Huh?" Jensen asked. 

"What does, you know, _that_ feel like?" Jared questioned. 

"The toy?" Jensen inquired. He ran a hand through his hair. "Pretty much like the real thing."

"What-what does the r-real thing feel l-like?" stuttered Jared. 

"Good," murmured Jensen. "Y-You feel, like, full you know and when it pushes against the right spot it feels amazing. I-It's better with a person, though, more intimate." Jared nodded. 

"Show me?" he whispered. Jensen glanced at him; his shoulders were slumped and his eyes were still on the floor. He took a step forward and ran a hand through Jared's hair. 

"You sure?" he asked. Jared nodded. Jensen shrugged and placed the toy between the two cushions of the sofa, slowly, he lowered himself onto it and gripped his own cock. Jared watched as he shakily began to move, pumping up and down as he did. 

"Does it feel good?" Jared asked. Jensen nodded, unable to formulate any words in a response. "It hitting the right spot?" Jared asked. Jensen nodded again. He grunted. Jared inhaled sharply and strode to the couch. He sat beside Jensen and batted his hand away so he could slowly pump his cock himself. Jensen thought his pace was painstakingly slow, but he didn't complain as Jared kissed the back of his neck and rubbed his thumb over the head of his dick. "So good, Jense," Jared murmured. "You're so good." Jensen positively beamed at him. "Amazing," whispered Jared. Jensen groaned as he spilled all over Jared's hand. He slumped back, his body lax, and his head rolled onto Jared's shoulder. "Come on, Jense," Jared murmured. "You'd better clean up." Jensen groaned. 

Jared helped Jensen clean up before they left his trailer. They called a cab to the lot and waited at the gates for it to turn up. Jensen still looked worn out and rested his forehead on Jared's shoulder as they waited. "'M hungry," he moaned. 

"Me too," muttered Jared. "Do you want to get an early breakfast tomorrow?" 

"Will you wake me?" yawned Jensen. "I doubt I'll be up." Jared nodded and ran a hand through Jensen's hair. 

"Has anyone ever told you how cute you look when you're tired?" Jared whispered. Jensen chuckled.

"Can't say they have," he replied. "You're pretty sweet yourself, Jay-Jay." Jared laughed. He slightly pushed Jensen away but wrapped his arm around his shoulders as the cab neared. Jensen drew himself to his full height and led the way into the vehicle with Jared happily trailing behind, definitely not staring at his ass. 


	12. Experimentation

**Chapter Twelve**

Jared awoke to the smell of his dog in his face. Usually he didn't allow him upstairs, but he was too hungry to care. He led the dog back downstairs and filled his bowl of water for him. Jared took a banana out of the fruit bowl on the counter and peeled it as his dog lapped up the water. "You're a good boy," Jared said, petting the dog's head. The dog yapped. Jared strode back upstairs to change into his gym clothes and clipped on the lead to the dog's collar. "Come on, doggie," he said. The dog yapped happily. 

Jared was more tired than he usually was when he returned. He supposed this was because his body clock had been all over the place due to his tiring night shoots that he wasn't used to doing. Yawning, Jared ran a hand through his hair and padded upstairs to take a shower.

Once he had finished his shower, he heard his phone chime. He jumped onto his bed still in his towel as he glanced at his phone. He had two email notifications, but he decided he'd look that them later. Jared leant against his pillow and scrolled through his instagram feed. Jared raised an eyebrow as a picture of Jensen in his early twenties came onto the screen. He was shirtless with a cowboy hat on his head and he was smirking. Jared felt his blood rush to his groin and sighed. He clicked on the account and spotted another picture of a young, shirtless Jensen looking a lot like a twink sitting on a wall. Jared threw his phone onto his bed and exhaled softly. He unwrapped his towel and let his hand trail down his body to cup his balls. He moaned and began to tease his fingers down his shaft. He sighed and felt his eyes roll back as he teased a finger over his hole. Jared bit his lip and decided to be experimental. He sucked two of his fingers into his mouth before his index finger returned to pressing into his hole. He slowly thrust it into himself and used his other hand to pump his cock as he moved it further. 

Jared panted once he had finished. He wiped his hand in his towel and groaned. He never expected to enjoy that as much as he did and he especially did not expect to catch himself thinking of Jensen as he did it. He had thought of Jensen while jerking off before, but had always stopped himself after he had befriended the man, yet it seemed his mind hadn't cared that time. Jared sighed and began to collect together some clothes from his closet. 

Once Jared had cleaned up, he poured food into a bowl for his dog, snapped his watch onto his wrist and left the house.

~~~ 

Jensen was already awake when Jared arrived at his apartment. He knocked on the door and shuffled awkwardly from foot to foot, trying to put on a face that said 'I definitely didn't get myself off thinking about you' as he heard the door open. "Hey, Jay," Jensen said. "I thought you said we were going for an early breakfast? It's basically brunch now."

"Oh, I-I got caught up with... stuff," replied Jared. Jensen raised an eyebrow. 

"You okay, man?" Jensen asked. Jared nodded. "Okay, well, where do you want to go?" 

"Do you want to go to the pastry place by the park again?" Jared asked. 

"Sure," shrugged Jensen. He closed the door and ushered Jared downstairs, placing a hand on the small of his back. 

Jared found himself being very conscious to all of the touches Jensen gave him. He didn't know if it was because Jensen wasn't usually a physically affectionate sort of person or because he found himself thinking about Jensen more than usual lately. He was conscious of Jensen's arm pressed against his as they walked and Jensen's foot pressed against his as they sat down. "Do you know what you want?" Jensen asked him. 

"Uh... I'll just take a regular Danish and a flat, white coffee," replied Jared. 

"How boring," chuckled Jensen, before he left the table and walked to the counter. Jared noticed the pair of women sat at the front obviously checking out Jensen's ass and frowned. He knew it was irrational to be annoyed as the women did not know his friend and even if they were interested in him, Jensen wasn't interested in them, but Jared couldn't control it; he was naturally possessive of his friend. 

When Jensen returned, he sat opposite Jared and lightly rubbed his foot against Jared's lower leg. Jared pretended not to notice and sipped his coffee slowly. Jensen gulped down his own and began to eat his apple Danish. Jared felt his knee hit his a few times, but didn't react. "Can I kip at yours tonight?" Jensen asked, finally breaking the silence. Jared raised an eyebrow.

"Sure," he said slowly. 

"Thanks," Jensen sighed. 

"Can I ask why or is that rude?" Jared questioned, before biting into his pastry. Jensen snorted. 

"Your place is closer to set than mine," he shrugged. "I've been shattered after every night shoot we've done this week." 

"You're not as young as you used to be," joked Jared. Jensen scowled. Jared stuck his tongue out at him. 

"And yet I'm still more youthful looking than you," retorted Jensen. Jared scoffed. 

"You wish," he said. 

"Have you got plans for after this?" Jensen asked. Jared shook his head. "Cool," Jensen said. "Do you want to go to the gym or something?" 

"I don't know, I've already been running this morning," Jared said. As much as he would have liked to, he knew that seeing Jensen in shorts drenched in sweat would not be the best for him in public. Jensen nodded. 

"That's okay, some other time when we're less tired?" he sighed. Jared nodded. "Do you want to come to mine and watch TV then?" Jensen asked. 

"I should probably head back, the dog, you know," Jared said. "But we can go to yours first and get your stuff if you want." Jensen cocked his head. 

"Huh?" he questioned. 

"You're sleeping over, right?" Jared said. "Don't you need a toothbrush and a change of clothes?" 

"Yeah, yeah," Jensen said quickly. "Good point." 

"Cool, let's go," Jared said, picking up what was left of his pastry. Jensen shrugged and followed him out of the shop. 


	13. Irritation

**Chapter Thirteen**

Jared came to the conclusion that Jensen was definitely more physical with him than he had been a week ago. During their lunch break, Jensen leant against him and when he wrapped his arm around Jared's shoulders he rubbed his knuckles against Jared's exposed neck. When they left set, Jensen would walk close enough to Jared that their arms would rub against each other and when they would watch the game at Jared's house, he seemed to insist upon hitting his knee against Jared's or placing his hand on Jared's knee. Jared found this to be annoying as he longed for Jensen's touch, but Jensen probably didn't even know what he was doing. 

Jared made a conscious effort to avoid Jensen's touches for about a week. He sat a little further away from him than he had been at lunch and made excuses to go to the kitchen during the game so they were never on the couch together for too long. He'd always stop to look at his phone as they walked so he would be a few steps behind Jensen and he would raise an eyebrow when Jensen threw his arm over his shoulder. 

However, on Friday night the pair had been working for close to fourteen hours straight and Jared could see how stressed Jensen was. They hadn't had a lunch break, instead eating sandwiches between takes, as they needed to get the episode wrapped before they took a week off for Easter. Jensen was tired, even more so than Jared was, and under-caffeinated. As the cameraman waited for confirmation from the director's room before they could move on, Jensen huddled by himself at the back of the stage. Jared joined him and ruffled his hair. Jensen gave him a small smile for this, but Jared heard the soft groan when the cameraman announced that the AD wanted another take. 

Once they had wrapped, Jared accompanied Jensen to his trailer. Jensen threw his clothes aggressively to the floor and growled. Jared couldn't take it and pulled his friend into his arms, running a hand down his back. Jensen leaned into the embrace burying his head in Jared's neck and sighing. His own arms wrapped around Jared's waist and he sighed. Jared smiled down at him and ran a hand through his sweaty hair. "Do you want to take off and get some drinks?" he mumbled. Jensen nodded and muttered something inaudible into Jared's shirt.

Jared and Jensen padded to their usual bar and sat in the beer garden this time, as Jensen was still very tense. The only other person out there was a man stood by the gate smoking a cigarette. Jensen grinned as Jared drank his beer, the froth sticking above his upper lip. "What?" Jared asked. 

"You've got stuff-" Jensen indicated to his own top lip. Jared used the back of his sleeve to wipe it away.

"Good?" he asked. Jensen nodded. "You okay now?" Jared questioned. 

"I guess," sighed Jensen. "I'm very tired, so we shouldn't stay out for long." Jared nodded. He could feel Jensen's foot hitting his ankle under the table and sighed into his beer as he took another sip. "Have we ever been out here before?" Jensen asked, rubbing the back of his neck. 

"I don't think so," replied Jared. "Why?" 

"It's just weird," muttered Jensen. "We come here so often and always go to the same place." 

"I like the familiarity," shrugged Jared. "It's nice, y'know, being so far away from home and finding somewhere familiar." 

"I guess," sighed Jensen. He gulped down his beer. "Ready to go?" he asked. Jared sipped his beer.

"Not yet," said Jared. Jensen rolled his eyes. Jared gulped his beer down.

~~~

On Saturday night, Jared fed his dog, tugged on his coat and began to stride towards Jensen's apartment. He stuffed his hands in his pockets as he walked down the sidewalk. He thought that every time he walked to Jensen's, the walk felt longer and longer. He wished that Jensen lived closer to him, but he knew Jensen lived in an apartment owned by a friend of his, so he was unlikely to move.

When Jared arrived at Jensen's, the door was unlocked and Jensen was in the kitchen. "Hey," Jared said, striding towards him. Jensen grinned.

"I've got chili cooking," he said, turning off the tap. 

"Cool," Jared said. "Do you want me to get a movie on or something?"

"I've got James Bond set up on the planner," Jensen shrugged. "I'll do it now. Can you watch this?" Jared nodded. 

Jensen scooped the chili into two bowls and joined Jared in the living room. He handed Jared one of the bowls and smirked as Jared winced at the sudden heat. Jared rolled his eyes and rested the bowl on his knee.

Jared was still conscious of Jensen's little but persistent touches. As they ate, Jared felt as if Jensen was deliberately rubbing the knees together and once they had finished eating, Jensen's elbow seemed to be attached to Jared's side. Jared offered to take the bowls back to the kitchen, but Jensen declined and took them himself. Jared sighed against the cushion of the couch and rubbed the back of his neck. Jensen smirked when he sat beside him. "Your dimples are so cute," he noted. Jared cocked his head. 

"Oh, thanks," he mumbled. His cheeks flushed pink as Jensen turned down the volume of the TV. 

"Who's your favourite Bond?" Jensen asked. 

"I don't know," murmured Jared. "Connery, I guess." 

"Nice shout," shrugged Jensen. 

Once the film had finished, Jared stood up and stretched. Jensen turned the TV off and smiled at him. Jared rolled his eyes. "I should get going," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm about to fall asleep on my feet." Jensen chuckled. 

"It's only like ten, dude," he sniggered. 

"I can't control how tired I am," scoffed Jared. "Maybe you're just boring." 

"How dare you!" cried Jensen in mock offence. "I am the most interesting person you can ever hope to meet." Jared scoffed. 

"You wish," he said. 

"Why don't you stay here tonight?" Jensen asked. Jared raised an eyebrow.

"Are you sure?" he questioned.

"Why not? I kip at yours all the time," shrugged Jensen. 

"I-I don't have any sleep clothes," Jared told him. 

"You can borrow some I guess," said Jensen. "Trousers might be a bit short though, unless you want to sleep in your underpants." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. Jared rolled his eyes. 

Jensen gave Jared a baggy white t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts. The shorts were not something he would usually sleep in, but they were the only things Jensen had that would fit him. The t-shirt was not as baggy on Jared's muscled chest as it was on Jensen, but he didn't complain. At about midnight he changed in the bathroom and shuffled into Jensen's guest room. He yawned and flopped onto the bed. 

~~~ 

Jensen was already awake when Jared trailed into the kitchen. He was not expecting this as Jensen was not a morning person, but he did not complain as Jensen handed him a mug of coffee. "You're up early," noted Jared, running a hand through his slightly greasy hair. Jensen chuckled. 

"Yeah, one of my neighbours came round asking if I wanted to buy brownies," sighed Jensen. "I doubt there was just chocolate in them, so I declined." Jared sniggered. 

"Do you want to go for breakfast?" he asked. 

"I was gonna make bacon and eggs," replied Jensen. "Do you want some?"

"Yeah, sure," sighed Jared. He sat at the counter and began to sip his coffee. 

Jensen sat beside Jared on the couch as they ate their breakfasts. Their knees were pressed up against one another and Jared was practically going insane. He wasn't even sure if Jensen realised it, but it was irking him. "Hey," Jared grunted as Jensen sat beside him. He had taken his empty plate to the kitchen and returned with a mug of coffee.

"Hey?" Jensen said questioningly. Yet again, his knee hit Jared's and his hand grazed over Jared's thigh.

"Do you think you could stop with all the... the touching me?" Jared sighed uncomfortably.

"Wh-what?" Jensen questioned.

"I know, alright, I know I'm the one who goes in for the bear hugs and ruffles your hair but-but the knee touching and thigh grabbing and hand knocking it-it's too much, Jense, okay," Jared spluttered out. Jensen raised an eyebrow. 

"Sorry?" he said quizzically. "I don't really know what the problem is here."

"Look, Jense, you know I like you, right?" sighed Jared. "And-and it's kinda _really fucking annoying_ that whenever I spend time with you, y'know, my _friend_ , you're always just in my space. Please, just, stop." 

"Look, I'm sorry," flared Jensen. "I wasn't trying to be fucking annoying, I just wanted to- i don't know, reassure you." 

"Reassure me?" scoffed Jared, raising an eyebrow. He could feel himself growing angry now, which is not what he had intended, but when Jensen smirked at him he coiled his hands into fists. 

"Yeah, well, we never really spoke about anything after the whole your dick being in me thing," shrugged Jensen. "And I'm not the best with serious conversations, so I thought 'hey, Jared's an affectionate guy; the best way to reassure him we're still cool will probably be to just reassure him I don't mind being in his presence and that I'm not repulsed or anything'. Sorry it irritated you that much." 

"I appreciate the effort," sighed Jared. "But next time, just don't. It-it kinda feels like you were teasing me, y'know. I mean, you _know_ I'm into you and it's not like anything's happening so I-"

"I _never_ made any sort of comment about you being attracted to me," snapped Jensen. "Never. You brought it up. You're always the one bringing it up." 

"What's your point?" groaned Jared.

"I'm just saying, if I kept telling you I was ashamed of being gay, but every other day I started a conversation about my gayness, it would probably be pretty uncomfortable in that moment for you," flared Jensen. "I mean, if you agree you might look homophobic, but if you countered me it would be as if you were claiming to know my brain better than I did. It's an impossible situation to be in. Not to mention, I'm sure you, my best friend, would hate listening to me document reasons why I hate myself." 

"Yeah, that would be pretty shit," mumbled Jared. 

"Now imagine if the reason why I hated myself was technically because of you," murmured Jensen. "And all the time you had to hear about how shit it made my life and how uncomfortable our friendship was now." 

"I-I don't blame you," Jared rasped out. 

"I know," sighed Jensen. "But-but it's fucking unfair that you keep telling me how bloody awful it is for you being attracted to me but then keep talking about it. I'm cool with just moving on and ignoring it, but everything I do leads back to you getting your rocks off thinking about me when you were nineteen and it's pretty _fucking annoying_ to use your words." Jared rolled his eyes. 

"What do you want me to do, Jensen?" he spat. "I can't just forget that you know. I also can't forget about it cos it's constantly nagging at my brain whenever I see you. All I asked was for you to stay out of my fucking personal space and now you're trying to claim I try to guilt trip you for existing." 

"It kinda feels like you are, Jay," snapped Jensen. "It's not my fucking fault you find me attractive. Sorry I'm too awkward to talk about shit." 

"I-I- That's not at all what I meant," snarled Jared. "And you know it. You fucking know I'd never try to blame you, I just tried to honestly explain to my best friend who knows probably way too much about me why I'm uncomfortable about certain things." He growled. "You know what, Ackles, I'm gonna go. I have dogs to walk and shit." 

"Alright, go," spat Jensen. "Run away like you always do." Jared rolled his eyes and left. 


	14. Prolongation

**Chapter Fourteen**

Jared recomposed himself almost immediately after he returned home. He could not understand why Jensen had reacted the way he had, but he was no longer mad at his friend. Jared contemplated calling him, but supposed that Jensen would probably still be angry with him for their argument, so he decided not to. 

~~~ 

Never before had Jared gone a day without filming a scene with Jensen. He had had days when they'd spent the afternoon apart or a few hours or so, but never a full day, let alone two. However, on both Monday and Tuesday, Jared found himself working with one of the guest stars and a baby. Jared didn't mind, it was nice to work with someone new, but it was tiresome as the baby was very unpredictable. 

Jared tried to speak to Jensen at lunch, but he wasn't near the catering table when he got there and nowhere near his trailer. Jared shook his head. Jensen knew where he'd be if he wanted to talk, so he wasn't going to go hunting the man down.

~~~ 

Jared finally saw Jensen on Wednesday afternoon. He hadn't had to work in the morning as his scenes were almost complete, but there had been scheduling errors with two of Jensen's, so he had headed to work at normal time. Jared spotted him chatting to two of the kids in his scene at lunch but did not approach. He nodded at him as they approached the stage, but did not have time to talk. 

After they called it a day, Jared plodded to his trailer. He waved at Jensen, who nodded back at him, and changed. He decided he'd shower at home as he wasn't as sweaty as he usually was, and returned his costume to the costume department. As he turned to leave, he spotted Jensen wander in. He was not clad in an old t-shirt and loose sweats as he usually was, but dressed in a smart, blue shirt and tight, black jeans. He had kept the gel in his hair and he had a golden watch on his wrist. "Hey," Jared said. 

"Oh, um... hey," Jensen murmured. "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," Jared sighed. Jensen shuffled past him to hand his clothes to one of the women and smiled at Jared. 

"Are we good now?" he asked.

"Yeah, yeah," Jared said quickly. "We're good. I-I dunno, I wasn't feeling good." 

"That's fine," shrugged Jensen. "So long as we're still buddies. I missed you, man." Jared raised an eyebrow as Jensen began to walk away.

"You could have called, y'know," he called after him. Jensen spun around. 

"Huh?" he questioned. 

"I mean, if you wanted to hang out, you could have called," shrugged Jared. 

"You said you wanted space," replied Jensen slowly. "I was annoying you because I was in your space, so I thought you'd let me know when you were okay with being around me again. You never called and I didn't want to impose." 

"Oh," was all Jared replied. 

"It's cool," shrugged Jensen. He started to walk away again. Jared shook his head and jogged to catch up with him. 

"Are you out somewhere nice tonight?" Jared asked. 

"Huh? Uh... yeah, yeah," Jensen said uncomfortably. 

"Are your folks in town?" Jared inquired, raising an eyebrow. 

"Oh, uh... no, no," Jensen replied awkwardly. "I-uh...I'm going on a date." 

"Oh," Jared said. 

"Y-Yeah," sighed Jensen. "I met this guy Sunday night and we've been texting so, y'know, we're going to go and get food. D-Do you think I look alright?" 

"Yeah, yeah you look fine," Jared mumbled, refusing to make eye contact. He could practically hear Jensen grin. 

"Oh, good," he said. "Well, I'd better be off. I'll see you tomorrow, man." Jared nodded and stood in place as he heard Jensen walk away. 

Jared shook his head as he marched into his trailer. He flopped onto his couch and groaned. He didn't understand why he had to be so conflicted by this; Jensen had the right to be happy, he knew that. Jensen was probably happy with this guy, especially considering there was no professional complications, and Jared was the one harbouring feelings for him, but he couldn't help but feel sick to his stomach when he thought of Jensen kissing someone else. He wanted to punch the mystery-man in the teeth when he thought of someone else putting their hands on Jensen, but he also knew he had no power to stop Jensen being around whoever he wanted. Jared growled into the cushion of the couch. 


	15. Reconciliation

**Chapter Fifteen**

Jared went out to the local bar with some of the crew Friday evening after they wrapped. They were going to be taking a two week break for Easter, so they were celebrating. Jared stood awkwardly in the corner, sipping his beer and not engaging in a conversation with anyone unless they explicitly asked him a question. He listened to Kim gush to Eric about Jared and Jensen's performance in their last take of the day, but Jared wished he didn't as he then got caught up thinking of Jensen and his mystery man in some coffee shop somewhere in Vancouver, which was Jensen's excuse to why he wasn't celebrating with them.

Jared wasn't drunk when he left, but he was pleasantly buzzed. One of his neighbours had walked the dog for him while he was out, so the dog was tired when Jared returned home. He let him curl up on the foot of his bed as Jared changed into his baggy sleep clothes and slid under the comforter. 

~~~ 

Jared took his dog for a walk around the park the following morning, before padding back to his house and making himself some bacon and eggs for breakfast. He sipped some water and poured a bowl for his dog, before he turned on the radio he had on the shelf over his fridge. He turned on his coffee maker and tapped his foot along with the beat of the song playing on the radio.

Jared bought himself a cheap sandwich in a nearby supermarket for lunch and enough ingredients to make chili for dinner. He filled his dog's bowl with kibble when he returned from the shop and bit into his BLT. 

~~~ 

Jared was proud of his cooking skills. He was not always the best, but his mother had taught him chili, chicken and soups. He also had mediocre barbecuing skills from his brother's teachings. Jared turned up the radio as he turned his onions with his spatula. He took a sip from the beer bottle he had on the counter beside him when he heard a knock on the door. Groaning, Jared turned down the temperature of his stove as there was a louder knock on the door. He rolled his eyes and plodded towards the door. 

Jared did not know who he expected to see at his door, but it was not a red faced Jensen. Jared raised an eyebrow at him. "Hi," Jensen said, smiling. Jared nodded. "Can I come in?" Jensen asked. Jared nodded and held the door further open so Jensen could shift past him. "What're you cooking?" Jensen asked. 

"Chili," replied Jared. "Do you want some? I could probably squeeze two portions out of it." Jensen shrugged. "Are you okay?" Jared asked. Jensen shrugged wordlessly.

"How're you?" he asked quietly. 

"Hungry," chuckled Jared. Jensen rolled his eyes.

Jensen seemed to be relaxed as they ate their chili in front of Jared's TV, but Jared couldn't help but wonder why he was at his house. He was dressed in a pair of tight, black jeans and a white polo, so he appeared to be dressed as if he was supposed to be heading out somewhere, and not sitting on Jared's worn couch. He was less red in the face than he was when he arrived, but even as he laughed, he didn't sound as he usually did. Jared didn't mention it and took their now empty bowls to the kitchen. "Got any beer?" Jensen called from the living room. "I'd kill for one right now."

"That won't be necessary," Jared replied, equally as loudly. "I'll give you one anyway." He heard Jensen snort.

"That's alright then," Jensen said as Jared entered the living room with two bottles of beer. "Atta boy," Jensen said as he gulped down half of his. Jared rolled his eyes. "Where's the boy?" Jensen asked, looking around.

"He's in the garden," shrugged Jared. "He'll pad back in at some point, he always does." 

Jared only drank one or two beers that evening, but Jensen had at least a six pack to himself. Jared was surprised that he even had that much beer in his house as he couldn't remember buying beer for about two weeks, but Jensen managed to find some bottles at the back of the fridge. When Jensen finished what was possibly the last bottle of beer in Jared's house, he switched off the TV. Jared clambered off the couch to fill his dog's bowl with water, so Jensen dived onto it, his nose pressed against the cushion comically. "Are you staying the night?" Jared called over his shoulder. 

"Uh... yeah, yeah, please," Jensen replied, turning around so he was staring at the ceiling. 

"I'll get you some more comfortable clothes now," Jared told him, patting his dog's head. 

"Thanks Jarebear," yawned Jensen. "Love ya." Jared rolled his eyes and strode upstairs to his room. 

Jared returned shortly after with a loose, green t-shirt and a pair of grey sweats. He handed them to Jensen, who sat up and smiled at him. "You're a nice Jarebear," he muttered, patting the couch beside him. Jared sat beside him. "What would I do without you?" yawned Jensen. Jared smiled softly to himself.

"Have you been out golfing recently?" Jared asked. 

"Huh?" Jensen muttered. "Uh... no, not for a while. Why?" 

"The polo looks like the one you wore last time we went," shrugged Jared. Jensen stared down at his shirt.

"Oh, yeah, I guess all my white polos look similar," he said. "Different badges though. No, no golf for me today." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Wish I had been out golfing, though, would have been more fun." 

"What did you do today, then, that was so dismal?" Jared questioned. Jensen groaned. 

"I tried to go out for dinner with Conner," replied Jensen, scowling. Jared raised an eyebrow.

"Tried?" he repeated.

"Yeah, the man refused to eat until he interrogated me," groaned Jensen. 

"What happened?" inquired Jared. Jensen sighed and shook his head. Jared shrugged. "I'm going to bed," he announced, standing up. Jensen nodded. However, as Jared plodded to the staircase, he heard Jensen speak.

"Hey, Jay-Jay, do you ever wish you were straight?" Jensen mumbled. Jared froze. "Like, do you ever look at your life and think about how much easier it would be if you could just be attracted to girls?" 

"Um... well, I _am_ attracted to girls," said Jared. "I-I just like guys too, y'know." Jensen sighed.

"I forgot," he mumbled. Jared turned around to face him and flashed him a comforting smile.

"D-Do you think about it a lot?" Jared asked. Jensen shrugged wordlessly. Jared nodded and began to walk away again.

"Why were you mad at me?" Jensen asked. Jared turned around and sighed.

"What do you mean?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"You fucked me and then you started getting pissed cos I touched your knee," said Jensen. "Like, what the fuck dude?"

"I already told you, Jensen, it felt like you were teasing me," groaned Jared.

"I know, I know," Jensen muttered. "That's what you _say_ , but it makes no sense. Why would you be pissed I was 'teasing' you if we'd already fucked? Clearly you were in the clear at that point, right?"

"You wanted a hook-up, you got it," shrugged Jared.

"You were the one treating it like a hook-up," retorted Jensen. "Even before you got inside me you were acting as if we were doing something wrong, it's crazy, dude. Like, do you think I'd let you fuck me if I didn't want you to?" 

"Obviously I know you're not letting just anyone go home with you," murmured Jared. "But, y'know, I was so used to trying to hide that side of me from you, it became natural, so you touching me evoked some reaction." 

"You're weird, Jarebear," Jensen mumbled. "Like, you act as if I'm this awful straight guy who used his best friend for a hook-up to mock his unrequited crush, yet the second you came suddenly there has to be some sort of wall between us. 'S stupid. To think, I'd've done it again, too, if you hadn't been a prick." 

"You wanted to-to hook up again?" Jared asked.

"Sure," shrugged Jensen. "You're a nice guy and we had a good time, good agreement, too, since I never worried about bringing you home or any of the usual hook-up worries. Hell, I felt kinda domesticated waking in your bed, but then you got all dicky on me." Jared slowly took a step closer to Jensen, who was staring at the floor. Jared strode until he was in front of the couch.

"Do you _still_ want to hook up again?" he asked. 

"I dunno, Jarebear," sighed Jensen. "You're a nice guy and all tha', but I don't need you to go giving me the cold shoulder if I hold your hand after." 

"I won't," Jared said solemnly. Jensen stood up and kissed him.

Before Jared could register what was happening, he and Jensen were shirtless. Somehow, he had ended up back on the couch with Jensen straddling his thighs. He noticed two dark bruises on Jensen's arm, but didn't question them. Instead, he broke the kiss and began to run his hand down Jensen's back. "Are you okay?" Jensen whispered. Jared nodded. Jensen clambered off his lap and flopped onto the couch beside him. His hands went instantly to Jared's belt and he swiftly removed it. Jared tried to reach to unbutton Jensen's jeans, but Jensen batted his hand away and slid to his knees. "Everything okay?" he asked quietly. Jared nodded. Jensen pulled down Jared's trousers and removed his shoes. Jensen stared up at Jared as if he expected him to protest, but Jared smiled at him. Slowly, Jensen began to rub Jared's hardening cock through his boxers. "Still okay?" he asked. Jared nodded.

Jared watched as Jensen rid himself of his shoes, socks, jeans and boxers, before he dropped himself onto the couch beside Jared again. "Having second thoughts?" Jensen questioned. Jared shook his head certainly. Jensen kissed him. It was slow, almost too slow, but Jared allowed himself to relax into the kiss and chase Jensen's tongue with his own. 

"Want you," Jared murmured.

"I want you too," Jensen whispered.

"No, listen," Jared sighed. "I-I want you to-to top this time." Jensen shook his head.

"I'd love to take you up on that offer, Jarebear," he said quietly and huskily. "But I am way too drunk for that and I may finish before I enter you. You stay on top for now." 

"For now?" Jared repeated, waggling his eyebrows. Jensen chuckled.

"Yep," he replied, finally removing Jared's boxers. Jared grinned at him.

Jared slid into Jensen after Jensen had slowly opened himself and Jensen moaned. He grasped onto Jared's shoulders as Jared thrust into his heat. Jensen babbled inaudible, incomprehensible sounds into the cushions of the couch as Jared rocked slowly into him, before shifting out again. He forced his hips down, hitting all the nerves at once, and Jensen closed his eyes as he finished all over Jared's couch. Jared pulled out, possibly too quickly as Jensen winced, and licked his own hand before jerking his still hard cock over Jensen. Jensen groaned as Jared finished over his thighs. "Now 'm dirty," moaned Jensen.

"You go clean you, I'll clean the couch," chuckled Jared. Jensen nodded and forced himself to his feet. Jared kissed the back of his head before he had the chance to walk away and Jensen chuckled.


	16. Communication

**Chapter Sixteen**

Jared awoke not to the sound of his dog barking as he had expected, but to almost silence aside from the faint buzz of the TV downstairs. Yawning, Jared sat up and rubbed his eyes. He didn't bother to glance at the clock before he threw on an old t-shirt and shorts and padded downstairs. Jensen was sat on the sofa, dressed in the t-shirt and sweatpants Jared had given him, feeding the dog some bacon. "Hey there, sleeping beauty," Jensen almost grunted. Jared chuckled. 

"You sound lively this morning," he said, smirking. Jensen rolled his eyes.

"I get it, I look, sound and feel like shit," he sighed, shaking his head. Jared chuckled.

"I didn't want to be too blunt but, well, yeah," he said. Jensen rolled his eyes again.

"What happened to being a morning person, huh, buddy?" he asked. "I had to take the poor dog for laps around your garden." Jared smiled.

"Thanks," he muttered. "He's an energetic guy, usually so am I but I guess I was tired." Jensen sniggered. 

"I used the last of your eggs, by the way," he said. "You might need to go shopping soon." 

"Noted," sighed Jared, sitting on the couch beside Jensen. Jensen smiled at him before he turned his attention back to the golf on the TV. The dog padded over Jensen's sock-clad feet and sad beside Jared. Jared smirked and patted his head. 

"I thought we were friends, buddy," Jensen murmured, frowning. Jared chuckled.

"Looks like his love can't be bought with bacon," he laughed. Jensen frowned. 

"How come you're all fine and dandy?" he asked. "I feel like I just got run over by a bus." 

"I dunno if you drank before you got here, but you drank more than me," shrugged Jared. 

"I only had beer before I got to yours," yawned Jensen. He ran a hand through his hair and attempted to pet the dog's tail, but he coiled it around his own legs. Jensen pouted. 

"What was up, anyway?" Jared asked. "You seemed distressed and drunk." Jensen laughed. 

"I-I dunno, man," Jensen groaned. "I went out expecting to have a good time, but apparently that's too much to ask." 

"You went for a dinner date, right?" Jared questioned. 

"Yeah," sighed Jensen. "Or at least, we tried to. Didn't end up happening though." 

"Why not," Jared asked, slightly shifting closer to Jensen. Jensen smirked and bumped his knee against Jared's. Jared's first instinct was to slide away, but as he felt Jensen's eyes on him, he wrung his hands together and stayed in place.

"Conner," Jensen muttered. "The guy I was with decided that he didn't trust me."

"Why?" Jared asked, frowning. 

"I don't know," sighed Jensen. "I met him in a bar, right, so we didn't know anything about each other going into the relationship, which was new for me, but I liked talking to him and-and it was a nice change of pace, y'know, everything about him was so different to everything I knew. The guy, he-he has a very different sense of humour to me, he never played sports in high school, never even went to a football game. He told me he grew up with a single father and an older brother. He was from Winnipeg and had only ever been to America once in his life, which to me is insane, although, to be fair, I only came to Canada for work." He yawned. "That's another thing," Jensen continued. "I didn't meet him through work, either, so I got to hear about his life as a nurse and all the cute kids who came in for check ups and such. I learnt some stuff, too, about the Canadian health care system compared to ours; I prefer their's."

"Me too," murmured Jared. "Who wouldn't?" 

"I-I got to hear about his friends who were teachers and firemen and it-it was a strange contrast to my life," continued Jensen. "I mean, even though I only really started acting when I was eighteen my father was an actor, so I've known casting agents and models and people like that my entire life. It was interesting to listen to him talk about his pet bird and his room-mate. Also, Conner's been openly gay since he was fourteen, which I could never fathom. He- he was so confident in himself, as well. He was flirtatious and loud and-and I wasn't." 

"You're not confident?" Jared questioned.

"I'm confident in who I am," shrugged Jensen. "Not saying I _like_ it, but I'm confident in it. I've never had issues with how I look or sound or anything like that but, well, PDA is not my thing. Don't get me wrong, if you do it subtly enough, I'm game, put hand-holding and kissing in restaurants is not my sort of thing; never has been, never will. Conner-Conner didn't like that." 

"So he doesn't trust you because you didn't want to kiss him in public?" Jared asked slowly. Jensen sighed.

"Kinda," he muttered. "I-I guess he just couldn't understand why I was so bothered by it. I tried to explain that it wasn't just that it made me uncomfortable- although that was a factor- but I was worried people would take pictures of us and ruin my career. He-he didn't accept that. He thought I was too ashamed of him and I sounded arrogant in thinking that news stations and whatnot would care about my sexuality. Maybe he's right, maybe he's wrong, either way I've seen people's careers destroyed by that sort of exposure and I don't want to tempt fate." 

"He kinda sounds like a dick," whispered Jared. Jensen snorted.

"He wasn't that bad," he said. "I kinda get it, y'know. He's been open for almost half his life and here he is with a guy he's been messaging for four days refusing to even hold his hand in public cos he thinks people are taking photos of them. I understand it would make him feel like I was ashamed and I get that he isn't in the business, so he wouldn't get why it'd worry me so much, but-but I just didn't like the way he went about telling me he disagreed, y'know, he tried to make it look like I was deliberately trying to put him down because of internalized homophobia and I just had to sit in the curry house and listen to this abuse." 

"Why'd you go on a second date, then?" Jared questioned.

"When he wasn't trying to kiss me or hold my hand, it was great," Jensen sighed. "We spoke about horses and our families and what food we liked. We both want to travel to Dubai and both of our grandmothers have an obsession with baking pies. Everything seemed to be going smoothly until we left." Jensen stopped talking and began to pet the dog, who had sat himself on Jared's foot. Slowly, Jared dropped his hand to Jensen's knee and gripped it comfortingly. Jensen smiled at him. "I-I'm fine," he muttered. "I-I'm just trying to say this as non-biased and as analytical as possible, y'know. I'm not trying to paint him to be a dick or some bastard, but-but I don't like him." 

"Yeah." Jared murmured. "Yeah, I get that." Jensen smiled at him.

"I wanted to go home," he sighed. "I was tired after working and, well, while we were paying he made a few suggestive comments about stuff because the waiter handed him the check and not me. I wasn't against meeting him again, but I was ready to go home, shower and pass out. He-he seemed to think that I was being unfair." 

"Why?" Jared asked. "Sounds reasonable." 

"He was under the impression that me saying I didn't want to kiss him in the restaurant was an invitation for him to kiss me afterwards," Jensen sighed. "This was not the case. He argued I should go home with him and let him make me coffee and we could watch TV and I declined. I told him I didn't dislike him and I was more than happy to see him again, but I really needed to sleep otherwise I would be too tired to drive home or I'd oversleep and be late for work." Jensen snorted.

"What?" Jared asked.

"It's funny," Jensen said. "Because that was one of the examples he used to show I couldn't be trusted and I'm using it as an example to show he was unfair." Jared frowned. "He didn't believe me," Jensen added darkly. "He thought I was running off to meet someone else or I had something to hide. He demanded we meet the following afternoon and I agreed, looking forward to a free coffee." 

"Did he tell you he didn't believe you?" Jared asked.

"Not at the time," sighed Jensen. "He told me yesterday, while growling at me. He-he's a strange one. I dunno." 

"Why did you meet him on Thursday?" Jared questioned. 

"Because I liked him," shrugged Jensen. "I thought maybe he wasn't used to dating someone who was still closeted for the most part and maybe he'd had a bad day, so I went to the coffee shop just outside Vancouver after work on Thursday to see him. We met about half an hour before his shift, so we didn't have long, we just drank our coffee and spoke about pets we'd like to have, annoying neighbours and possible third dates. It was nice, plain, simple, until he offered to show me around the hospital. I-I told him I thought that was entirely inappropriate and that I wouldn't be welcome there and that I'd probably distract him from doing his job. He reluctantly agreed. He then started asking me about my job and how far away it was and I answered all of his questions politely, until he asked to visit set. I told him it was a bad idea as we were there for hours with little breaks and there'd be little for him to do." 

"Sounds reasonable," said Jared. Jensen shrugged.

"I also told him that I wasn't out to most people at work," Jensen continued. "So if for whatever reason he did visit me at work, I wouldn't be telling people he was my boyfriend. He kinda got angry at this but, maybe because of how little time he had before work or maybe because he'd decided just to accept it, he dropped it soon after as I made it clear I had no plans to come out at work any time soon. So, he left and went to work and I went home. He messaged me that night and that's when we really started arguing." 

"What happened?" Jared questioned. Jensen let out a laboured exhale. "You-you don't _have_ to tell me," Jared spluttered. "But, y'know, if you want to..."

"It's fine," sighed Jensen. "I know I haven't really answered your original question yet, but I-I don't want to give the wrong impression of the guy, y'know, I know how you're like and how pissed you get with people who piss off your friends and I-I don't mean to do that." Jared nodded wordlessly. "I-I just suppose I don't know where it went wrong," muttered Jensen. "We were talking about his bird again and about his brother. Then we spoke about my brother and my sister and how my brother was like really cool with me coming out and everything. Conner asked if I missed my family, I told him obviously I did but I wasn't as homesick as I used to be, and we talked about colleagues. He asked if I was close to my colleagues and I said I was with a few. I told him I had a party to go to the following evening and he told me he'd booked for us to go to a restaurant for food. I told him that was sweet and all, but I already had plans. He got mad. He said he thought I was seeing someone behind his back, which I wasn't, and said I took my job too seriously and shouldn't prioritize it over our relationship, so I agreed to meet him instead of going out with the crew." 

"We missed you," Jared whispered. 

"I missed you too," Jensen sighed. "Friday wasn't half as fun as Conner had hoped it would be as I had at least forty people text me asking why I wasn't there. He got mad I refused to tell them I was on a date, but I didn't need to tell them that; I didn't know how some of those people had my number. In the end I turned my phone off, but he was still mad with me. The conversation turned stale after that. To appease him, I agreed to let him come to my place to watch Game of Thrones. I wasn't happy about it, but his room-mate had someone over and I knew I'd look like even more of a dick than he already thought I was if I said no, and I'd pretty much already given up on going to the party, so I agreed. We spoke a little about sports and hobbies, but he wasn't really interested in the football games my dad takes me to for my birthday, he just wanted to talk about how close his apartment was to the hockey rink and how annoying the supporters were." 

"Cheery guy," muttered Jared. Jensen snorted. 

"The cheeriest," he chuckled. "Such a people person." 

"Clearly," laughed Jared. Jensen smiled at him.

"Fortunately, he left before things got too awkward, but he told me he'd come and pick me up for our next date at my building," he sighed. "I told him I didn't want that because I didn't want my neighbours to speculate who he was. This isn't me being arrogant, this is me plainly telling him there are some very nosy people on my floor who often debate people's marital status and I don't need to be a part of that. Conner didn't like that, he insisted. I declined. Eventually, he relented and we agreed to meet at the restaurant, so, yesterday afternoon I plodded to the bar we had originally met in and waited outside for him. He was late, but I didn't mention it, and we went in. The bartender obviously recognised me and we began to talk, but Conner didn't like that. We had a few drinks and went outside to Conner's car as he wanted to drive me to the restaurant. There, he told me he thought I should have told the bartender he was my boyfriend and introduce us. I told him I wasn't friends with the bartender and that we were just making polite conversation as he knew I supported the cowboys so we were discussing football. Conner didn't believe me. He then questioned how the bartender knew where I worked and I told him many members of the cast and crew went to the bar. Conner then asked why I wasn't out at work, I told him I had already explained that I was worried someone would expose me and I'd lose my job and risk never being hired again." 

"This guy sounds like a stand-up guy," Jared murmured. 

"Doesn't he?" chuckled Jensen. "He-he was so fucking annoying, man, the questions kept coming; who do you live with? Are you sure you live alone? Do you have a beard? Why won't you show me your phone? Who's this? Who's that? Why won't you hold my hand? Why do you care so much about work? Is money more important to you than me? Is your parents' opinion more important than mine? Where did you go after our first date? Why do you take so long to reply to my messages? Why don't you tell people we're dating? It was relentless. I eventually told him to shut up and just get in the car. He got pissed as he had booked the meal so I should be more respectful, apparently. I groaned at that. He did not like it." 

"Sounds awkward," Jared said. Jensen nodded.

"One of the usual bartenders, Steph or something like that, saw us arguing outside and asked if everything was okay. Conner told her plain and simple to fuck off and she got annoyed, hell _I_ got annoyed, however, I told her I could deal with him, so she left. We got into the car and sat in silence, not moving for almost two full minutes, before he took out his phone. He started taking pictures of me and I was asking him why and he said he wanted to post them to Facebook. I objected, not wanting this guy I had known for literally six days to post my face all over his page and he got more pissed. He asked more questions; why are you ashamed of me? Why can't I tell my family? What do you mean we're not serious? Eventually I gave up and got out of the car. He accused me of using him and being a dick, and I left. I went home and flopped onto my couch and just stared at the ceiling angrily." 

"Why'd you decide to come here?" Jared asked. "Not that I'm mad, just curious." Jensen shrugged.

"A few reasons, really," sighed Jensen. "I didn't want to be alone as I just wanted to break something, so I started walking and thought you lived nearby. You were one of the few people who knew I'd been seeing someone so I could tell you why I was pissed even if I didn't give you all the details and you like the same beer I do and it's cheaper here than at the bar." Jared rolled his eyes. 

"Have you heard back from him?" Jared asked. 

"Yeah, he texted me this morning," muttered Jensen. "He says he doesn't regret acting suspicious and he still isn't certain he trusts me, but he'd like to see me again. I told him as politely as possible that I didn't think we were going to work." 

"I'm guessing he didn't like that," chuckled Jared.

"Oh no," said Jensen. "He accused me of having a beard and whatever and I told him that I don't hate him but clearly he isn't the type of guy meant to date someone who's still mostly in the closet. He agreed with that. Then an hour later he sent me more messages questioning pretty much everything I told him and I blocked his number. I can't be arsed for all that." 

"Sorry it didn't work out," mumbled Jared, moving his hand from Jensen's knee and letting his arm drape around his friend's shoulders. "You seemed so happy on Wednesday." Jensen nodded.

"Thanks man," Jensen said gruffly. "But, y'know, boyfriends are a hassle." 

"I wouldn't know," shrugged Jared. "I've never had a boyfriend before." Jensen raised an eyebrow at him. 

"Really?" he asked. Jared nodded. 

~~~ 

Jared planned on making himself a peanut butter and honey sandwich for dinner. He had already fed his dog and had placed the bread on a plate. He was reaching into the cupboard for the peanut butter when he heard a knock on the door. Sighing, Jared dropped his knife and made sure not to step on the dog's tail and he plodded to the front door. Jared pulled it open to reveal Jensen standing in a denim jacket, holding a bouquet of assorted flowers. Jared raised an eyebrow at him. "Would you like to go on-on a date with me?" Jensen asked, thrusting the flowers into Jared's chest. Jared chuckled. Jensen raised an eyebrow and pouted. 

"Do you want to come inside?" Jared questioned. 

"Wasn't the answer I was hoping for, but, sure," shrugged Jensen and he followed Jared through to the kitchen. "Good boy," he muttered, stroking the dog who approached him. Jared resumed collecting the peanut butter and honey from his cupboard. "So?" Jensen asked, drawing himself to his full height and thrusting the flowers towards Jared again. "Do you want to get dinner tomorrow night?" Jared sighed.

"What's brought this on?" he asked. 

"I've been thinking," said Jensen. "You said you've never had a boyfriend before and I can't help thinking about that, I mean, _why_? You're funny and smart and you're nice to people and you're a happy guy most of the time so, why wouldn't anyone want to go out with you? Then I thought that if I was spending so much time thinking about it, maybe I wasn't just being sympathetic towards you and that I wanted to date you myself, so here I am."

"Did you pick those flowers yourself too?" Jared chuckled.

"No, I got them from a store," Jensen murmured. "But if that's a deal-breaker I'll go pick you some flowers now." Jared chuckled. "The woman at the counter was clearly surprised I was buying flowers, y'know," said Jensen. "She asked if I was buying them for 'someone special'."

"Aw," said Jared chuckling. Jensen rolled his eyes.

"So I lied and told her they were for my mother," he said. 

"I take back my 'aw'," muttered Jared. Jensen chuckled.

"So, what's it gonna be, Jay?" he asked, shuffling nervously. "You-you want to go out with me?" Jared sighed. "That's not the answer I was hoping for," Jensen mumbled, shaking his head.

"You know I love you, Jense," Jared said slowly.

"I sense a 'but' coming," Jensen murmured. He dropped his arms so his flowers were drooping to the floor. 

"But," Jared said nodding. "You got out of a relationship literally yesterday and I can't help but feeling like I'm kinda the rebound here." 

"You're not," Jensen said quickly. "This isn't because I'm lonely or something, I-I just want to go out with you." 

"I'm not saying I don't believe you," Jared said. "But I don't think this is the right time for us to get together." 

"Why?" Jensen questioned softly.

"If I were to start a relationship with you, I'd want it to mean something," Jared said. Jensen scowled. "I'm not saying you don't," Jared added. "But if I were to start dating you I'd want a serious relationship or there wouldn't really be a point. Earlier you said boyfriends are too much of a hassle and I think you probably need to wait a bit to get over your relationship with Conner before starting a new one. I don't want you to think about how you acted around him when you go out with me, and I can guarantee that will happen if we go out now." 

"You're not a rebound," Jensen murmured. "It's just the timing isn't great, I guess." Jared shrugged.

"When the timing's right, we'll work it out," he said.

"Do-do you regret last night, then?" Jensen asked awkwardly.

"No," Jared said. "I don't. But, I don't want it to happen again. Not any time soon, any way." Jensen nodded. "Do you want a sandwich?" Jared asked.

"Nah, I'm alright," Jensen muttered. "I'm going to go and hug the boy now." Jared chuckled and nodded as Jensen padded into the living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was so much dialogue but Jensen needed to vent. :D


	17. Relaxation

**Chapter Seventeen**

Neither Jared nor Jensen headed back to Texas for their Easter break. Jared's parents had gone with his brother to visit his fiancee and her parents while his sister stayed at college with her friends so she could attend a party. Jensen's parents had come down with the flu and had warned Jensen and his brother not to come down to visit. His sister, who had plans with her boyfriend just outside Dallas, had invited both brothers down to visit them, but both had declined. Jared did not push Jensen on why he didn't want to attend as he knew that his relationship with his sister was not one to be envied. 

Jensen spent his Easter weekend on Jared's couch. Jared playfully bought him a chocolate egg filled with caramel buttons, so Jensen had bought him a chocolate reindeer in return. Jared didn't mind, but he still let out a phrase of mock offence when Jensen handed it to him.

~~~ 

Jared wanted the second week of their break to go as slowly as possible so he could avoid having to get up early in the morning again. It seemed that even his dog had grown used to waking at ten, which was the way Jensen always wanted his life to be. "Do you want to go out for brunch?" Jensen asked him one morning. He was wearing a loose, black jumper and a pair of khaki shorts. Jared frowned.

"How did you get into my house?" he asked him. Jensen rolled his eyes.

"That's what you focus on?" he scoffed. "Your door was unlocked. Anyway, brunch?" 

"Where do you want to go?" Jared questioned, rubbing the back of his neck. 

"Want to go back to that Danish place we went to before?" shrugged Jensen.

"Sure," replied Jared. "Are we bringing the boy?" 

"Yeah, of course," Jensen said. "I love my fluffy buddy." 

"He's not your buddy," chuckled Jared. "He's my fluffy buddy." 

"Don't get jealous, Jay-Jay," laughed Jensen. "He can have two friends." Jared shrugged. 

Similar to the previous time, Jensen bought them their pastries and coffees and took them outside, so they could eat them with the dog. "I feel bad for him," said Jensen. "He doesn't have anything to eat." 

"He'll eat when we get back, don't worry," shrugged Jared. Jensen rolled his eyes and bit into his apple Danish. Jared rubbed the dog's head and sipped his coffee. "Good boy," murmured Jared to the dog, who stuck his tongue out. 

"Don't listen to him," Jensen said. "He's trying to win your affection." Jared rolled his eyes. He pretended to ignore Jensen when the man put his hand on his knee, but he raised an eyebrow at him as Jensen stroked down the arm holding his Danish pastry.

"Why?" Jared questioned. 

"Why what?" Jensen asked innocently. 

"Why is your hand on my wrist?" Jared asked quietly. 

"Oh, uh... I didn't realise," Jensen said sheepishly, withdrawing his hand quickly. Jared rolled his eyes. Jensen smiled at him, but did pressed his knee against Jared's.

"Are you turning into one of those touch-starved cats?" Jared asked him. Jensen snorted.

"Can you just ignore it?" Jensen questioned. 

"Alright," sighed Jared. "But, don't make a habit out of it. You know what people will say." Jensen nodded shortly. 

~~~ 

On the last day of their break, Jared was sat on his couch sipping diet soda when there was a knock on his door. Jared rolled his eyes, knowing full well that it would be Jensen, and placed his soda on his coffee table. Groaning, Jared padded to the door and opened it. "Hey," he said to Jensen. Jensen beamed at him. He was dressed in a brown leather jacket Jared hadn't seen before and holding a box of chocolates. "You okay?" Jared asked him. Jensen nodded. 

"So, uh... I was thinking, do-do you want to go see a movie after work tomorrow?" Jensen asked sheepishly. 

"Are you sure?" Jared asked, raising an eyebrow. "We're always shattered after work." Jensen shrugged and offered him the chocolates.

"Please?" he questioned. Jared sighed. He realised what Jensen was asking.

"Jensen, I don't think that's a good idea," he said.

"Why not?" pouted Jensen.

"It normally takes us a few days to get back into the swing of things and we'll just be too grouchy to enjoy each other's company," Jared said not unkindly. Jensen nodded. "Do you want a coffee or something?" Jared asked.

"I'm okay," Jensen said sadly. "I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" Jared nodded and waved as Jensen turned around.


	18. Concentration

**Chapter Eighteen**

Jared woke at five o'clock the following morning and jogged around the block with his over-enthusiastic dog. Jared didn't understand why he was so energetic as he had taken him for a walk everyday for the past two weeks, yet he was acting as if he hadn't been outside for months. Jared had to jog to keep up with him and once they had returned home, the dog was instantly ready to run again and rushed around his garden. 

Jared showered and cooked himself some eggs on toast for breakfast. He sat on his couch with his dog while he watched the news. A girl was in the news for killing her grandparents, which was disturbing for Jared, and the cop who arrested the teenager was being interviewed appeared to be very uncomfortable. Jared turned the channel over to soccer highlights and rubbed the back of his neck. He felt his dog licking at his arm and shook his head as he ate his breakfast.

Jared was still changing into his regular clothes when he heard the honking of the car outside that had arrived to pick him up. Jared groaned and quickly buckled up his jeans before rushing outside, without a jacket. He patted his dog goodbye and strode out of the house. Jensen waved at him from the back of the car as he clambered in. "Morning, Jay," Jensen said, not looking at Jared. Jared smiled.

"Morning, Jense," Jared said. "How're you?" 

"Tired," shrugged Jensen. "What about you?" 

"Also tired," chuckled Jared. Jensen smirked. 

~~~ 

Jared had forgotten how tiring working for six hours was. He felt as if he was about to fall asleep on his feet by lunch time and just sat at his regular bench without even picking up lunch. "No sandwich today?" Jensen asked him.

"Too tired," yawned Jared. Jensen tutted.

"Get a sandwich or a burger or something," he said pointedly. Jared sighed.

"I'll have a big dinner later," he said.

"No, no, no," Jensen snapped. "You know that you're not going to do that, you'll have some oreos and go to sleep. Go and get a sandwich." 

"You don't have a sandwich," murmured Jared grumpily.

"I have chili," shrugged Jensen, showing him the red basket. Jared rolled his eyes.

"Will you get me the sandwich?" he asked. Jensen nodded. He plodded away from Jared as Jared shrugged off the thick coat he had to wear. Jared yawned as Jensen returned with a small, red basket that contained a greasy burger. "Thank you," Jared mumbled Jensen smiled at him and used a plastic fork to eat his chili. "How are you not tired?" Jared asked.

"I am," shrugged Jensen. "I just do it better than you." He winked. Jared rolled his eyes. "I'm going to get some coffee, would you like some?" Jensen asked.

"Sure," sighed Jared. "But I need some milk, none of that pure black shit you drink." Jensen snorted and nodded.

~~~ 

Jared was happy to be working with Jensen again after lunch. He liked the guest stars of the episode, but he preferred working with Jensen. However, he found that as Jensen was reciting his lines, instead of packing up the books as he was supposed to, his eyes were glued to Jensen's lips. "Cut," Kim called. Jared bit his lip. "Jared, are you okay?" he asked. "You missed your cue twice now." Jared nodded.

"Yeah, sorry," he said. "I don't know what happened." 

"Do you need to see a script?" Kim asked.

"No, no, I'm fine," Jared said quickly.

"Alright," said Kim. He nodded at Jensen and returned to his seat as Jensen crossed the set to stand beside Jared.

"Are you okay, man?" he asked.

"Yeah, yeah," Jared said. "I'm just having trouble concentrating." 

"Anything I can do?" Jensen asked. 

"I doubt it," muttered Jared. 

"Alright, well, do you want me to tap your foot or something when you need to speak?" Jensen questioned. Jared shook his head, feeling like a six year old in a school play, and smiled reassuringly at Jensen. 

"I'm okay," he muttered. Jensen nodded. 

Jared got through his own lines and finished the scene almost clinically and waited with Jensen for the guest stars to come out of wardrobe. Jensen smiled at him and rubbed the back of his neck. Jared bit his bottom lip and turned his eyes from Jensen, who was now glancing at his phone.

Jared forced himself to keep his eyes on the gun he was holding as he spoke, refusing to look at Jensen until he explicitly had to address 'Dean'. Jared almost let out a sigh of relief when he heard 'CUT' shouted for the final time, indicating the end of the day, but, instead, Jared rubbed the back of his neck and smiled at the guest star. Jensen approached him and smiled as many of the crew began packing away and leaving the stage. "Are you okay?" Jensen asked. Jared nodded.

"I'm fine," he replied.

"Okay," Jensen muttered, narrowing his eyes as if he didn't believe him. Jared flashed him a faint smile and led the way off the stage. Jensen rolled his eyes.

Jared changed quicker than he usually did and took his costume back to the wardrobe department. Surprisingly, Jensen was already there, dressed in a tight, white t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. "Hey," Jared said, refusing to look up from his feet as he handed over the coat and boots. 

"Hey, man," Jensen said. He ran a hand through his hair and smirked. Jared shook his head, Jensen held the door open for Jared to leave and he rolled his eyes at him. He knew that Jensen knew what he was doing by wearing that shirt, and he didn't appreciate it. 

"Do you want to come to mine and stuff our faces?" Jensen asked him as he strode towards his trailer. "I have those sour candies you like." Jared opened the door to his trailer and sighed. 

"I'd love to," he said. 

"Great," Jensen said grinning.

"But," Jared said quickly, watching Jensen's face fall. "I need to get home and feed the boy." 

"Oh, okay," he said. "Tomorrow?" 

"Sure," Jared said. "I can get one of my neighbour's to feed him for me." Jensen nodded.


	19. Rationalisation

**Chapter Nineteen**

Jared decided that he was no longer friends with the wardrobe department as it seemed with every episode they gave Jensen tighter jeans that showed off his ass. Jared found himself finding as many reasons as he could to not have to sit or walk behind Jensen. Fortunately, he spent most of the next week sat in the Impala, but in other scenes he made sure to stand beside Jensen or sit at the front of the bed so when they moved he didn't need to walk behind him.

By the end of the week, Jared had come to the conclusion that Jensen must be working with the wardrobe department against him as not only did he not comment on how tight his jeans were that exaggerated the bow-leggedness of his walk, but when they weren't filming he'd wear tight shirts that showed off his biceps and had swapped his sweatpants for black jeans. Jared tried to ignore it when he went out for drinks with him on Friday night, but he couldn't say he appreciated it. 

Jared decided he had to draw the line somewhere, and that was Saturday afternoon.

Jared had been at the park, throwing a Frisbee for his dog when he received a call from Jensen. "Hullo," Jared said, petting his dog's head as he returned with the toy. 

"Hello," Jensen said. "Do you want to come over for some drinks." 

"Didn't we go out last night?" Jared questioned. "Considering how much you drank, you should be hungover by now." 

"The trick is to take the pain pills before you go to bed so you wake up without a headache," Jensen replied. "And besides, it's Saturday. Come on man."

"Sorry, Jense," Jared said. "I'm with the boy at the park. Maybe another time." Jensen dramatically groaned and hung up. Jared knew he had disappointed his friend, but he was not prepared to see any more of Jensen in a pair of tight jeans that left nothing to the imagination bulge-wise.

Jared had expected Jensen to be a little pissy with him come Monday morning, or even call him an hour later to attempt to convince him again to go out, what he didn't expect was for Jensen to job to the park entirely shirtless in running shorts, smirking at whatever guy would look at him. Jared rolled his eyes as his friend approached. "Hey, you're still here," Jensen said. Jared rolled his eyes. "I thought you'd be gone by now." Jared scoffed.

"Sure you did," he said.

"What's your problem?" Jensen asked.

"What do you think, Jensen?" Jared sighed. "What could you have possibly done that I would find annoying?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Jensen innocently. 

"Sure you don't," growled Jared, rolling his eyes. Jensen chuckled. 

~~~ 

Jared decided to cook chili for dinner again. He stirred the mince around the pan while his dog barked at the door. Jared raised an eyebrow, not expecting anyone to arrive, so he was unsure what the dog would be barking at. He turned down the heat and strode into the hallway, where the dog was still yapping. "Calm down, boy," Jared said, before he pulled the door open. Standing on the step, muttering to himself was Jensen. He was wearing yet another pair of tight jeans, a grey t-shirt and a denim jacket. He was holding a bottle of champagne and a box of licorice. "Hello," Jared said. Jensen's eyes snapped up to meet his.

"H-Hey," he muttered. "I-I didn't knock."

"The boy must have heard you," shrugged Jared. "He's been going crazy for the last two minutes." Jensen chuckled. "Are you okay?" Jared asked.

"Oh, yeah," Jensen said. "H-How're you?"

"Good, I think," Jared replied. "Can I help you with something?" Jensen nodded shortly. 

"Do you want to go for dinner tomorrow evening?" he asked, offering him the licorice. 

"I-I don't know," Jared murmured. 

"Why not?" Jensen asked, his eyebrows burrowed in confusion.

"I-I don't know if it's the right time," Jared mumbled.

"When will we know if it's the right time?" Jensen questioned. Jared shrugged. "Why wait, then?" Jensen asked. "You don't know what you're waiting for, _I_ certainly don't know what you're waiting for and I know you like me; you've been ogling at my ass all week." Jared blushed and looked at the floor. "Don't worry, clearly I like you too," Jensen chuckled. "But surely it's better to ogle each other together openly than worry about things being awkward, right?"

"And what if it ends badly and we ruin everything?" Jared asked.

"We'll cross that bridge if we get to it," shrugged Jensen. "But I doubt we will."

"And how do you come to that conclusion?" Jared asked.

"What do you mean?" questioned Jensen.

"How can you be sure we're not about to ruin almost three years of friendship and our working relationship?" Jared asked. "We work together, we already know each other's families, at lot is at stake here." 

"Yeah, I know," said Jensen gruffly. "But why are you thinking about all of that; I'm not?"

"Well, why not?" puffed Jared.

"Even if we're not romantically compatible, it doesn't mean we're going to ruin our entire lives," shrugged Jensen. "Besides, think about how fun it would be if we are romantically compatible. All of what you just said would be a bonus, right? And, come on, man, do you seriously want to continue to dance around this forever? I like you, you like me, let's try and make something out of this. I get you wanting to prove you're not a rebound but I'm explicitly telling you now that _you're not_ and I understand wanting to wait, but waiting too long may be just as much of a mistake as rushing into it. You need to stop worrying, Jay."

"You're right," sighed Jared. "If this does work, everything seems so perfect, but-but what if it's not? If it's not perfect, what do we do? We can't really have that much space as we see each other literally every day and if we argue we could ruin our chemistry on screen. Wh-what if you have to kiss a guest star and I get jealous? What if I need to kiss a guest star?"

"I'm not asking for perfect," said Jensen. "I'm asking for you to give this-me-us a shot. If you want space, I'll give you space. If we argue, I'm not going to let it ruin our professional relationship, I'm an adult. If I have to be a guest star it will be in front of a camera crew so it won't be sexy and it will be a woman so I won't be into it, and if you need to kiss a guest star if will be with forty people watching so I doubt you'll be turned on by it either. If I don't want to watch, I'll go chat to Todd or someone."

"I-I just don't think it's the right time," muttered Jared. "We're nearing hiatus as it is so-so things are gonna get more stressful at work and, y'know -"

"I'm not going to wait for you forever, Jay," Jensen said softly. "I-I care about you man, I do, but if we wait too long we'll just build up expectations and worries and our relationship won't be organic and- and _nice_." 

"What sort of expectations do you have for your boyfriends, Jense?" Jared asked. "Is there a quota I need to fill?" Jensen chuckled.

"I don't want to be the dick who forces you into this," he said seriously. "But we can't keep dancing around this. I-I'll book a table at the golf club for nine on Monday; that should give us time to change after work before meeting up. If you don't want to come, fine, but don't expect me to try again." Jared nodded.

"Alright," he replied shakily. 

"I won't be a prick if you don't show," Jensen said softly. "But-but I need to know where I stand with you, man." 

"What do you mean?" Jared asked.

"Well," Jensen sighed. "I'm aware that the human brain is a very confusing thing and that sometimes, fantasies are just fantasies. You may like my ass and think you want a relationship with me, but it might be this weird part of your brain that finds me hot talking and I dunno how to deal with that. I know you're physically attracted to me, but while _I've_ done my best to prove to you that I want a serious, romantic relationship and that I think we're emotionally compatible, you've just told me it doesn't feel right yet, so I need to know if I'm just - just the real life equivalent of that kid you stare at in maths class cos they're cute but you'd never actually talk to, or if this is something to you too." 

"I've never thought of that before," murmured Jared. 

"Well, think about it," shrugged Jensen. "I'll see you at work, Jay." Jared nodded.

~~~ 

Jensen was perfectly normal on Monday. He and the wardrobe department had returned Dean to his style of baggy jeans and he wore a black jacket over his t-shirt so he was no longer showing off his arms. He sat beside Jared at lunch and they spoke about the episode, the new director and how Jensen's parents were planning on buying a new puppy. Jared ate his burger and listened to Jensen talk about the types of puppy his father was looking at and reveled in how comfortable he felt just sitting there, talking to him. Jensen offered him a fry as he sipped his water. "How did you get your boy?" Jensen asked, eating his fries. 

"I just went to the local shelter and looked around," shrugged Jared. 

"Did you go alone?" Jensen asked him.

"No, my mother went with me," Jared replied. "If I'd gone by myself I probably would have chosen the first one I saw."

"How did you choose the boy in the end?" Jensen asked. "Good pick, by the way." Jared chuckled.

"I don't know," he replied. "My mother liked big, fluffy dogs and we were told he would grow into that and he was a cute little guy, he just sat quietly in the corner and stared up at everyone who wandered by. He was affectionate though and would lick you to death from the moment he met you." 

"He is a nice dog," Jensen said, biting into his beef and mustard sandwich. 

Jared finished the day on a high as he and Jensen finished a scene in much less takes than the producer had anticipated, so they were able to leave before seven. Yawning, he strode to his trailer with Jensen trailing behind him. "Hey, Jay," Jensen said. Jared spun around to look at him. "Good work on that take, man," Jensen said. "I forgot that line." 

"I noticed," chuckled Jared. "You played it off well though." Jensen laughed.

"Thanks," he said. 

~~~ 

When Jared got home, he was immediately attacked by his dog when he walked through the front door. He patted the dog and forced him off of his knees. The dog skidded into the kitchen and Jared filled his bowl with water. Jared headed to the shower and sighed. 

Jared spent almost an hour sat on his couch trying to debate whether or not he should go to meet Jensen. "What do you think, boy?" he asked the dog who was sat at his feet. "I mean, I know I like Jensen and I want to spend time with him and hold his hand, but _he_ doesn't like affection. I don't want to rush things and risk our entire relationship." The dog cocked his head at him. "What if we're not supposed to date," sighed Jared. "What if we're just perfect as friends and we think we should be more? But I like him, y'know, and I _want_ to date him. Do you think he'll secretly hate me if I don't turn up? I don't want to disappoint him. What if he hasn't actually booked a table? What if I turn up and he's not there because he doesn't expect me to go?" He let out a shaky exhale. "I should go anyway, shouldn't I?" he muttered. "There's no point just thinking about it." He stood up and plodded upstairs. 


	20. Gratification

**Chapter Twenty**

Jared dressed in a polo shirt and a pair of black jeans. He wore a green jacket over the white polo shirt and he made sure his black boots were clean. He poured food into a bowl for his dog, before he left the house. He was unsure how much he would be drinking, so he was unsure if he should drive, but the golf club was almost a mile away and he didn't want to walk, so he decided to take his car with him anyway, deciding that he could invite Jensen back for a drink later anyway.

Jared let out a sigh of relief when he saw Jensen's truck parked in parking lot. He still had a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that Jensen wouldn't actually turn up, so he was relieved to see his vehicle parked. Jared parked in the row behind him, but did not hurry out of his vehicle. He gripped his steering wheel and controlled his breathing. He was still nervous to meet Jensen. He was worried that Jensen had met someone else in the restaurant like he had met men at the bar and that Jared was no longer welcome, but he convinced himself that he could not disprove this if he didn't enter the restaurant.

Jensen was sat at a circular table beside the window. Jared could see three men on the golf course outside and was slightly surprised that Jensen wasn't with them. Jensen didn't seem to even notice the golf going on as his eyes were glued to his phone. He was wearing a blue t-shirt with a low collar and he was tapping his foot. Jared inhaled before he approached the table. 

Jared was worried that meeting Jensen would be awkward as he was unsure whether or not Jensen had expected him to arrive or not, but besides feeling awkward when he greeted him, that was not the case. Jensen smiled at him and began to tell him about his loud, obnoxious neighbour. "She can't be that bad," muttered Jared. Jensen shook his head.

"Have you been listening to anything I've been saying?" he asked, chuckling.

"Surely no human being can actually be that bad," Jared said. Jensen snorted.

"You're lucky you live in a house," he muttered. "Apartments are shit."

"Then buy a house," shrugged Jared. 

"I have a house," replied Jensen. "In LA. Why would I need to buy another?" 

"Then rent a house," Jared said.

"I get a pretty good deal with my buddy's apartment," shrugged Jensen. "Too bad I have rotten neighbours." 

"Do you miss LA?" Jared asked, realising that while they had talked about missing Texas and missing family, he didn't think he'd ever asked Jensen about his actual home. "When you're up here?" 

"I guess," muttered Jensen. "I don't really think about it. I like hanging out with you and some of the others and I'm too tired to be homesick." He sighed. "I miss my buddies, though," he added. "I miss them more than the house." He licked his lips. "Are you thirsty? I'm thirsty." 

Jared sipped his orange juice as Jensen poured his coke into the glass they gave him. He studied the menu as Jensen sighed. Jared felt Jensen's foot hit his ankle before immediately withdrawing it. Jared didn't know how to react, as he remembered Jensen telling him that he was uncomfortable with PDA, so he assumed it was an accident, so he sipped his orange juice again. He rubbed the back of his neck and glanced over at Jensen, whose eyes were on his watch. "Are you getting hungry?" he questioned. Jared nodded shortly. "Me too."

"Have you eaten here before?" Jared asked. "I don't think I've ever had more than a sandwich here before." 

"Yeah, I mean, I came a few times during the audition process but they've probably changed the menu by now," sighed Jensen.

"Can you recommend anything?" Jared asked.

"I'll always go for steak," shrugged Jensen. Jared rolled his eyes. 

Jared ordered a beer with his steak and fries, which he gulped quietly as he ate. He reached for the salt in the centre of the table and quickly retracted his hand as his knuckles hit Jensen's. He saw Jensen roll his eyes as he snatched the salt. "Here you go," Jensen said, handing it to Jared. Jared smiled.

"Thanks," he said. Jensen nodded at him. 

Once they had finished their meal, Jared slowly shuffled after Jensen out of the restaurant and to the parking lot. Jared was surprised that Jensen didn't stop to look at the golfers before marching to his truck. Wordlessly, Jared walked past his car to Jensen's vehicle and smiled at him. "Thanks for coming," Jensen muttered. 

"Did you not expect me to?" chuckled Jared nervously. Jensen shrugged.

"It's not that, no," he replied, shifting slightly. "I just wanted to say that I had a nice time, because I did. It was nice." 

"Yeah, it was," Jared said, feeling like a middle schooler as he flushed. Jensen smirked. He unlocked his truck and pulled a bottle of champagne and a blue teddy bear off the passenger's seat. 

"I- uh, I didn't want to be embarrassing and bring these in with us, but, well, here you go," he said awkwardly, pressing them to Jared's chest. Jared smiled at him and accepted the gifts. "Um... did you have a good time?" Jensen asked.

"Yeah," sighed Jared. "Yeah, I did, thanks." Jensen beamed at him as he awkwardly wrung his hands together. Jared smiled back and took a step closer to the other man. "Are you okay?" he asked, as Jensen shifted his weight from foot to foot. Jensen smiled.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," he said quickly. "Do-do you want to go out again tomorrow?" He dropped his gaze to Jared's knees. Jared nodded.

"Yeah, yeah, thank you," he said quickly. "I'd love to." Jensen glanced up at him and smiled. Jared reached out to grab his hand, but decided against it, letting his arms flail beside his hips. Jensen shook his head and gripped Jared's hand in his.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said, letting Jared's hand go. Jared nodded and waved before he padded to his own car.


	21. Substitution

**Chapter Twenty-One**

Jared was awoken to the sound of a car horn blaring outside the following morning. He groaned and jumped out of bed. He did not understand why he had overslept, but he did not dwell on it. Instead, he threw on some clean clothes, fed his dog and pulled open the door. Jensen was stood there, looking as if he was about to knock. "Oh, hello," Jensen said, grinning sheepishly. Jared followed Jensen's gaze to the v-neck of his black t-shirt and flushed. "You ready?" Jensen asked. Jared nodded and followed Jensen to the car at the top of the driveway.

Jared sat alone at lunch. He had seen Jensen talking to two of the guest stars and didn't want to interrupt him, so he sat alone and stared at his chili. He was halfway through his meal when Jensen sat beside him with a plate of cheesy fries. "Night shoot tomorrow," Jensen said gruffly. "I am not looking forward to it." Jared nodded in agreement.

"I wish the brothers would just do their body-burning in the day," he chuckled. "I understand they're trying to be discreet but it's messing up my sleep-schedule." Jensen laughed and dipped one of his fries into Jared's chili.

"I agree," he said. He ate another fry. "Do you want to come to mine after the shoot? We can order food or something." 

"Won't that cause your annoying neighbours to ask questions?" Jared questioned. 

"It'll probably be too late for them to see us," shrugged Jensen.

"I thought you said they're up until forever?" asked Jared.

"Yeah, the woman next door is always watching TV at about three," groaned Jensen. "It is not great if I need to go to work at seven." 

"Is she the same woman who thinks Maria has a secret trophy husband?" Jared asked. Jensen nodded.

"She also thinks I pay my friend in 'sexual favours' for the apartment," he said, rolling his eyes. Jared snorted. "I know, right," scoffed Jensen. 

"Does she spend a lot of time speculating?" Jared questioned.

"I think so," Jensen shrugged. "She seems to create fake lives for everyone on our floor." 

"It'll make a great sitcom one day," Jared said. Jensen laughed. "Hey, do you think I could play the guy who you owe the sexual favours to?" Jared asked. Jensen snorted and slapped his arm. "Only if you're playing you though," Jared added quickly. "If they get some look alike it won't be as fun." 

"I'm not going from regular TV to a porno written by my weird neighbour," Jensen laughed. His knee pressed against Jared and Jared let his hand drop his knee. Jensen raised an eyebrow at him and Jared quickly removed his hand.

"Sorry," he said quickly. "PDA, I forgot." Jensen shrugged.

"Don't take it personally," Jensen murmured quietly. "But I don't-don't want to do this at work." Jared nodded and stole one of Jensen's fries to dip into his chili. "Do you want to for dinner again on Saturday?" Jensen asked softly. Jared smiled. 

"Sure," Jared said, equally as quietly. "Do you-do you want me to plan this time or do you have an idea?"

"No, I have a plan already," Jensen said. Jared nodded.

After they wrapped for the day, Jared padded to his trailer to change. He was in his boxers, in the midst of throwing on his black t-shirt, when he heard a knock on the door. Jensen did not wait for him to respond before he barged in. "This is a sight," Jensen chuckled, smirking at Jared, who was bent over the couch, trying to pick up his jeans.

"Oh, hello," Jared said, flushing. Jensen smiled at him. Jared noticed that he had already changed and his costume was draped over his shoulder.

"As cute as your blushing is, it's just me," Jensen said, smirking. Jared rolled his eyes and decided to just clamber over his couch and tugged on his jeans. "You ready to go?" Jensen asked. Jared nodded. "Come on, then," Jensen said "Let's get rid of these." Jared collected his costume from the back of the couch and followed Jensen to the wardrobe department.

~~~ 

Jared was struggling to stay awake as the night shoot came to an end. He was too warm and drenched in his own sweat as he joined Jensen on the golf cart they had borrowed from another AD. He laughed as Jensen struggled to zip up his jacket. "Shut up," Jensen murmured. Jared sniggered more. "Shut it," groaned Jensen, finally able to zip it. 

"Alright, alright," Jared said, running a hand through his hair. 

"I don't think I've ever met someone as greasy as you," chuckled Jensen. Jared laughed.

"Yeah, I'm gonna need a six hour shower before I go," he sighed. "I feel like I've had a bucket of product shoved on my head." Jensen snorted. 

"Funny, because that's _exactly_ what you look like," he chuckled. Jared rolled his eyes. 

Jared watched Jensen finish the last take of the night, before he clambered out of the golf cart and crossed the field they were filming in to where Jensen's truck was parked. "Do you need to go back to see the boy?" Jensen asked as he unlocked the vehicle. Jared shook his head.

"One of my neighbours has gone to feed him," he replied. "He should be alright for the night." Jensen nodded. He opened Jared's door for him and wandered around the front of the truck to his own door. "Are we getting food?" Jared asked. Jensen nodded. 

"Local Thai food it is," he said. Jared nodded and fell into his seat as Jensen started the truck. "Do you need to get anything from your house?" Jensen questioned. "Like, pyjamas or something? You can borrow mine if you'd prefer." 

"I'll just borrow yours then," shrugged Jared. "'M so tired." Jensen nodded. 

"I noticed," he chuckled. 

Jared didn't eat much of the food that they ordered because he was so tired, but Jensen didn't seem to notice. They were both sat on Jensen's couch and Jensen had his arm loosely around Jared's shoulders. Jared tried to focus his attention on the TV in front of them, but he was so tired he felt his eyes drooping closed as he sat there. Jensen continued to eat, not paying attention to Jared very much.

Jared fell asleep with his face pressed in Jensen's neck. Jensen's grip on his shoulders was tighter now, more comforting, As Jared awoke, he felt Jensen's fingers smooth through his hair. He yawned and turned to move, but Jensen kept him in place. "S-Sorry," Jared slurred, trying to get up.

"Sorry for what?" Jensen chuckled, raising an eyebrow.

"Falling asleep on you," mumbled Jared, sitting up. Jensen shrugged and patted his head.

"It's fine," he said. "I'm basically a professional pillow; did't you know that?" Jared chuckled. "You ready to hit the hay?" Jensen asked him. "I doubt wardrobe want you to sleep in Sam's pants." Jared nodded and yawned.

"Fair point," he chuckled. Jensen ruffled his hair before he strode out of the room to his bedroom. Jared sipped his lemonade to stop himself from falling asleep again as he waited for Jensen to return. He was close to falling asleep when Jensen returned with a baggy jumper and a pair of shorts for Jared to wear. "Thanks," Jared muttered. Jensen nodded.

"I'm going to head to bed," he told him. "Just give me a shout if you need anything." Jared nodded. 

~~~ 

Jared grew bored of sitting in his house alone the following weekend. His dog was at the vet and the batteries in his TV remote were dead, so he had little to do. Jared felt his stomach grumble as he flopped onto his couch and groaned. Tiredly, Jared forced himself back to his feet and strode to his room to pick up his wallet, deciding to get himself some food outside the house. 

Jared bought himself a large pepperoni pizza and plodded towards Jensen's apartment, deciding that he did not want to eat alone. He marched upstairs and knocked on Jensen's door. When there was no reply, he tried to push it open and smirked as he walked into Jensen's kitchen. He cut the pizza into eight slices and placed four onto one plate and four onto another before he hunted out Jensen. The bathroom door was open, so he supposed Jensen was in his bedroom. Slowly, Jared pushed open the door to find Jensen passed out of his bed. His hair was stuck up awkwardly and he was naked from the waist down. His green t-shirt was drenched with sweat and his dildo was half hidden under a blue towel at the foot of the bed. Jared widened his eyes and left the room. 

Jared rushed to the kitchen and swept the pizza back into the box as he heard Jensen scramble out of bed. He marched into the kitchen, holding a torch as if it were a weapon, now wearing a pair of blue shorts. "Oh, hey," Jensen said, dropping his arm. "I thought you were a raccoon or something." Jared chuckled nervously.

"And your defence was a camping torch?" he asked. Jensen shrugged. 

"I like to think it would be of use," he chuckled. "Do I get some pizza?" 

"Do you want pizza?" Jared asked. "I-I'll leave if you want me to."

"No, no, stay," Jensen said quickly. Jared noticed that Jensen's cheeks were still flushed and he hadn't changed out of his sweaty shirt. Jared nodded and placed the pizza onto the plate again. He noticed Jensen staring at him quizzically and avoided eye contact. "Everything okay, Jay?" Jensen asked slowly. "You seem a little... uneasy." 

"I was just threatened by a sweaty man with a torch," Jared chuckled, but then immediately mentally kicked himself for bringing attention to Jensen's sweatiness. Jensen blushed dark red and shuffled awkwardly. Jared handed him his plate. 

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" Jensen questioned. Jared shook his head. "I'll go and change if you want," Jensen said.

"I-I don't mind," Jared said quickly, his eyes on his feet. 

"How-how long have you been here, anyway?" Jensen asked.

"I dunno, a couple of minutes," shrugged Jared. "I-I didn't think you'd mind; the door was open and-"

"No, no, it's fine," Jensen said quickly. "Of course I don't mind." Jared nodded and followed Jensen to the living room. Jared sat a little further away from Jensen than he usually would have done, which Jensen seemed to notice, as he held out his arm for Jared to lean into him. Rolling his eyes, Jared rested his head on his shoulder and smiled. "Do you want to watch a movie?" Jensen asked him. Jared nodded and began to eat his pizza. 

After they had finished their food, Jared took the plates back to the kitchen. Jensen strode past him to the his room, but he left the door open, so Jared could see the toy and towel on the bed. Jared put the pizza box in the bin and approached Jensen's bedroom, where he was shirtless, selecting a new t-shirt from his closet. "I'm gonna go," Jared told him. Jensen spun around. "Thanks for hanging out with me," Jared said. Jensen nodded.

"Thanks for the pizza," he said, throwing on a grey t-shirt. "Feel free to come round with free food whenever you want." Jared chuckled and nodded. He spun around and began to leave when he heard Jensen clear his throat. Jared raised an eyebrow and turned to face him again. Jensen was now sat on the foot of his bed and his blanket was now covering the towel. "I-I can explain," he said quickly. Jared cocked his head. "I-I-I," Jensen stammered. Jared strode towards him. 

"Are you okay?" he asked. "Did I do something wrong?" Jensen shook his head. Gingerly, Jared sat on the bed beside him and wrapped his arm around Jensen's shoulders. Jensen smiled at him. 

"I-I y'know, I didn't want to-to push you," Jensen murmured. "But I-I-I mean, you must get it, right? You have urges. It's pretty much the same thing as just getting off, y'know, so it-it isn't an issue, right?" Jared raised an eyebrow.

"What's an issue?" he questioned.

"Don't blame dumb," Jensen sighed. "You know why I was so sweaty, don't you?" Jared nodded stiffly. "I-is that going to be an issue for you?" Jensen asked. "Cos I dunno what to say if it is." 

"Why would it be an issue for me?" Jared questioned. "You can do whatever you like in your own home." 

"Yeah, but, y'know, we planned to be going out now and I don't want you to be turned off by this," Jensen said. "I-I'm still gonna be fun, don't worry." He winked, but Jared could tell that he was still nervous.

"I mean, we're not really 'going out'," he sighed. "We went for one meal." He chuckled but Jensen bowed his head, his expression crestfallen. "Not that I'm saying I'm opposed to another one," Jared said quickly. "I-I dunno, man, I don't know when to start saying we're exclusive or whatnot." Jensen chuckled.

"I'm up for being exclusive," Jensen said. Jared nodded. "Seriously though," Jensen said softly. "This doesn't bother you, right?" Jared shook his head. "I-It's not like a replacement for _you_ just, y'know, a replacement for my hand," Jensen said. "If you want to try anything, I'm up for it." Jared nodded and pressed his lips to Jensen's temple. Jensen smiled at him. "Want to get lunch tomorrow?" he asked. "My treat." 

"What happened to your plans?" Jared questioned.

"We'll get there eventually," shrugged Jensen. "Until then, sandwiches by the beach sound good?" 

"I mean, I _did_ just pay for the pizza, so I guess you owe me," Jared said in mock-seriousness. Jensen sniggered and nodded. "See you tomorrow then," Jared said. He lightly rubbed Jensen's cheek before getting up.


	22. Variation

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

Jared dressed in a green button up shirt and a pair of khaki pants for his date with Jensen on Sunday afternoon. He made sure his dog was fed before he collected his wallet and his keys from the fruit bowl on his counter top. He ran a hand through his slightly greasy hair and slid into his car. He had agreed to meet Jensen at his apartment, so they only had to take one vehicle down to the beach. Sighing, Jared turned on the radio and began to drive.

Jensen was leaning against his truck, his head nodding along to the beat of whatever he was listening to with his blue headphones when Jared arrived. He was wearing tight, black jeans and a grey t-shirt. Jared smiled at him and parked beside his truck. "Afternoon, stranger," Jensen called. Jared smiled. He clambered out of the car and leant towards Jensen, who put a hand on his chest. "I don't need the neighbours talking," he muttered. Jared nodded and hopped into Jensen's truck. "You look great," Jensen told him, starting the vehicle. Jared smiled.

"And you look.... good, really good," Jared said. Jensen chuckled.

"Thank you," he said. He leant behind him and pulled a box of chocolates out from behind his chair. "Th-these are for you," he said. Jared rolled his eyes but beamed at him. "Sorry, is it too cheesy?" Jensen questioned sheepishly.

"No, no," Jared sighed. "It's endearing, but you're making me feel bad; I haven't bought you anything."

"You don't have to," Jensen said quickly. 

"Neither do you," shrugged Jared.

"Yeah, but, I _want_ to," sighed Jensen. "I-I planned to take you out and I want you to have a good time and I want you to want to go out with me." 

"So you bribe me with chocolate?" chuckled Jared.

"I just wanted - I just- I'm not a conventionally romantic person, alright," muttered Jensen. "You've probably already noticed that. I don't like PDA and I'm not the type for a couple's massage or anything like that, but the small gestures like you see in sickeningly simple teen dramas, I can do that. So-so take that as you want but- but yeah."

"So, this is your way of proving you like me while avoiding serenading me?" questioned Jared.

"I guess," shrugged Jensen. "I-I'm socially conscious, okay, I don't want pictures of me taken and an expose article written on my sexuality, so I get that sometimes we might be out and it's confusing whether it's going out or hanging out so I try to set the mood how I can." Jared nodded.

"I appreciate it," Jared said. "But don't feel obliged to have to do that every time we go out; I like going out with you." Jensen beamed.

Overall, Jared had a good time at the beach with Jensen. He slightly regretted not wearing sun cream as the back of his neck was slightly pink by the time that they headed to the bar along the boardwalk. He wasn't overly hungry as he and Jensen had had ice creams on the rocks, but he was dehydrated. Jared sent Jensen to find them a table while he ordered their lemonades.

Jared found Jensen at a table in front of the window, talking to a man with messy, ginger hair. The man was in a green tank top that showed off his broad arms and was talking in a thick, English accent. Jensen was nodding along to whatever he was saying, his green eyes on the man's bright, blue eyes. However, as Jared approached, the man took one look at him and walked away. "Do you want me to get us menus?" Jared asked stiffly. Jensen shook his head. Jared sat opposite him as Jensen snatched the menu from the vacant table beside them. 

"Do you want to get a platter to share or do you want to get your own food," Jensen asked.

"I was just going to get wings or something," shrugged Jared.

"Alright, what if you do that and we can order fries to share?" Jensen suggested. Jared nodded and sipped his lemonade. 

When Jared returned from the bathroom after eating his meal, Jensen was by the bar, talking to the ginger haired man again. Jared sighed and sat down. He rolled his eyes as the ginger man leant past Jensen to get a straw, obviously flexing his biceps. Jensen murmured something to him as he handed the bartender some cash. The man smiled at Jensen as he strode back to Jared's table, where Jared was absent-mindedly playing with the salt shaker. "Ready to go?" Jensen asked. Jared nodded and followed him out of the bar, towards the beach. "That was good," Jensen said. "I don't usually go for chicken, but that was really good." Jared nodded. "How was your wings?" 

"Nice, yeah," Jared replied. 

"Are you ready to head back?" Jensen asked him. "Or do you want to wander the beach again?" 

"I'm ready to go," sighed Jared. Jensen nodded and lead him along the beach to the gravel, where the truck was parked. 

Jared opened his box of chocolate in the truck when they parked outside the apartment building Jensen lived in. Jared offered Jensen the box, but he decided he didn't want any. Jared popped two into his mouth and closed the box. Jensen rubbed the back of his neck and unbuckled his seat belt. "Would you like to come inside?" he asked. Jared raised an eyebrow. "You don't have to," Jensen added quickly. "But, y'know, if you want to come in and watch a movie, we can." Jared shrugged. 

"Sure," he said.

"Cool," Jensen said. "Come on then." 

Jensen had a bowl and a bag of popcorn on the coffee table in his living room and a selection of DVDs on top of the TV, so Jared assumed that he had planned to lead him to his apartment. Jared sat on the couch as Jensen opened the popcorn and poured it into the bowl. "Do you want another lemonade?" Jensen asked him. "Or would you like something stronger?" 

"Lemonade is good," Jared replied. Jensen nodded and strode to the kitchen as Jared took a handful of popcorn.

"Hey, leave that for the movie," Jensen said as he sat beside Jared. He handed Jared a can of lemonade as he opened his beer bottle. Jared rolled his eyes. Jensen rubbed the back of his neck and lightly rubbed Jared's thigh. Jared raised an eyebrow at him.

"Do you want to choose the movie?" Jensen asked him, removing his hand.

"No, you can," sighed Jared, his hand itching towards the popcorn bowl.

"Not yet," snapped Jensen. Jared huffed as Jared approached the pile of DVDs.

Jared stayed for a second movie, but which time he was tired enough to fall against Jensen. Jensen was sat up, sipping his third beer, but Jared was laying on the couch, his legs curled and his head on Jensen's chest. Jensen's hand was running through his hair and lightly massaging his scalp. "That's not romantic at all," Jared said, nodding at the screen.

"Huh?" Jensen said. "Oh, it's a little romantic right?"

"Hooking up in a forest is not the way to woo anyone, Ackles," sighed Jared.

"Do you know that from experience, Jay-Jay?" questioned Jensen, raising an eyebrow. Jared chuckled. He gripped Jensen's wrist and moved his hand from his hair to his chest. Jared lightly pressed his lips to Jensen's arm and Jensen chuckled. "Well, aren't you sweet," he chuckled. He pressed his lips to the top of Jared's head and beamed at him. Jared released Jensen's elbow and slightly sat up so he was able to kiss along Jensen's collar bone. Jensen grinned. Jared sat up properly and lightly pressed his lips to Jensen. He felt Jensen's lips smile against his, before deepening the kiss. When they pulled apart, Jared kissed his neck and Jensen kissed his cheek.

Jared kissed Jensen again as he felt Jensen unbuttoning his shirt. Jared felt Jensen's hand wrap around his waist as Jared kissed his neck. Jared helped Jensen pull his t-shirt over his head and began unbuttoning his jeans. "You gonna fuck me, Jay?" moaned Jensen, sucking on the bare skin of Jared's shoulder.

"Uh," Jared moaned. "N-Not today." Jensen cocked his head.

"What?" he asked, pulling away. "A-Am I moving too fast? We can stop."

"No, no," Jared said quickly, removing his hands from Jensen's waist. "I-I-I want you to-to fuck me." 

"Are you sure, Jay?" Jensen questioned. "I remember you said you haven't done that before." Jared nodded slowly. "Alright, baby boy," Jensen sighed. He kissed Jared's neck. "I'm going to make it perfect for you." 

Jensen was true to his word and Jared found himself being a writhing mess, grinding against the pillow Jensen put under his waist as Jensen slowly thrust into him. "You okay, baby?" Jensen asked, his fingers making slowly trails down Jared's back. Jared could only moan in response. "I've got you, boy," Jensen murmured, taking Jared's dick into his fist. "Gonna make you feel this good always." Jared groaned into the blanket on Jensen's bed as Jensen kissed his shoulder and pulled out. He whipped off the condom and began to jerk himself in sync with his tugs on Jared's cock. Jared groaned as he spilled over Jensen's fist. He heard Jensen gasp as he followed suite. "Shower, baby boy?" Jensen murmured. Jared nodded.


	23. Familiarization

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

Jared accompanied Jensen on a few small dates after that, which usually consisted of heading to a coffee shop after work or sitting in Jared's living room, eating pizza. He fell asleep with Jensen tucked up next to him in his bed more than a handful of times and every time Jared would feel awful having to get up and walk his dog. On some occasions, he'd return home to find Jensen cooking breakfast in the kitchen for them, but most of the time he was still in bed, snoring away. 

It became apparent to Jared about a month after he started dating Jensen that Jensen spent more time at his house than he did in his own apartment. Jared didn't mind this as he found spending time with him helped him with his homesickness issues, but he wondered if Jensen minded. Jensen didn't appear to dislike hanging out in Jared's living room, nor did he complain when Jared asked the driver to head to his house.

Jared had planned a nice, proper fourth date for Jensen on Saturday and he had planned to ask Jensen about it on Friday, but when Jared wrapped for lunch, Jensen had to head to the wardrobe department to get another costume on to shoot a scene with one of the child guest stars who had to leave soon. Jared ate his lunch alone on his usual table and bit into his burger as he heard the 2nd AD rush around, looking for Jensen and one of the other actors. 

Jensen finished a scene before Jared did, so he wandered to his trailer to shower while Jared remained on set. He was sat on a bed on the main stage, waiting for one of the new guest stars to arrive from wardrobe. Jared pretended not to mind and joked around with some of the crew members, but he was hungry and tired and ready to go home. 

Once Jared finally wrapped, he knocked on the door of Jensen's trailer and smiled as Jensen threw it open. His hair was still wet and slightly curly from his shower and he was wearing a grey t-shirt with a low collar, revealing the top of one of the love bites Jared had left on his chest. He smirked at Jared, who rolled his eyes at him. "Hi," Jared said. Jensen smiled genuinely at him. "Do-do you have any weekend plan?" Jared asked.

"Not really," shrugged Jensen. "Do you?"

"Not currently," sighed Jared. "But I-I was hoping you'd like to go out with me tomorrow." He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as Jensen shrugged.

"Yeah, sure," he replied. "Where do you want to go?"

"The restaurant opposite the church in town," Jared told him. Jensen raised an eyebrow.

"Fancy," he chuckled. Jared nodded.

"Is that okay with you?" he asked. Jensen nodded. 

"What time?" he questioned.

"Uh... I'll book a table for as close to eight as possible," Jared replied. Jensen nodded.

"Sounds good," he told him. Jared beamed. "Do you want to come to mine before hand again so I can drive us?" Jensen questioned.

"Sure," shrugged Jared. He had hoped that he could pick Jensen up this time, but he wasn't going to complain. 

Once Jared had showered and returned his costume to the wardrobe department, he met Jensen in their car. Their driver had headed to the bathroom, so they were alone. Jensen was on his phone, so Jared took his own phone out of his pocket. "Do you want to head to the bar?" Jensen asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Huh?" Jared questioned, looking up.

"Do you want to head to the bar before we go to yours?" Jensen asked again. "Or do you need to see the boy." Jared swallowed nervously.

"D-Do you want to go to your place this time?" he asked quietly. Jensen frowned.

"I can if you want," he shrugged. "We're seeing each other tomorrow, I guess." 

"No," Jared said quickly. "I didn't mean you weren't welcome, it's just we're _always_ at my place and I wanted you to know that we could go to yours if you'd prefer." 

"I'm fine with hanging out at yours," shrugged Jensen. "The boy's there and there's more privacy." Jared nodded.

~~~ 

Jared received a text message from Jensen while he was walking his dog the following morning informing him that Jensen had headed home. Jared replied with a 'ok' and threw a Frisbee for his dog to chase after. He sat on one of the benches and watched as the dog rushed around. A woman with long, silvery hair walking a Dalmatian strode past him and winked at him. Jared flushed for a moment before nodding at her. The woman smiled and waved, but did not say anything. Jared called his dog back and he happily dropped the frisbee at his feet. "Ready to go, boy?" he asked, patting his head. The dog yapped, probably knowing that he would be fed when they returned to Jared's house. Jared reattached his lead and rubbed the dog's neck.

~~~ 

Jared wore his nicest blazer and pants to meet Jensen that evening. One of his neighbour's daughters came to his house slightly before seven to pick up the dog, as he would be staying with her for the night, and after she left, Jared locked up and slid into his car. He texted Jensen to let him know that he was on his way and offered to pick him anything up from the local shop. Jensen did not respond, so Jared just bought a litre of lemonade and a pack of cookies for them to share. 

When Jared got to Jensen's apartment building, Jensen was not waiting in the parking lot as he had been for the last few times that Jared had arrived. Jared didn't mind and took his carrier bag from the back of his car and strode into the building. He saw Jensen's immediate neighbour at the top of the stairs, kicking her own door. Jared pretended not to notice her and knocked on Jensen's door. Jared tapped his foot as he waited, but after almost a full minute, he knocked the door again. "He's probably jerking off," drawled the woman beside him. Jared raised an eyebrow at her and knocked thrice in quick succession. "I think that's what he spends most of his time doing," the woman said. "Beating off. I don't think he's had a girlfriend since he moved in." Jared nodded. The woman kicked her door again, before sighing and just entering her apartment. Jared decided not to question it. Eventually, Jensen threw open the door. He was dressed in his boxers and a loose, white t-shirt and his hair was a mess. He looked as if he had just woken up and yet he still looked tired. 

"Hey," Jared said. "I brought cookies." Jensen grinned sleepily at him. "Uh... can I put these down?" Jared asked. Jensen nodded and followed him into the kitchen. Jared glanced at his watch. "I made the reservation for twenty past eight, so we have about half an hour," he said.

"Oh, shit," Jensen said. "Sorry, I fell asleep. I-I'll change now." Jared shrugged and poured some of his lemonade into one of Jensen's coffee mugs as Jensen sauntered towards his bedroom.

Jared felt out of his comfort zone in the restaurant. The table behind them was a large party of men several years older than them dressed much smarter than them clearly celebrating something and across the room was an equally large party celebrating a couple's engagement. Jensen and Jared were sat in the square table in the corner of the room, sipping white wine. Jared was very conscious of how close his feet were to Jensen's and tried to give the other man as much personal space as possible as he could see that Jensen was even more uncomfortable than he was. "Do you want three courses or only two?" Jared asked.

"Two's good," replied Jensen. "We have those cookies at mine, right?" 

"Yeah," shrugged Jared. 

"Did you want three courses?" Jensen asked.

"Nah, cookies are good," Jared replied. Jensen visibly relaxed and smiled. Jared smiled back at him and glanced down at the menu. Jensen sipped his wine and glanced at his own menu. "See anything you like?" Jared asked him. Jensen shrugged. 

Once they had ordered, Jared sat silently facing Jensen, struggling to come up with a topic of conversation. He felt Jensen's eyes on him as he shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. "How's the boy?" Jensen asked, breaking the silence. Jared looked up. 

"He's good," he replied. "He is eating slightly less than usual, but apparently that's normal for a dog his age." 

"Is he at yours?" Jensen questioned.

"No, he's at the house across the street for the night," said Jared.

"That sounds nice for him," Jensen said.

"Yeah," sighed Jared. "I don't think he likes being alone, and they have two teenagers that are likely to give him lots of cuddles." Jensen chuckled.

"I'm sure he's living in a dream world," he muttered. Jared nodded slowly. "You looking forward to your soup?" Jensen asked.

"Yeah," shrugged Jared. "Are you looking forward to your prawn thing?" Jensen nodded. 

"Yeah, sounds good," he sighed. Jared felt his knee hit against his own, so he moved his leg backwards, remembering that Jensen didn't like that sort of thing. "Uh... got any plans for hiatus?" Jensen asked.

"None yet," shrugged Jared. Jensen nodded and gulped down the rest of his wine.

Jared didn't think that he had ever felt so awkward just sitting with Jensen, but he was beginning to regret choosing such a fancy place. It was obvious that all the other parties of two were out on dates, but Jensen didn't want it known that they were on a date, and Jared felt uncertain of what he could and couldn't do or say. Jensen also appeared to be out of his comfort zone, but he tried to string together a conversation as they waited for their main courses to arrive. "Have you heard of any plans for the wrap party?" he asked. "I keep trying to get details from the producers, but they're not telling." Jared shook his head.

"I've heard nothing," he replied. "I haven't really thought about it." Jensen nodded.

"I'm going to use the restroom, I'll be back," he said, standing up. Jared nodded and brushed some crumbs from the bread he had eaten off his trousers. He folded his napkin over his lap and stared at his watch silently as he waited for Jensen to return. He tried to think of conversation topics, but he didn't have any. Normally, conversation flowed well between the pair of them, but Jared supposed his nerves were getting in the way. He wasn't proud of this, as he remembered Jensen's last dating experience didn't go very well and he wanted to prove that he was better, but he was so caught up in his own thoughts he doubted that Jensen was having a good time.

After they had finished eating, they paid the bill and headed out to the parking lot. Jensen unlocked his truck and held the door open for Jared to clamber in. Jared nodded at him and jumped up, slamming the door behind him as Jensen strode to the other side of the vehicle. Jensen started the vehicle and followed a small, blue car onto the main road. "Your burger looked good," he said. Jared nodded.

"Oh, yeah," he said. "It was char-grilled so it was really good. How was the chicken?"

"Yeah, it was nice," Jensen replied. "It was a little dry, but nice."

"Why'd you go for the chicken sandwich and not steak or something?" Jared asked him. "You on a diet or something?"

"Why, do I need to watch my figure?" chuckled Jensen. Jared froze.

"That's not what I mean," he said quickly. "You know I don't think that, right?" Jensen laughed.

"Yeah, yeah, relax man," he sighed. "I was just joking." Jared exhaled slowly. "What's up?" Jensen asked him. "You seem nervous." Jared shrugged. "Is there something you're not telling me?" Jensen questioned softly. Jared shook his head. Jensen raised an eyebrow. "Did you have a good time?" he asked.

"Yeah, it wasn't bad," Jared said, forcing a smile. "I-I don't know if I'd do it again, though, pretty public place." Jensen shrugged. "I know it was my idea," Jared said quickly. "But I suppose at the time I forgot how uncomfortable you were with PDA and how you- we weren't out and stuff." Jensen stared at him for a moment.

"Are you breaking up with me?" he questioned slowly. Jared widened his eyes.

"What, no," he flared. "Of course not." Jensen exhaled shakily.

"Good," he murmured. "Cos I wouldn't like that." 

"Why would you think that?" Jared mumbled.

"It would make sense," shrugged Jensen. "You've been nervous and not as talkative as usual, not to mention you just listened reasons why dating me isn't fun." Jared shook his head.

"I didn't mean it like that," he sighed. "Dating you _is_ fun, but sometimes I just forget about all the other stuff." Jensen shrugged.

"Do you want to go swimming tomorrow?" Jensen asked, changing the subject. Jared sighed, not entirely sure he had convinced Jensen he did not dislike dating him, before he nodded.

"Sounds good," he said. Jensen smiled.

"Whose place are we headed to?" he asked.

"Your place has the cookies," Jared replied. Jensen chuckled and nodded.

~~~ 

Once they returned to Jensen's apartment, Jared sat on the couch and opened the pack of cookies while Jensen poured them drinks. Jared untied his shoes and rubbed the back of his neck as Jensen entered the room. However, he did not come with two bottles of beer, but a tray of shot glasses, which he placed on the coffee table in front of Jared. Jared raised an eyebrow quizzically at him. "We're going to play a game," Jensen announced. Jared cocked his head.

"What sort of game?" he questioned.

"We're gonna ask each other questions," Jensen said. "If we answer, the other person drinks, but if we don't, we have to drink." 

"What is this stuff?" Jared asked.

"Fireball," shrugged Jensen. Jared raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not a whisky guy," he said. 

"You're not supposed to want to take a shot," chuckled Jensen. "That's kinda the point." 

"What's the point of this?" Jared asked. "What sort of questions to you want to ask?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out," said Jensen. "And the _point_ is because we've both been pretty shitty conversationalists, so it's a way to get the ball rolling. Don't say you'd tell me the answers anyway, because that ruins the fun of it." 

"Alright, fine, I'll play your game," Jared sighed. Jensen smirked and sat beside him on the couch. 

"You can go first," Jensen said. "Ask away."

"I dunno," sighed Jared. "Do you pee in the shower?" Jensen laughed. Jared shrugged.

"Yeah," Jensen replied. "All the time. Who doesn't?" Jared shrugged. "Now go on buddy, take a shot." 

"What are you achieving with this?" Jared sighed. 

"Giving you an awful hangover," Jensen replied, sticking his tongue out at Jared, who rolled his eyes. "Here you go," Jensen said, passing him one of the shot glasses. Jared rolled his eyes, but drank it anyway. He winced and groaned after he had swallowed it, causing Jensen to chuckle.

"You know, I'm supposed to be driving home tonight," he groaned. Jensen chuckled.

"Couch is always open," he said. Jared rolled his eyes. 

"Should I ask you questions until you refuse to answer or are we going to take turns?" Jared asked.

"We'll take turns," replied Jensen. Jared nodded."Hmm... how often do you jerk off?" Jensen questioned. Jared rolled his eyes.

"I don't have a schedule," he replied. "It's not like every Wednesday I make sure to jerk off. I dunno, probably a few times a week, it varies." Jensen shrugged and downed one of the shots. He stuck his tongue out in disgust, which caused Jared to burst out in laughter. 

"Go on, ask me something," Jensen said. Jared hummed thoughtfully.

"Why did you forgive me when I crashed your car last year?" he asked softly. Jensen raised an eyebrow.

"Really, you could ask me _anything_ and _that's_ what you want to know?" he chuckled.

"You could ask anything and you chose to ask about jerking off?" shrugged Jared. Jensen snorted. "Besides, you loved that car and you were only mad for like a day before deciding it didn't matter." 

"It's not that important," Jensen shrugged. "I'd had the car for a few years and she was getting on a bit. I- I mean _obviously_ I was pissed, I was too drunk to even spell my own name and you assured me you were good enough to drive. I offered to pay for a cab and you told me we didn't have to and then you go and crash into the gas station. But-but I don't know, man, I could tell how worked up about it you were and that you meant it when you apologised and, I dunno, we had to work together and everything so it just made sense to let you off the hook." Jared nodded and took a shot. 

"So, you thought I was very sorry and fun to work with?" he questioned. Jensen nodded. "Alright," Jared sighed. "You go." 

"What did you genuinely think when I started wearing those tight pants?" Jensen asked. Jared rolled his eyes.

"Fuck off," he said.

"Are you refusing to answer?" Jensen asked playfully.

"No, that's what I thought," replied Jared. "I decided you and the wardrobe department were in a conspiracy to get me to announce my kinda-not-straightness to the entire crew and I wanted you to fuck off." Jensen laughed and drank one of the shots.

"As the guy whose dick has been in your ass, I can certainly vouch for the kinda-not-straightness," he snorted. Jared rolled his eyes. Jensen flung his arm around Jared's shoulders and smiled. He ran his fingers through Jared's hair as Jared hummed thoughtfully. 

"Would you mind it if next time we went out I put my hand on your knee or your thigh or something?" he asked.

"Yes," Jensen replied as Jared took a shot. Once he swallowed he nodded. 

"Okay," he shrugged. 

"I can deal with discrete stuff, like playing footsie under the table or something, but not that," Jensen said.

"Okay, that's fine," said Jared. "I was just wondering." Jensen nodded and covered Jared's hand, which was on his own knee, with his own.

"Do you wish I - I had a bigger dick?" Jensen asked. Jared raised an eyebrow.

"What?" he questioned.

"You're the bigger guy and you're proportional in that way," murmured Jensen. "And, y'know, you said you like to bottom too, which I have no issue with, but do you wish you were with someone bigger?" Jared shook his head.

"You think I care about that stuff?" he asked softly. "You think I-I-" 

"Are you gonna ask the question or not?" Jensen questioned. Jared sighed.

"No, Jensen, I don't wish you had a bigger dick," said Jared. "God, why would you even think that? H-Have I done anything to make you feel uncomfortable? I'd never want to do that." Jensen laughed.

"No, you've never complained or made me uncomfortable about it," he replied. "But, y'know, guy has to wonder; you're built like you and I'm built like me, I wanted to know if you thought you were missing out on something. I mean- god, I'm not drunk enough for this- when you're on top, I see stars, but, I can't really do that for you without the extra inch I suppose."

"I don't think I'm that much bigger," Jared murmured softly. "Not that it matters, or anything. Y'know, isn't mocking someone for their dick body-shaming?" Jensen cackled and took the shot. "Jense," Jared continued. "I like dating you because you're cool and nice and funny, if you were built like a Ken doll I'd still want you." Jensen snorted but smiled. Jared rubbed his knee. "You don't genuinely think that when you're fucking me I'm annoyed at the size of your dick?" Jared asked. Jensen shrugged. Jared shook his head. 

"Your turn," Jensen sighed. Jared nodded.

"Do you wish I was gay?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" Jensen questioned.

"Well, like, I'm not entirely gay, although I'm not entirely straight either, but do you wish I was fully gay?" Jared asked. "A lot of my friends wouldn't date someone who isn't one or the other because they'd feel they'd have to 'compete' with everyone or something, so I was wondering what you thought." Jensen shook his head.

"You're into me, that's good enough for me," he shrugged. Jared raised an eyebrow. "Seriously, I don't care," Jensen said. "As long as you're into it, I'm good." Jared drank a shot as Jensen rubbed the back of his neck. "I love you," he whispered, before he lightly pressed his lips to the crook of Jared's neck. Jared smiled and kissed Jensen's cheek. 

"I love you too," he murmured. "So much." Jensen grinned.

"Have you told anyone we're together?" he questioned.

"No," Jared replied.

"Not your friends from home or Megan or anyone?" Jensen inquired.

"No," Jared replied. "No-one." 

"Fair enough," Jensen said, before drinking.

"Have you?" Jared asked.

"Yeah, I told my brother," Jensen replied. "He was talking about this woman he liked who'd rejected him so I kinda told him we were going out. I told him not to tell anyone, though, and I trust he's kept his word." Jared nodded as Jensen drank.

"Why'd she reject him, he seems nice enough?" Jared asked.

"She heard he cheated on his ex," sighed Jensen. "He wasn't to know that they worked together but damn, that relationship was a mess." Jared cocked his head. "He fell out of love with her, y'know," Jensen said. "But he didn't have the heart to tell her. They were together for the entirety of college or something like that, so when he started working over the summer and this other girl started hitting on him, he agreed to go back to her place." He shook his head. "Anyway, back to the game."

"Have you... have you ever cheated on anyone?" Jared asked. Jensen raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," he replied quietly.

"Really?" Jared inquired. Jensen dropped his gaze.

"Yeah, I'm not proud of it or anything, nor would I ever dream of doing it to you, but yeah, it happened. I was like seventeen I dating this girl who was a bit older than me and one day we went to this party some of her college buddies were throwing and I met this guy who was really into me and we made out," Jensen replied. "I saw him again at the next party we went to and he blew me in the attic. She never knew." 

"You dated a girl?" Jared questioned Jensen laughed.

"Yep," he sighed. "She lived in my grandmother's street and thought I was hot. She was nineteen, I was seventeen, my friends thought it was really cool and her friends thought I was adorable. Her folks went to church with my grandparents and she would often go to their place looking for me. I supposed since everyone in my life was telling me I should go out with her and I hadn't dated anyone since I was ten, I should ask her out. I mainly did it so nobody would suspect I was gay. I know it was a dick move; she liked me and I had no interest in her, but I didn't know what else to do." 

"I'm assuming you broke up?" Jared asked, taking a shot.

"Yeah," Jensen said. "After the second time, I was really guilty, not just because I'd cheated on her, but because I'd done it with a guy, so I stopped agreeing to go to college parties. I told her I didn't drink and had no interest in watching her get drunk, and two weeks later, we had the 'it's not you, it's me' conversation." Jared nodded. 

"You didn't drink, huh?" he chuckled. "If only she could see you now." 

"I'm actually glad she can't," Jensen said darkly. "She and her folks are those religious types that hate gay people." 

"Sorry," Jared said quickly.

"It's fine, you couldn't have known," Jensen shrugged. "What was your first relationship like?" 

"Oh, awful," said Jared. "I was fourteen- maybe thirteen- and I asked this girl to some school dance and she said yes. Apparently that meant we were dating. I had no idea what to do in a relationship, so we mainly just went to this local park and watched the ducks. We never kissed, never held hands, never did anything. Then she dumped me for some kid on the baseball team." Jensen laughed before he drank. 

"I was on my school's baseball team," he said. "There was this cheerleader who was always trying to get me to go to her house after the games." 

"Only you would complain that a cheerleader wanted your attention," said Jared, shaking his head. Jensen laughed. "How old were you when you had your first boyfriend?" Jared asked.

"Dunno, maybe nineteen," shrugged Jensen. Jared nodded. "He was a model," Jensen continued as Jared picked up a shot. "And he _definitely_ looked like one. I was nominated for some young actors award and he was one of the guys standing in the background of the shoot I did." 

"So if I find this article I could find him?" Jared questioned.

"Probably," replied Jensen. "Don't know why you'd want to, he wasn't bad or anything, it just didn't work." Jared nodded and drank. He hiccuped violently. 

"I don't like this game," he muttered. "I feel sick." Jensen chuckled and handed him the pack of cookies. Jared took one as Jensen got up. He strode to the kitchen and returned with the bottle of Fireball. He refilled all of the empty glasses as Jared shook his head. "No more, please, no more," Jared murmured. "I seriously feel sick." Jensen chuckled and sat beside him. Jared placed his head on Jensen's shoulder and sighed. 

"Do you jerk off thinking about me?" Jensen asked.

"What?" Jared cried, spiting out his cookie. Jensen snorted. 

"You have to answer the question," Jensen said. Jared sighed.

"Not routinely," Jared replied. "But I have done." Jensen nodded and drank. "Will you kiss me?" Jared asked. 

"Sure I will, sweetheart," Jensen replied. Jared smiled at Jensen leant in and kissed him. Jensen tasted of whiskey, but Jared didn't mind. Once Jensen pulled away, he took another shot as Jensen rubbed his back. "I might be drunk, but you look great tonight," Jensen told him. Jared grinned. 

"You look nice too," he said. Jensen beamed.

"Does it bother you that I don't let you hold my hand when we're on dates?" he asked. Jared shook his head.

"No, I get it," he replied. "I mean, of course I'd _like_ to hold my boyfriend's hand by the beach or in the park or something, but I don't mind that we don't do that." Jensen nodded and drank. 

"Thanks," he muttered. 

"I get to kiss you at home, so we're good," Jared said, pressing his lips to Jensen's neck. Jensen smirked. "Do you wish I was more experienced?" Jared asked.

"Huh?" Jensen questioned.

"Do you wish I had more experience being with a guy?" Jared sighed. "I mean, I don't know how to blow you, I'm pretty shit at prep and I still don't know how to react if I feel your boner against my leg." Jensen shook his head certainly.

"No," he said. Jared winced as he drank. "Do you really think that when I'm getting fucked I'm at all thinking about how you haven't blown me? Or how you react when I get hard? Come on, Jay, I couldn't care less." 

"You blow me all the time," murmured Jared. "I've never reciprocated. That doesn't bother you? You don't wish you were dating someone who knew or wanted to do that?"

"Never," Jensen said. "I'd never want you to do something you're uncomfortable and I like being with you. You're not bad at prep, just inexperienced, as you said, but no, I want you, dumbass, I don't care what you're experienced at with sex. It feels good so that's all I care about." 

"Good to know," Jared mumbled. Jensen kissed him. Jared moaned as Jensen's tongue hit his and his hand smoothed his hair. As he pulled away, Jensen bit Jared's bottom lip and smirked.

"Why do you always second-guess everything?" Jensen asked.

"What do you mean?" inquired Jared, taking another cookie. 

"You're always worried I'm not gonna turn up or I'm gonna get pissed at you or that you act inappropriately when we're out," Jensen replied. "And to be honest, it kinda hurts. It feels like you don't trust that I want to be your boyfriend or as if you think I'm gonna turn around and tell you that you're not good enough and that-that's not a nice feeling." 

"You're the one always worrying about things," Jared muttered. "I don't think there's been a time where I've even managed to give you a handjob without you asking repeatedly if I wanted to." 

"You're gonna take a swing at me for making sure my boyfriend was consenting?" Jensen snorted. "You don't need to get defensive, you don't need to answer the question, y'know." Jared nodded. "Look," Jensen continued. "Of course I want to make sure you're still into it. I don't care if it's just a handjob, if somewhere down the line you decide you don't want to touch my dick or you don't want anything sexual, you need to make that known. I check in on you to make sure you know that, not because I'm second-guessing what we're doing." 

"I-I- Look, this isn't the first relationship I've been in with someone who I was friends with first," mumbled Jared. "There was this girl I was friends with in High School who was pretty hot but she always had this boyfriend, James or Joe or something like that, but we were friends through all of High School. She went to college near where I filmed this TV movie thing when I was eighteen. It was pretty low budget, but it was fun and I ended up hanging out with her a lot. Eventually, I found out she'd broken up with the boyfriend and asked her out- not just because she was hot, there were other reasons too- and I thought it would be great, but it wasn't. She'd often come to what I thought were dates with friends and she was kinda put off by the fact that I'd only ever had one proper relationship, y'know. Sometimes we'd make plans to go for dinner and she'd be late and she got pissed if I didn't want to have sex when she did. We blurred the lines between dating and friendship so much, we never really 'broke up', she just came to what i thought to be a date with two friends and a guy she introduced as her boyfriend. I didn't expect it to matter, after we broke up, but I started dating someone else a little while after and I suppose being so young and it being my first 'adult' relationship, it must've fucked me up a bit." 

"That explains a lot," said Jensen before he drank.

"Then there was this woman I dated probably a year before I met you," sighed Jared. "We worked together on Phoenix but she wasn't an actress or anything. I remember thinking she was super hot and nice and she seemed interested in me, so not long after we wrapped, I asked her out. It seemed to be going well, before I let it slip that I thought she was attractive while we were working together. She said that was unprofessional and weird as we didn't know each other that well and broke up with me." Jensen widened his eyes.

"That's a shitty thing to do," he remarked. "She essentially broke up with her boyfriend cos he was attracted to her." Jared nodded. "So, do you have trust issues or something?" Jensen asked.

"I don't think so," Jared murmured. "I guess I just over-think sometimes." Jensen nodded.

"Are you ready to hit the hay, man?" Jensen asked. "I'm shattered."

"Oh, so when _I'm_ done with your stupid game, we keep playing, but when you're tired, we stop?" chuckled Jared. Jensen shrugged.

"Alright, fire away," Jensen said. "Hit me with your best." Jared hummed thoughtfully. 

"Do you often jerk off in your trailer?" Jared questioned. Jensen flushed.

"I don't whack off in my trailer," he said hotly. "That's unprofessional." 

"That's bullshit," droned Jared. "I caught you that one time, remember?" Jensen rolled his eyes.

"Alright, fine, I have," he muttered. "Not often, though, alright, I swear. It's just, sometimes it's awkward doing it here as I can hear my neighbours' moans when they're having a good time so I worry they can hear mine, so, yeah, I have done that." Jared stifled a chuckled and bit into another cookie. "Don't tell, like, Kripke or anyone, though. I doubt he'd approve."

"I won't," Jared said. "But you can't tell anyone that I like it- I like receiving it sometimes." Jensen frowned.

"God no," he said. "What we do is our business, I wouldn't - why would you even th- Jay, what?" Jared shrugged. "Do you jerk off in your trailer?" Jensen asked.

"Not this year," Jared replied. "I did a few times last year though, in the shower." Jensen nodded and drank. Jared coughed. "Is-is it weird for you playing a straight character?" he asked. "Like, do you wish you weren't?"

"No," shrugged Jensen. "I like Dean and I guess the womanizing is part of the character. It helps a little, too, separating him from me. However, I _do_ wish I could have less kissing scenes; those are awkward. And if the first scene I did with a new guest star wasn't me sexualising them, that would be great as a few of them have seemingly avoided me because of that." 

"Poor Jensen," laughed Jared before he drank.

"When was the last time you jerked off thinking about me?" Jensen questioned.

"Didn't you already ask that?" Jared asked.

"No, I asked if you jerked off thinking about me, which you admitted to," said Jensen. "Now I'm asking when the last time you did that was." 

"Honestly, Jense, I don't know," Jared replied. "Maybe sometime just before we went on our official second date." 

"I haven't done anything sexy enough for you in all that time?" chuckled Jensen, before taking a shot. Jared laughed. 

"What's your weirdest kink?" he asked.

"I don't have any," Jensen replied stiffly.

"I don't believe you," Jared told him. "You can drink if you don't want to answer, but are you really going to swallow your pride over that?"

"Stop teasing, Jarebear," drawled Jensen. "I thought you loved me." 

"I thought this was your idea in the first place?" 

"True, true," Jensen sighed. "Uh... look. I dunno, okay. I'm not into feet or anything like that. I... I guess- I guess I'm kinda into all that owning shit, y'know, the whole 'you're mine' and collaring shit. Not in a weird animal way, just that."

"You want someone to put a collar on you and own you?" Jared asked, before he drank.

"I-I dunno," replied Jensen. "It gets me off though, watching that shit. Don't you go trying it when I'm sober, though." Jared nodded. "Since you're hellbent on embarrassing me, I'm gonna do the same to you," Jensen said decisively. 

"What do you mean?" Jared asked. "We've been asking similar questions." Jensen shook his head.

"You said that before you even met me you had fantasies that you jerked off to, right? What's your favourite? What's the one you'd think of the most?" he asked, smirking.

"Nope, not going there," Jared said, reaching for a shot. Jensen slapped his hand away.

" _That's_ where you draw the line?"

"You don't need to know that shit, dude," Jared said. "It'ill make things weird."

"I just told you I want you to own me and put me in a collar but, no, what you jerk off to makes stuff weird." 

"It will," Jared insisted. 

"Forget the shots, I'll blow you if you tell me," Jensen said.

"Nah, man, I'm too drunk to get it up." 

"Fair enough," Jensen shrugged. 

"I'm gonna be honest, Jense, the one I think of the most is just you, naked on my bed, jerking off and looking incredibly cute." 

"How sappy," Jensen said, before he drank. Jared chuckled. Jensen threw his arm over his shoulders and smiled. "You're the love of my life, Jarebear, don't you forget it." 

"You're just trying to make me go easy on you," drawled Jared, sticking out his tongue.

"Maybe."

"It's not gonna work."

"Not even a little?" Jensen asked, sticking out his bottom lip. Jared shook his head.

"What are the signs I need to look out for to know if you're growing tired of me?" 

"Wh-What?" spluttered Jensen.

"You know when you just know you've lost a spark with someone and you don't want to be with them anymore, you act differently right? Well, what's something you do that I need to look out for?" 

"I dunno, Jay," Jensen replied.

"Are you refusing to answer?" Jared asked.

"No, that's genuinely never happened to me before," Jensen replied. "My situation doesn't lead to many long-lasting relationships." Jared nodded. "Come on, let's go to bed." 

Jared curled up next to Jensen as the other man clambered into bed. He had changed in the bathroom while Jared had just flung off his clothes and scrambled into bed while wearing only his boxers. "Stop it," Jensen murmured. "You're too big, I don't like it." Jared rolled his eyes and moved away from Jensen, to his side of the bed. Jensen smiled. 

"Your mattress is uncomfortable," Jared muttered.

"Well, get used to it," shrugged Jensen. "I have many plans involving you and this mattress so you'd better become acquainted fast." Jared wanted to respond, but before he came up with a witty remark, he fell asleep.


	24. Neglection

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

Jared headed to the gym before work on Monday morning, which he decided was a big mistake, because when he woke on Tuesday, his legs were sore and his biceps were in agony. He slowly walked around his garden with his dog, too physically tired to venture to the nearby park, before making toast for breakfast as his arms hurt too much to open the cupboard that contained his cereal. He was sitting on his couch, still dressed in a loose t-shirt and boxers, when Jensen barged in. "You really need to learn to lock the door," Jensen told him, flinging himself onto the couch beside Jared.

"Nice to see you too," Jared groaned.

"What's up with you?" Jensen chuckled. "You look like crap." 

"Don't worry about it," Jared sighed. Jensen kissed his forehead and smirked. 

"Did you get hurt doing something stupid?" he asked. Jared shook his head. "You'd better not have." Jared shook his head again and bit into his toast. "Where's the boy, then?" 

"In the kitchen eating his kibble." 

"Are you coming to Davey's thing tonight or are you hanging out with the dog?" 

"I'll be there," Jared said before he finished his toast.

"Good, good, it should be fun." 

"Not too much fun, though, we're working tomorrow."

"Don't be a killjoy," chuckled Jensen. 

"Why? You know you can't act when you have a hangover," sniggered Jared. Jensen rolled his eyes. 

"Can I come back here after?" he asked. "It'd suck to have to walk home." Jared nodded shortly.

"Sure, but I may turn you into my personal pillow again." 

"That's alright." 

~~~ 

After work, Jared and Jensen had their driver take them to their respective homes to change. Jared showered, washing away dirt, sweat and hair product, before throwing on a blue button up shirt and a pair of black jeans. He was tempted to wear his skinny, blue jeans that his brother had bought him, not knowing his size just to rile up Jensen, but he decided that that would be unprofessional and uncomfortable, so he wore his favourite pair. Jared made sure that his dog's food bowl was filled with kibble and pieces of chicken and that his water bowl was filled with fresh, cold water, before he petted him goodbye and locked up the house.

Jared walked to the local bar and peered through the window. He spotted McG and a few of the crew standing by the bar, but there was no sign of Jensen, so he waited in the beer garden. 

Jensen was red in the face and sweaty when he arrived. He was wearing a green shirt and a pair of grey dress pants. "What happened to you?" Jared asked. "You look like you fell into a river." 

"I was running late so I ran here," Jensen shrugged.

"Why were you running late?" 

"I got into an argument with my neighbour; she accused me of having very loud sex at two in the morning."

"Who were you fucking at two? It wasn't me, I know that much." 

"Nobody, obviously," huffed Jensen. 

"I feel like I might need to have a word with this neighbour of yours," chuckled Jared.

"No, you don't," Jensen snapped. "The only noise last night was her damn TV. Are you ready to go inside?" 

"Yeah, I was just waiting for you." 

"Well, that's nice sweetheart, but we'd better go," Jensen sighed. Jared rolled his eyes and followed him.

After an hour or so, Jared and Jensen followed one of the cameramen to a cab outside. They were joined by Robert, who was on the phone, talking loudly to someone about the cost of plane tickets. Jensen took the front seat while Jared was in the back, beside the slightly drunk cameraman. Jensen glanced back at Jared a couple of times and winked, but Jared just rolled his eyes.

They drove to a restaurant a few miles out of town where the main party was held. They were a large party, at least thirty people, so they took up almost an entire room to themselves, the exception being an elderly couple in the corner with a toddler in a highchair. Jared sat beside Jensen and sneakily placed his hand on his knee as Davey entered the room, followed by Kripke. For a second, Jensen smiled at him, before batting his hand away. "Sorry," Jared mumbled. Jensen shook his head.

"Don't be," he murmured. "Just don't grip too hard." Jared nodded and placed his hand on Jensen's knee. Jensen rolled his eyes and ran his own hand up Jared's calve, before gripping his menu.

"What're you going to have?" Jared asked, releasing Jensen's knee and leaning over his shoulder to read the menu. 

"Probably fish cakes or something," Jensen replied. "My mother liked those. Although the chicken does come with a Texas BBQ sauce."

"I was going to go for that," Jared said.

"Alright, if I go salmon and you go chicken, we can share," Jensen shrugged. 

"Oh yeah, cos that's normal thing people do in a restaurant," chuckled Jared.

"We've done it before." 

"Yeah, but never with a group of people who, y'know, know us as _friends_."

"Alright, alright," grumbled Jensen. "But I am going to steal one of your wings. You got ideas for the main course? I'm thinking steak." 

"I think we have to go off the course menu."

"That sucks." 

~~~ 

Jensen, yet again, had more to drink than Jared, so he needed help getting in and out of the cab. Jared and Jensen ended up in different cabs this time, as Jared was in the bathroom while Alona was helping Jensen into the vehicle, so he sat beside Robert in another one of the cabs. He was slightly drunk and his head felt heavy on his neck, so he leant against the door as they began to drive onto the small, thin roads. 

Jensen's cab got back to the bar before Jared's did, so the older man sat on one of the picnic benches in the beer garden to wait for him. He looked close to sleep when Jared arrived. Also, he was obviously drunk, as he latched onto Jared as he approached. A few crew members around them laughed as Jared attempted to bat Jensen's hands from his shoulders, but he failed and Jensen just gripped on tighter. "Let's go home, Jarebear," he whispered in Jared's ear. "'M cold." Jared rolled his eyes and bid goodbye to whoever was left, before peeling Jensen from him and hooking his arm around Jensen's waist to support him as they walked.

Jared helped Jensen onto the couch as soon as they got to his house. Jensen was muttering something inaudible under his breath as Jared got him a glass of water from the kitchen. His dog padded into the living room and sat beside Jensen’s feet. Jensen petted his head affectionately and smiled as Jared handed him the glass. “You’re my favourite,” he said.

“Are you talking to me or the dog?” Jared asked. 

“You,” shrugged Jensen as he drank the water. “But he’s definitely up there.” Jared laughed. Jensen patted the cushion beside him so he sat down and wrapped his arm around Jensen’s waist. Jensen let his head fall onto Jared’s shoulder as Jared massaged his scalp. 

“Do you want to borrow clothes or are you good to sleep in your boxers?” Jared asked lightly rubbing Jensen’s neck. 

“I’m good,” Jensen shrugged. “But thanks, Jarebear, I love you.” Jared pressed his lips to Jensen’s temple as the other man yawned. 

“How much did you drink tonight, anyway?” Jared questioned. 

“I dunno,” Jensen sighed, putting the now empty glass onto the coffee table. Jared nodded. 

“Let’s get you to bed ,” he said softly . Jensen nodded. 

~~~ 

When Jared returned from walking his dog he following morning, Jensen was still asleep. He had fallen asleep on top of the quilt wearing one of Jared's long sleep shirts that he kept for the winter and his boxers. His face was crushed into the pillow and he didn't notice the dog licking the bottom of his foot. Jared chuckled at the sight and kissed the back of Jensen's neck, but he did not stir. Jared snatched a loose t-shirt and a pair of sweats from his closet, which he took into the bathroom with him.

Jensen was awake and sitting on the bed, petting the dog when Jared returned to the bedroom. His hair was damp due to his shower and he smiled at the sight before him. "You hungry?" Jared asked. Jensen shrugged. "You might want to get changed, we need to go soon," Jared told him.

"Yes, Mother," snapped Jensen angrily.

"What crawled up your ass and died?" scoffed Jared. "I was only asking if you wanted eggs." Jensen snorted.

"Yeah, I'll take the free breakfast," he replied.

"Okay. Do you want me to take you home before the driver gets here?" 

"Why? He's picked me up from yours before."

"Yeah, but you only have your clothes from last night."

"So I'll steal some of yours, no biggie." Jensen fluttered his eyelashes. Jared rolled his eyes.

"Do any of my shirts fit you?" he chuckled.

"I only need to wear it to get into the car and to my trailer, it's fine," Jensen shrugged. Jared nodded and headed for the door. "Do-do you think you could get me a hangover cure?" Jensen asked feebly. "I feel dead." Jared laughed but nodded.

~~~ 

Jared finished an hour after Jensen and this time, he didn't wait up, so Jared ventured home alone. He patted his dog and padded to the kitchen to cook his chili. Jared glanced at his phone every few minutes to see if there was anything from Jensen, but there was not. About an hour later, he called him. "'Ello," Jensen said.

"Hey, it's me," Jared said.

"And what can I do for you, Jay-Jay?" 

"I dunno. Do-do you want to go out to dinner sometime soon?"

"Sure. I can do Friday night."

"Awesome," said Jared.

"What time do you want to meet?" Jensen asked. 

"I dunno, eight?"

"Sure."

"Do-do you want to get drinks tonight?" Jared asked nervously.

"Man, I'm still hungover from last night," Jensen chuckled. 

"Do you want to come over and have food or something?"

"I'm cooking beef now, man," Jensen replied. 

"Oh, okay," Jared said shortly. 

"I'll ring you later, man," Jensen told him. "I'm hungry." 

"Yeah, okay." 

~~~ 

Jared wore a long sleeved white t-shirt and a pair of shorts to work the following morning. He was still slightly sweaty from the gym, but he didn't have time to shower before he heard the black car pull up in his driveway. Jared slugged into the seat and smiled at Jensen, who was texting. "Hey there honey," Jensen whispered in his ear as he closed the door.. 

"Hello baby," Jared said stiffly. Jensen scoffed as Jared took a bite out of his bacon and egg sandwich.

"Hungry, I take it?" Jensen chuckled. Jared nodded.

"Overstayed at the gym," he said through a mouthful of food. "Didn't have time for breakfast."

"What do _you_ care about a gym for?" Jensen scoffed.

"What are you calling me fat? Some of us aren't naturally toned."

"No, of course not," chuckled Jensen. "You're incredibly fit, but you do all that running every day and you do stunt work for the show, so why would you need to go to the gym too?"

"I eat a lot of crap," shrugged Jared. "And I drink a lot of beer and that doesn't make me feel good. Working it off makes me feel good." Jensen smiled at him and patted Jared's stomach.

"I think you can eat all the chips you want," he said. "But I suppose if it makes you feel good, go ahead. Don't wear yourself out though, alright?" Jared nodded and bit into his sandwich again. "I had cereal for breakfast," Jensen said. "But I didn't have any milk so it was literally just dry cereal in a bowl." Jared chuckled. 

"I'm sure your lunch will be better," he said.

"I sure hope so." 

Jared was ready to fall asleep by lunch time. He had been working on a tiring fight routine with Todd, Jensen's stunt double, for most of the morning and his limbs were paining him. He sat at the usual table and began to eat his chili as Jensen approached. Jensen had a burger with fries for himself and a bottle of water, which he placed on the table in front of him. However, when he spotted how droopy Jared's eyelids were, he massaged his neck and abandoned his own food. "You alright, honey?" Jensen asked softly. Jared didn't have the energy to roll his eyes, so he just grimaced at him. "Seriously, Jay, what's up?" Jensen asked, his voice low and filled with concern.

"'M tired," Jared shrugged. "'N' sore."

"Alright, well, let's get you to your trailer," Jensen said. Jared got to his feet and gripped his bowl of chili. Jensen gripped his bicep as they strode towards the neat row of trailers. He helped Jared lay on his couch and placed his food on the coffee table. 

"You need to eat, too, Jense," yawned Jared. "Go 'n' get your grub." Jensen laughed. 

"Alright, but I'll go and get you some coffee while I'm there," shrugged Jensen. Jared smiled at him.

Jared knew that he wasn't really ready to run through the routine with Jensen, who had been rehearsing with Jared's stunt double, but he was eager to get it over with as they neared the end of the season and the pressure was on, so he told Kim that he was. Jensen tried to make it as easy as possible for him; whenever Jared would miss a move or swing with the wrong arm, he'd respond appropriately, but Kim could tell that it wasn't quite right. "Hey, Jared, _left fist_ remember?" he shouted. Jared nodded.

"Yeah, right, sorry," Jared called, struggling to hold back a yawn. He was too tired for this, and he knew it, but he was in too deep.

"Are you okay?" Jensen asked softly. Jared nodded. "Is there anything you need me to do?" Jared shook his head. 

"Ready, boys?" Kim called. Jared nodded. Jensen nodded. Kim called for the cameras to roll and Jensen moved to feign punching Jared. However, Jared messed up his footwork and his fist went straight into Jensen's nose. Jensen fell backwards in shock. . Jensen and the wood cascaded to the floor. "Ackles? You okay?" Kim called.

"Yeah, whatever" sighed Jensen. 

"Are you sure?" Jared asked quickly. 

"Yeah, Jared's hand is practically the size of your face," chuckled Kim.

"No, no, I'm good. Ready to go again?" 

~~~

Jared was excited for his date with Jensen. He had a picnic prepared in the trunk of his car that he had planned to take to the beach. He also had picked up a small, purple teddy bear and a bouquet of flowers to give to Jensen in return for all of the cute presents he had received. He wore a striped shirt that he had stolen from set last year and a pair of black jeans that his mother had given him for Christmas. He had a cheap, silver watch on his wrist, that he kept glancing at as he waited outside the bar for Jensen to arrive. "Hey, can I get you something?" one of the servers asked as she wiped down the table beside him. 

"Uh... no thank you, I'm waiting for someone, then we're going to order," Jared replied. The woman hummed.

"Are you sure they're coming? You've been sitting there for nearly forty minutes." 

"Yeah they-they're probably just running late. They're like that sometimes." 

"Alright, if you're so sure," sighed the woman, before she headed back inside. Jared nodded and twiddled his thumbs. He stared at the road as he waited for Jensen to walk by. Jared chewed the inside of his cheek as he grew nervous that Jensen was not going to arrive. He hadn't taken his phone with him as he did not want to be distracted from his date, which he regretted now.

As time passed, Jared began to wonder if something was wrong. Jensen had reassured him that he wouldn't ditch him without warning, yet it was nearing ten and there was no sign of Jensen. Jared decided that he would wait until half past, and if he didn't arrive by then, he would leave. Sighing, he strode to the bar and ordered himself a cheap beer. "What happened to your buddy?" the woman asked as her colleague poured him his drink.

"I don't know," Jared murmured.

"Well, screw them anyway," she said. Jared laughed humourlessly and paid for his drink.

Jared remained seated outside until eleven, when he decided he had waited for too long and that he had to face that Jensen was not coming, so he took his empty glass inside and headed back to his house. He was greeted by an excited ball of fur which made him feel slightly better as he led the dog into the kitchen. He didn't bother to get the crate that he had packed the picnic in out of the trunk of his car and just made himself a beef and mustard sandwich out of what was in his kitchen. Hared was slightly sad when he noticed that he had no missed calls or messages from Jensen, but he chose not to dwell on it and head to the living room to watch TV with his dog.

~~~ 

Jared woke early the following morning and took his dog for a run around the park. He threw a frisbee for the dog a few times, but he was more interested in meeting other dogs, so Jared threw it back in his rucksack and sat on a bench watching him before it was time to go. After that, he plodded to the gym and spent an hour running on the treadmill and another hour bench-pressing before he decided to head home. It was only about half nine by the time he got home, but he was shattered. He made himself a bowl of cereal and ate it in the kitchen while his dog lapped up his water. 

Jared took the dog out again around midday. He walked for a few blocks until he got to a bakery. He tied the dog's lead to the lamppost outside and bought himself a steak pie and a bottle of lemonade. He didn't know where he planned to eat, but he was glad to be out of the house. He ended up eating on a bench beside a greenery outside the centre of town. 

When Jared returned home after finishing his lunch, he headed straight to his bedroom. He picked his phone up from his bedside table and shook his head miserably after finding that he had no messages from Jensen. Going against his better instincts, he decided to call him, but he was sent straight to voicemail.


	25. Argumentation

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

Jared woke up late on Monday morning so he was late walking his dog, late cooking breakfast and late slipping into the car that had come to pick him up to take him to work. Jensen was not in the vehicle as he usually was, so Jared sat alone and put in his headphones, listening to the music on his Ipod. He tried not to worry that something might have happened to Jensen and decided that he'd speak to Jensen about it later.

Once Jared had his wardrobe and make-up on, he padded to the stage. As he entered the main studio, he heard Jensen's laugh carry through the hallway and smiled, relieved that he was okay. Jared resisted the urge to run a hand through his already gelled hair as he turned the corner and smiled at Jensen. However, Jensen didn't seem to notice him. He was accompanied by his parents, who he appeared to be showing the studio to. Jared tried waving to him, but Jensen didn't glance in his direction, so Jared approached the camera operators.

~ ~ ~

Jared didn't see Jensen much until after his parents left for Texas again. On the night afterwards, Jared was cooking himself a chili when there was a knock on the door. His dogs barked excitedly as Jared marched past them and opened the door. Jensen was standing there, holding a yellow rose and grinning. "Hey there," Jensen said.

"What do you want, Ackles?" Jared asked coldly. 

"Wow, mean," Jensen said. "Can I come in? I wanted to hang out."

"Or you could fuck off to wherever you've been hiding for two weeks."

"Can we not do this here? Can I not come in for a few minutes?"

"I'm cooking, Jensen."

"I'll watch. Can I pet the dogs?"

"Fine." Jared shifted out of the way to allow Jensen to pad into his kitchen. Jensen began to rub the stomach of one of the dogs, while Jared added onions to his chili. "So, when did you decide you wanted to be more than just my co-star again?" Jared asked.

"It's not like that," Jensen argued.

"I waited for hours at that fucking bar and you never showed and you never gave me an explanation." 

"My parents were visiting alright. You _know_ that."

"So?"

"So, they surprised me that night by coming up to Vancouver and took me out for food and in my shock I forgot about our date. I am sorry, Jared, I-I just-I'm not ready to tell them yet."

"That's fine, but you had weeks to explain this to me."

"In front of the camera crew?"

"If you didn't want to tell me in person, you could've texted," Jared said coldly, "or e-mailed, or done anything."

"We have a week of filming left, don't make it like this."

"I've been civil for two fucking episodes while you've acted like I was Johnny-nobody who was just an extra."

"Sorry."

"Is this what life is going to be, Jensen? I'm gonna suck your dick and then you'll ignore me whenever we see another human?"

"No, no, no," Jensen said quickly. "You've got it wrong. I-I get that I've been a pretty pathetic boyfriend this month but-but we can deal with that, okay? I swear I'll make it up to you. Just-just please don't let this become our norm."

"If you don't want to tell people we're dating, fine, but why the cold shoulder?"

"Cos when I see you I want to kiss you, and I'm an impulsive person, Jay. Please, please listen to me. I won't do it again, okay. I-I just didn't want my parents to think me unprofessional or anything."

"Right."

"If you give me another chance, let me take you out, dine you, treat you like royalty, will you also give me another chance to prove I'm-I'm worth this panic of not coming out?"

"I guess," Jared sighed. "I-I like kissing you too." 

"So, what'cha making?"

"Chili, what else?"

"Fair enough."

"Look, Jensen, I need to ask: are we still going to be _us_ over hiatus?" Jared asked after a beat of silence.

"Wh-what?"

"Are you going to want to date me in Texas, around our families?"

"Uh... yes? Yes. Yes, definitely."

"And am I going to be your dirty little secret for three months?"

"No. No, you're-you're going to be my adorable boyfriend, because you _are_ my adorable, loving, cute, kind and caring boyfriend who will hopefully be patient enough with me to give me a few weeks to get my shit together before I tell my family- who I _will_ tell this summer."

"I'm not about to force you out, Jensen," Jared said softly. "I just - I don't understand what you want me to do while you're figuring shit out."

"Just be you. I-I'm the issue here, not you."

"No-one's the issue, Jensen. I-I just want a clear picture of what we're going to do."

"We'll be us and eventually I'll introduce you to my family. It'll be just like here only hotter and... more Texan. We have the whole summer to figure this shit out and we can do it together." 

"Yeah, together," Jared said, letting Jensen wrap him into a hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone,
> 
> Thanks for reading and leaving all the kudos and awesome comments. I hope you enjoyed.
> 
> I hope you'll consider checking out other stuff I've written/ am writing.


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